“So what my film pre-supposes is, maybe getting your ass kicked means you’re not crazy.”
After finally winning/losing his first fight, albeit against himself, Weston Cage has checked back into rehab for reasons that reveal his mom Christina Fulton is just as fucking crazy as he is which raises serious questions about the transitive batshit properties of Nicolas Cage‘s gonads. E! News reports:
“Many fine opportunities await such a talented young man, including negotiations with a major production company utilizing his exceptional martial arts and acting skills,” Christina told us.
Added her spokesman: “Weston is getting the help and support that he needs during this time. We are all hoping that he will be able to do it respectfully, in peace.”
And because someone made the mistake of letting these people know they can issue statements to the media, Weston, of course, had some words of his own he’d like to add. Mostly about not being jealous of his wife’s music because she’s totally in a different genre than metal. I have no fucking clue:
“I would like to congratulate my multi-talented wife on her recent recording contract. I have always been supportive of her music. In no way would I ever be jealous of her successes, as I do not follow her preferred musical genre, and am personally working on a new solo album that I should have recorded a long time ago, ” he tells E! News.
“I am getting myself together, so I’m sorry about being mislabeled by people who don’t know me, or realize that I come from a long line of creative and successful artists.”
I’ve been trying to offer Weston helpful hints in his quest to not look like a mental patient, so here’s another free one: Don’t suggest people think you’re crazy because they don’t know your dad is Nicolas Cage. Also, you’re going to want to stop referring to him as a “creative and successful artist” which is something we normies like to reserve for people who don’t drunkenly drop small children or spend all their money on castles and dinosaur skulls. I know our customs may seem strange and even frightening to you at first, but over time you’ll grow to become one of us or perish in our underground fighting hexagon of truth. — Ha! I’m kidding, we don’t have one of those. You should’ve seen your face.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
death cums in threes, first winehouse, your next weston,then lindsey will complete the trifecta
Here’s to hoping rehab is at least as effective for him as it was for Amy Winehouse.
What about Ga Ga? Can’t one of them be Ga Ga?
oh, and i bet ten buxs hes banging his mom…..i would bang her
Please tell me it’s Celebrity Rehab. I live up the street from the Pasadena Recovery Center and I cold use the entertainment!
you want to fuck him, don’t you? You little skank.
Do you have bars on your windows cuz I sure as hell would!
I’m curious to know, how many times did you find Gary Busey asleep in your garage? Because if you are nearby PRC, it must have happened at least once.
And, I have to disagree – the best show for this guy is “Dancing With The Stars” because then we get to see him fall down on national television.
Unfrozen caveman lawyer reference!!
“I am getting myself together, so I’m sorry about being mislabeled by people who don’t know me, or realize that I am putting an end to a long line of creative and successful artists.”
Move: Aging MILF Guppy Mouth Two Prong Boob Attack
also: barf…
On what fucking planet are those called “prongs” and not., I don’t know…”pontoons”?
Perhaps once he starts his regimen of meds the psychotic episodes will diminish.
Looks as if Ms Fulton’s *move* involves inflation of boobs.
His facebook wall is comedy gold:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000336930308&sk=wall
Reads like a fellow just this side of psychotic.
What’s funny about an ambitious young actor(?) / UFC fighter (?) wanting to feed the world to his family? It’s the American Dream! Man, crazy is spreading around faster in Hollywood than geniwarts. Let’s put Sheen, Ga Ga, and him into a cage match and watch the magic (and winning) happen!
Oh, I forgot musician (?).
move : Dirty Feet of Shame with Fart of Fury
move : Torn Hemorrhoid of Douchebaggery
Just to be fair to Shaved Head McScabby Elbow, I looked up a track his band “Eyes of Noctum” recorded called “Phantasma Nocturna” (I got the song name off his belt). As you might have guessed, it’s typical bone-in-the-throat death metal growling and screaming…devoid of any creativity.
MCFeely Smackup…you and I need to collaborate!
I too was trying to figure out the belt item.
My bet is that he still sits to pee…some guys can’t shake that type of “skeleton”.
You are definatly some of the wind beneath my wings…CLASSIC!
