“So what my film pre-supposes is, maybe getting your ass kicked means you’re not crazy.”
After finally winning/losing his first fight, albeit against himself, Weston Cage has checked back into rehab for reasons that reveal his mom Christina Fulton is just as fucking crazy as he is which raises serious questions about the transitive batshit properties of Nicolas Cage‘s gonads. E! News reports:
“Many fine opportunities await such a talented young man, including negotiations with a major production company utilizing his exceptional martial arts and acting skills,” Christina told us.
Added her spokesman: “Weston is getting the help and support that he needs during this time. We are all hoping that he will be able to do it respectfully, in peace.”
And because someone made the mistake of letting these people know they can issue statements to the media, Weston, of course, had some words of his own he’d like to add. Mostly about not being jealous of his wife’s music because she’s totally in a different genre than metal. I have no fucking clue:
“I would like to congratulate my multi-talented wife on her recent recording contract. I have always been supportive of her music. In no way would I ever be jealous of her successes, as I do not follow her preferred musical genre, and am personally working on a new solo album that I should have recorded a long time ago, ” he tells E! News.
“I am getting myself together, so I’m sorry about being mislabeled by people who don’t know me, or realize that I come from a long line of creative and successful artists.”
I’ve been trying to offer Weston helpful hints in his quest to not look like a mental patient, so here’s another free one: Don’t suggest people think you’re crazy because they don’t know your dad is Nicolas Cage. Also, you’re going to want to stop referring to him as a “creative and successful artist” which is something we normies like to reserve for people who don’t drunkenly drop small children or spend all their money on castles and dinosaur skulls. I know our customs may seem strange and even frightening to you at first, but over time you’ll grow to become one of us or perish in our underground fighting hexagon of truth. — Ha! I’m kidding, we don’t have one of those. You should’ve seen your face.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
Move: crouching tiger, hidden toe jam
wow those are top 5 stupidest looking fake tits and lips
Move: 40yr old teenager on the prowl
Move: popped hernia in MC Hammer pants
Move: mommy issues
move: PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEE
move: too may whippets behind the restuarant sumpster
*dumpster
move: smudged eyeliner of infinite sadness
move: they like me, they really like me!
Anyone else notice that he has cutting scars?
Yep. It’s like an all-you-can eat buffet of FAIL.
Move: rehab.
That is exactly the kind of mother I imagined he’d have. I bet Nic regrets banging her all those years ago.
Whatever, I’m just here for the “Move” comments.
tl;dr
rehab?
sure, when you’re a computer games freak!!
(we in europe don’t have rehab centers, we let peope die in peace….AMEN)
Nick does not regret anything. He can eat a peach for hours, and that’s a peach if I ever saw one.
Catch-phrase for the rest of 2011: “WWWCD?” – What Would Weston Cage Do?
A 1st year Karate student could probably kick his ass.
move: white sinbad
I wore this EXACT outfit to a Dead Milkmen show in 1993. Later we hotboxed a joint in my Tercel and I let my date rip off my leggings in the loft at his parent’s house.
Jesus H – Weston take a bath! You look like a stinking pile of dog crap. I bet your wife won’t go anywhere near your taint for fear of noxious fumes….and that bitch has seen a lot of taint in her life.
What? He doesn’t need rehab.
On the other hand…if he’s in rehab his hot-ass wife is at home and possibly lonely. Hmmmmmm.
My head is already shaved and I can act batshit crazy enough for one day just to get her moist.
Does he have a pussy growing on his elbow?
Looking at this picture makes me suddenly feel kind of ashamed for making fun of Westin…kind of like realizing a you’ve been ridiculing a retarded kid.
I mean look at her…the poor bastard never really had a chance.
exactly.
Hate to also point out shit that in any way could be construed as supporting this douchola (which it isn’t), but he’s more than Nicholas Cage’s son. He’s also Sophia Copola’s cousin and Francis Ford Copollas’ grand nephew.
Which kinda expands the whole crazy gonadal theory to Whopper size.
Move: Surprised Your Dad Won An Oscar For “Port of Call – New Orleans” Dramatic Stare
Just checking if he died yet?
Did some one hit her in the mouth? I hope the catch and prosecute whoever harmed her.
I see an Gold Bond Foot Powder endorsement deal coming.
I dont even think his wife is pregnant anymore hey, check it out she is skinny and supposed to be like 6 or 7 months with no baby bump. i wonder what happened there