What’s In Ben Affleck’s Box?

“Ah, crap -Jen told me not to look until I got home… I just looked… WILL ONE OF YOU CAMERA JOCKEYS GIVE ME A SMOKE!?

In case you missed the all-day calendar event alarm set on your phone, Tuesday was Ben Affleck’s 45th birthday. Jennifer Garner threw him a party at a West Hollywood restaurant where he had meatballs and two desserts… yes, two… this is what happens when you quit drinking, you get extra dessert. All three of his kids were delivered separately, which made it hard for Ben to get one of them to blow into his ignition breathalyzer on the way there. One person not in attendance was his new girlfriend, SNL producer Lindsay “Shooki” Shookus.

The question on everyone’s mind is why does Ben look like he’s leaving this restaurant with the box from the end of the movie Se7en. Did he just see the head of the nanny he was banging in there? Maybe it’s the charred remains of his 8-bit patriots T shirt that his ex-wife torched after he accidentally left it in Jen’s pool house.

Whatever it is, there’s nothing that a little TLC from P.O.D. can’t fix. It’s his therapy.

ben affleck vaping

♫ I… I feel so alive… for the very first time… ♫

“Ahh christ, I had way to much fackin’ cake.”

♫ I can’t deny you… I FEEL SO ALIVE ♫