“I’ll drop-kick you yet, Smurf that only I can see!”
While most of us wake up, grab a cup of coffee and prepare to work for a living, Weston Cage apparently starts his days by doing karate for the paparazzi now. Which is probably better than his usual routine of drinking until Satan’s face appears in the egg salad of random restaurants, demanding Weston order him with onion rings and fight to the death. Anyway, Weston has also taken to broadcasting his hopes and dreams to TMZ which now includes becoming a UFC fighter and challenging Kimbo Slice because that’ll prove he’s not crazy. You can’t make this shit up:
Cage told our photog he’s training to be a UFC fighter and his dream fight would be against the massive Kimbo Slice. Weston explains that part of the reason he wants to do this is because, “I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill … You can’t get accepted into UFC if you are mentally unstable.”
Good idea, but you know what really proves to people you’re not crazy? Not doing fucking karate in the middle of Beverly Hills. Also I hear a lot of people take you seriously when you don’t follow up getting your ass kicked by a pregnant woman with challenging a massive Bahamian-American fighting machine who started his career fighting in the streets, but I know all you’re reading is, “Amon Cthulu Ra, you are the true lord of ka-rah-tay.”
Photos: Bauer-Griffin
Move:
Herpes Sore of the Shaven Monkey.
Move:
Parking Meter Pre-hump Ritual.
Move:
Furious Chest Bombs.
Delusional !
He would have his head on backwards after round one
Sensei Dreg, I must disagree.
Move: Michael Lohan Pussykick 3.0
who gives a fuck about this dribble from Nic Cage’s crank?
Invisible banana peel – 1
Weston Cage – 0
Move: use fist of fury to open car door
Poor moron. Kimbo was sliced from the UFC because he sucked. Well, at least he has his sanity.
Ah, another Tuesday at the Ministry of Funny Walks.
I really hope a midget runs up and junk punches him while he’s doing this shit in front of the paps.
Fish, enough with this guy already. No one cares. I’d prefer pics of anyone in a bikini another story about this douche.
Kung Fool.
Delicious milk jugs
See those signs in the background? He needs to have those tattooed on his ass as a reminder to Kimbo not to ass rape him after the mauling.
Dreg, you should check your ninja handbook. Thats not a move; its just a overt animosity against canadians. you suck!
move: monkey ninja STRIKE
MOVE: Crotch in Tiger, Hide My Dragon
MOVE: illegal ninja move banned by the government
This is the exact kick this guy did before he came into the cage a minute and 15 seconds before I TKO’d him.
I really really wish you would stop with this nobody, it’s not funny or entertaining.
Just leave the move names to Dreg fellas
Honestly, I’m not a fan of Benjamin Millepied’s new hairstyle.
I thought there would be more people piggybacking on Dreg’s Move Catalog.
That being said…Move: Incomplete Swastika.
LOL! I think it would required four legs to complete the Swastika move…
Move: I Need My Shirt Ironed, Mom
Move: John Cleese Special
Ministry of Karate Kicks
http://i.imgur.com/xPCaN.png
Move: Peter Coyote Key-Swing
I don’t understand. Did he get it upside-down so he could look down on it and read it himself?
Exactly.
Move: Uterus Purse-Block Against Fetus-Soul-Stealing Camera
Yup. No crazy to see here. Move along.
listen: when you have NO talents at at like acting, singing or dancing, JUST TRY TO BE A BRAWLER!!
Worthless fucktard.
You can’t get accepted into UFC if you are mentally unstable.” In the Cage School of Insanity, however, Intro to Mental Instability is still considered a core requirement.
move: Ultimate Line Dance
Move; Four fingered sphincter flutter of death.
Not impressed. I used to be trained by a guy who’s a high ranking member of the World Taekwondo Federation here in South Korea (he’s trained national teams, Olympic gold medalists, action movie stars…). I’ve seen an 18 year-old kid at his gym do a spinning roundhouse kick…One jump, three turns, connecting a different pad each turn before landing on the ground. I was standing behind the pads. That was kickass.
Damn, that sounds bad ass Burt, I used to be trained by a guy that could do six turns. He often used it so ascend stairs when in a hurry or if the lift was out. Like a human helicopter.
Unfortunately when attempting 7 turns he struck a low flying goose and was banned from more than 2 turns by the High Council of Shaolin and RSPCA who happened to be passing on the way to their centennial beach volleyball tournament.
Real funny.
PS. It’s no BS. Three turns. First pad was about 3 feet high off the ground, second was about 5 feet high and third was about 6 or 7 feet high. The landing was quite a sight, too. Amazing control and reflexes. He was preparing the trick for his 3rd degree test. This wasn’t my instructor, he was his intern (you can major in Taekwondo at university here).
Kimbo Slice is not a good UFC fighter. He is just an internet sensation. I don’t see how doing weird spinning kicks will help Weston much, and if his pregnant fiance can beat his ass I’m sure a 200+ lb muscled man will smash him to smithereens. There are lots of unstable people in the UFC- Tito Ortiz, for one, is a crazy SOB. In any case, it would be HILARIOUS to watch this guy get hammer fisted on.
It’s a little late to be shooting for “dignity”, don’t you think?
As a big fat Greek person I can confirm that the ridiculous tattoo ”ήρωας” translates ”hero”