“I’ll drop-kick you yet, Smurf that only I can see!”
While most of us wake up, grab a cup of coffee and prepare to work for a living, Weston Cage apparently starts his days by doing karate for the paparazzi now. Which is probably better than his usual routine of drinking until Satan’s face appears in the egg salad of random restaurants, demanding Weston order him with onion rings and fight to the death. Anyway, Weston has also taken to broadcasting his hopes and dreams to TMZ which now includes becoming a UFC fighter and challenging Kimbo Slice because that’ll prove he’s not crazy. You can’t make this shit up:
Cage told our photog he’s training to be a UFC fighter and his dream fight would be against the massive Kimbo Slice. Weston explains that part of the reason he wants to do this is because, “I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill … You can’t get accepted into UFC if you are mentally unstable.”
Good idea, but you know what really proves to people you’re not crazy? Not doing fucking karate in the middle of Beverly Hills. Also I hear a lot of people take you seriously when you don’t follow up getting your ass kicked by a pregnant woman with challenging a massive Bahamian-American fighting machine who started his career fighting in the streets, but I know all you’re reading is, “Amon Cthulu Ra, you are the true lord of ka-rah-tay.”
Photos: Bauer-Griffin
Kimbo would annihilate this douche. Please let him in the UFC!!!
didn’t kimbo move on to rasslin?
I don’t think this guy could defeat pizza slice, much less kimbo. Get a job, Weston.
ahrahrfhahrharhahrhahr
PLZ make this a gif. It’s hard to find a good “4 year old pretending to do karate” series of photos.
please make him the next banner girl~ that first pic’s awesome!
(well.. that or mel swingin at the paps, that was priceless too)
Yeah. Mel is the clear favorite ATM.
cage: that was a great kick huh Harvey!
harvey:………………..
Cage: yep, lets go fight a unicorn.
BAHAHAHAH this douche against kimbo?!
Kimbo aka Craig Ferguson, is actually quite a pleasant guy, but he’s not a particularly skilled fighter. He’s just a tough guy with a hard punch.
That being said, he’d decapitate this guy. See how Weston drops his arms with every kick? Kimbo would duck and weave around the first kick and knock Weston into the middle of next week.
Seeing how you know Kimbo so well, you’d think you’d know his first name is Kevin, not Craig.
Oh, I thought the joke was “Kimbo aka milquetoast Scottish talk show host…”
I know kimbo isn’t the best fighter but he’s definitely a badass unlike this kid!
i used to watch his street fighting videos back before he had anything to do with the ufc or mma
He is so ugly and boring. It must be a very slow news day in Hollywood, for this to be posted. Sorry, but I’m going to go and clean my house now because this site is really going to the dogs, literary.
lirraly.. lol who’s that dude on the sports junkies that was cutting a spot and had like 75 takes and couldn’t say ‘literally’.. :)
Perhaps more importantly, how is it possible for a website to literally go to the dogs? Did the dogs purchase the server?
She didn’t say “literally.” She said “literary.” Fish must be making some more Moby-Dick references.
pretty please with sugar on top…………..LET HIM FIGHT IN THE UFC!! *sighs-dumb ass spoiled kids*
You have to admit, his sideburn skills are scary good.
there’s a hint of elvis in those mutton chops! and elvis knew karate too~
move : Armpit Stench of Repulsed Monkey
“I just know this will get me the exposure I need… I’ll be the next Chuck Norris by next summer! HIIII-YYYAAAA!”
“I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill.”
The very fact that he feels the need to say that proves he is certifiable.
I might be willing to accept that he is not mentally ill, just outrageously stupid. Of course those aren’t mutually exclusive possibilities, he could be both.
Nice tits on the Mrs.
move : Turn, Parry, Punch and drop Deuce
move : Matrix Fail Shot in Face
move : Undo Belt, Moonwalk and present Angry Penis
Also known as The Michael Jackson
move : No Charmin Explosive Diarrhea
Wait… The blonde is the red-head’s mother?? Is that right?
What a sad fame whore someone has to be to hang out with their daughter and her husband who happens to be a F-list sperm dribble from his B-list father.
No shit. Did she give birth at age 2 or something?
move : Suckle at the Teat
Would someone please give this kid back his Lucky Charms?
move : The Happy Hobo
It’s supposed to say “NP Was here” But that shit HURTS!! Did you know they use needles?? Fuuuuck that. Now I just tell people it stands for something incredibly obscure they’ve never heard of…
His wife should do porn
Why is he doing that ? Is he out of his mind ?
Your mobile site sucks. I can’t even see the pictures. Not a single picture Fish.
Jeezus, she has huge knockers.
I wonder if she’s at the ‘serious misgivings” stage yet, or is still thinking she’s latched onto a legitimate meal ticket.
In this one and pic #14….the ear buds are being drawn toward this douche magically like he is some sort of vortex of massive gay.
Douche magnet, if you will…
Where are the other Rockette’s?
Move: Crouching Crazy, Presenting Bunghole.
“I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill … You can’t get accepted into UFC if you are mentally unstable.”
Best line ever! I think he meant “unless, you are mentally unstable…..” LOL
Move: Keep an eye on these bitches cause they can kick my ass.
I bet alot of you guys talking shit on him wouldn’t say shit in person. I got into it with him and I paid the price for it by getting knocked out…
I would like to see him Car ra tay the grill on my car at 40 mph. Would that be one thump or two?
Is this the pregnant one that kicked his ass? she looks bad ass I must say. Maybe she held him down and gave him that stupid tat ala Girl with the dragon tattoo.
gimme a holler when somebody finally slaps the shit out this spoiled lil rich kid ass hat
Thank you for this gift.
Move:
Boot of Gumby, Ass of Pokey.
go Dreg…go Dreg
I like the next one the best.
Lol I literally scrolled down just to see Dreg’s hilarious comment, fuck the others.
Move:
Canadian Extra Point with Rib Injury.
Move:
Wet Pants Walking.
Move:
“This is my ass, Dreg.”
more of a mud-butt scuttle
Move:
Nuremberg March.
Wait, that one sucked.
Move:
Nuremberg Douche-Step.
That’s better.
Move:
Anal Raven Peck
Move:
“Fuck you, Dreg!”
Move:
Prostate Exam/Lump Check Androgynous Cancer Prevention Combo.
I’m laughing hard at this one.
Move:
Misspelled Nipple Label of Dumbassius.
Move:
I wish Dreg’s balls were here.
(I’m on nearly fucking dial-up speeds here, so you can be sure your patience will outlast my wit.)
Move:
Mother-Daughter Sandwich, with Might Cigar Staff of Clinton.
Move:
“If I let these pants fall, Dreg can kiss my ass!”
Move:
Airing of the Trouser Dragon.
HAHAHAHAHHA
Move:
I would hold Dreg’s ear up against…
nah, you nailed it.
Menu Item:
Delicious Wife Orbs in a Translucent Cradle.
Move:
Samdu on a Shaven Chest.
Move:
Howdy Doody Arms of Death.