When Ewoks Attack

It has a taste for flesh now! Evacuate the boardwa- Oh, wait, that’s just Snooki’s new boyfriend, Iraq vet Jeff Miranda. A confused young man who, not unlike anyone that’s awoken to the sweet smell of Absolut Pickle before him, went immediately running to the press to market his shame. Us Magazine has the romantic details:

The pair met last Friday, naturally, at Karma, the local nightclub often featured on MTV’s reality hit. “We hit it off really, really good,” Miranda tells Us. “Nicole is actually really cute and seems like a cool a** person, even though she’s drunk most of the time. She’s a real sweet girl.”
After “dancing all night” and “talking back and forth,” the two new friends went back to the famous beachside home Snooki shares with her Jersey Shore castmates. Miranda says they “had in-depth conversations about each other’s lives, what our backgrounds were…It was almost like an instant connection,” he gushes.
“The way the show depicts her and makes her seem is totally not her,” Miranda insists. “She honestly has one of the biggest hearts…She is really not how everybody thinks she is.”
After spending the night together, the couple “spent the whole day together” on the boardwalk, riding the rides, holding hands and “just kissing,” he explains. He and Polizzi did their best to ignore gawking photographers and fans. “We just cared about me and her. It was just an amazing day!”
“Just kissing her was a rush,” he cooes. “Her lips are matched perfectly to mine…I couldn’t even explain it.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we are not getting these soldiers the psychological help they need. How many more are we going to let stick their penis in this butt-lump.. thing before we finally do something about it? PTSD is very real, people. Tobey Maquire had it in that movie once.

Photos: Pacific Coast News