I’ve got a bucket of that on my back porch. Hubby calls it “compost” – but I’m going to rename it “Eyes of Noctum.”
How silly of me not to post a link to the lyrical genius of Westin Cage:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LgiYERNnrs
move : Syphilis Mother-in-Law Bang in Trailer Park
edit : Syphilis Mother Bang in Trailer Park
…There is always the guy in the background saying it with his stifled chuckle.
Why does he always look so dirty?
Probably because he’s always getting knocked to the ground.
balls off laughing
+1000
It’s the film that only the truly sane and talented can wear.
This guy’s eyes scare the shit out of me.
move : Cheat Sheet of Taekwondouche
Move: Homicidal Lohan
move : Cigar Burn of Hopelessness and Self-Loathing
thats a good one :D
You had me at the Royal Tenenbaums reference.
Randy Jackson lurking in the background wearing a matching shirt always tells the story
JJWHT
JJ(Already)HT
What does this mean? I can’t figure it out, tried but can’t. NEVERMIND! Jesse James would hit that. Got it…just gotta talk/type it out sometimes…
:-)
ATTN SUPERFICIAL MAN:
NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THIS DB. POST MORE BOOBS.
His name is Fish!
Total fail. He’s called FISH!
move : Blind Monk Rock Paper Scissors
Move: Lazy Thumb Narcolepsy Punch
BAHAHAHAHHAA
Too bad God took Amy and left Weston here. What a complete ass douche.
God or Weston?
Well played sir, well played.
Poll time…
Is it the shaved piece out of his eyebrow or the scabbed up elbow that really makes one think he can really make this Martial Arts acting gig work?
Vote now!
and theres randy jackson in the backround saying it all with his camera phone
I think that’s a flip
Hey Nun – Dreg already named these moves.
Every moment in Weston Cage’s life is a new martial art move. Ralph Macchio will come out of retirement to star in the movie that chronicles Weston’s Kung Fu.
YES! also: where the hell is Dreg?
He looks so much like his father it’s freaking me out!!
His mom looks like she got facialed by a bunch of Ridley Scott’s Aliens.
So he’s related to Stifler?
Oh just stop posting this idiots photos.
You know, I may have seriously misjudged this guy! Looking forward to hearing his wife’s album and his as well!
I’m looking forward to his wife’s “stolen” girl/girl home sex tape.
Not that I’m complaining but where has this weirdo come from? Has he been institutionalized up until the last year? He couldn’t have just woke up one day crazy as bat shit!
Does this asshat have another change of clothes? This set he’s had on for the past few weeks must be getting rank!
asshat!!
He’s like a real-life Mac, from It’s Always Sunny..
I didn’t know Randy Jackson worked for TMZ now…
Weston: Seriously…? They don’t make Cookie Crisp anymore?
Randy Jackson: Naw dawg.
Weston: FML.
Someone cut off the rubber soled footies off their pajamas and busted through the sofa cushion fort.
Fish, thank you so much for warning us about the impending “careers” of these crazy ass clowns. You’ve just saved countless lives.
In completely unrelated news, it might be time for a new banner bitch, or slut or chick or whatever we like being called these days.
Move: Athletes foot
Randy Jackson’s gonna let his flipcam and youtube say it all for him.
Of course, in her case, working in “action” films involves DVDA.
I’d make a comment on this, but it’d just be scraping the Dregs of coolness.
Douche-whore-fun-bag-fail combo.
That’s not a move: that’s a damn immovable object!
You remember when Ralph Wiggum thought everyone loved him because he had the key to all the locks in the prison and whatnot?
You remember how all the other kids still thought he was an idiot, but pretended he was cool anyway, just to see if a fucking pig would fly?
Yeah, I felt bad for Ralph that time; mostly just because he didn’t understand he was the butt of every joke.
This dipshit?
Not so much.
He’s like that one friend everybody has that can be talked into jumping off the second story, or taking a tazer shot.
Move : The Hokie-Pokie
Where Dreg wiih the Move series? damnit Dreg!
Move: what do you mean Hot Topic sells Twilight merch?
Move: Trout pout of doom