What the Hell Happened Yesterday?

And I’m back.

Apparently I picked a good day to get sick because literally only three things happened yesterday. Some might say other news occurred, but trust me, this is all you need to know. I’d never steer you wrong just to deflect from my drinking:

- Kristen Stewart attended the premiere of Robert Pattinson’s Remember Me which clearly says everything about them fucking and nothing at all about Summit Entertainment owning the Twilight franchise and Remember Me. [Huffington Post]

- Simon Monjack specifically asked Brittany Murphy to write in her will that he gets nothing which apparently was an elaborate scheme to do her mom. Wow. Where does the dreamy end and the walrus con man begin? [E! News]

- Blanket Jackson may or may not have been the target of a stun gun supposedly ordered online by Jermaine Jackson’s 13-year-old son even though it’s obvious what happened here: Joe Jackson needs to keep his “teaching instruments” locked up. Seriously, you can’t make a new Jackson 5 being sloppy. Or it gets the hose. [People, Us Weekly]

Photos: Splash News