Weston Cage is Doing Karate For The Paparazzi Again

July 19th, 2011 // 120 Comments

“I’ll drop-kick you yet, Smurf that only I can see!”

While most of us wake up, grab a cup of coffee and prepare to work for a living, Weston Cage apparently starts his days by doing karate for the paparazzi now. Which is probably better than his usual routine of drinking until Satan’s face appears in the egg salad of random restaurants, demanding Weston order him with onion rings and fight to the death. Anyway, Weston has also taken to broadcasting his hopes and dreams to TMZ which now includes becoming a UFC fighter and challenging Kimbo Slice because that’ll prove he’s not crazy. You can’t make this shit up:

Cage told our photog he’s training to be a UFC fighter and his dream fight would be against the massive Kimbo Slice. Weston explains that part of the reason he wants to do this is because, “I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill … You can’t get accepted into UFC if you are mentally unstable.”

Good idea, but you know what really proves to people you’re not crazy? Not doing fucking karate in the middle of Beverly Hills. Also I hear a lot of people take you seriously when you don’t follow up getting your ass kicked by a pregnant woman with challenging a massive Bahamian-American fighting machine who started his career fighting in the streets, but I know all you’re reading is, “Amon Cthulu Ra, you are the true lord of ka-rah-tay.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin

superficial

  1. RoboZombie

    Kimbo would annihilate this douche. Please let him in the UFC!!!

  2. didn’t kimbo move on to rasslin?

  3. Frank Burns

    I don’t think this guy could defeat pizza slice, much less kimbo. Get a job, Weston.

  4. Can

    PLZ make this a gif. It’s hard to find a good “4 year old pretending to do karate” series of photos.

  5. jlover

    cage: that was a great kick huh Harvey!
    harvey:………………..
    Cage: yep, lets go fight a unicorn.

  6. AT

    BAHAHAHAH this douche against kimbo?!

    • cc

      Kimbo aka Craig Ferguson, is actually quite a pleasant guy, but he’s not a particularly skilled fighter. He’s just a tough guy with a hard punch.

      That being said, he’d decapitate this guy. See how Weston drops his arms with every kick? Kimbo would duck and weave around the first kick and knock Weston into the middle of next week.

      • Derp

        Seeing how you know Kimbo so well, you’d think you’d know his first name is Kevin, not Craig.

      • TomFrank

        Oh, I thought the joke was “Kimbo aka milquetoast Scottish talk show host…”

      • AT

        I know kimbo isn’t the best fighter but he’s definitely a badass unlike this kid!
        i used to watch his street fighting videos back before he had anything to do with the ufc or mma

  7. Gemma

    He is so ugly and boring. It must be a very slow news day in Hollywood, for this to be posted. Sorry, but I’m going to go and clean my house now because this site is really going to the dogs, literary.

  8. pretty please with sugar on top…………..LET HIM FIGHT IN THE UFC!! *sighs-dumb ass spoiled kids*

  9. You have to admit, his sideburn skills are scary good.

  10. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : Armpit Stench of Repulsed Monkey

  11. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    “I just know this will get me the exposure I need… I’ll be the next Chuck Norris by next summer! HIIII-YYYAAAA!”

  12. “I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill.”

    The very fact that he feels the need to say that proves he is certifiable.

    • Lemmiwinks

      I might be willing to accept that he is not mentally ill, just outrageously stupid. Of course those aren’t mutually exclusive possibilities, he could be both.

  13. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    DogBoy
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice tits on the Mrs.

  14. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : Turn, Parry, Punch and drop Deuce

  15. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : Matrix Fail Shot in Face

  16. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : Undo Belt, Moonwalk and present Angry Penis

    Also known as The Michael Jackson

  17. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : No Charmin Explosive Diarrhea

  18. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait… The blonde is the red-head’s mother?? Is that right?

  19. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : Suckle at the Teat

  20. MarkM

    Would someone please give this kid back his Lucky Charms?

  21. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    move : The Happy Hobo

  22. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s supposed to say “NP Was here” But that shit HURTS!! Did you know they use needles?? Fuuuuck that. Now I just tell people it stands for something incredibly obscure they’ve never heard of…

  23. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    His wife should do porn

  24. bing

    Why is he doing that ? Is he out of his mind ?

  25. Kieran

    Your mobile site sucks. I can’t even see the pictures. Not a single picture Fish.

  26. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeezus, she has huge knockers.
    I wonder if she’s at the ‘serious misgivings” stage yet, or is still thinking she’s latched onto a legitimate meal ticket.

  27. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    In this one and pic #14….the ear buds are being drawn toward this douche magically like he is some sort of vortex of massive gay.

  28. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Where are the other Rockette’s?

  29. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Crouching Crazy, Presenting Bunghole.

  30. glassman

    “I just wanna prove to people I am not mentally ill … You can’t get accepted into UFC if you are mentally unstable.”

    Best line ever! I think he meant “unless, you are mentally unstable…..” LOL

  31. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Move: Keep an eye on these bitches cause they can kick my ass.

  32. little turtle head

    I bet alot of you guys talking shit on him wouldn’t say shit in person. I got into it with him and I paid the price for it by getting knocked out…

  33. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this the pregnant one that kicked his ass? she looks bad ass I must say. Maybe she held him down and gave him that stupid tat ala Girl with the dragon tattoo.

  34. stevebeagle

    gimme a holler when somebody finally slaps the shit out this spoiled lil rich kid ass hat

  35. Thank you for this gift.

    Move:
    Boot of Gumby, Ass of Pokey.

  36. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Canadian Extra Point with Rib Injury.

  37. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Wet Pants Walking.

  38. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Nuremberg March.

  39. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Anal Raven Peck

  40. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    “Fuck you, Dreg!”

  41. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Prostate Exam/Lump Check Androgynous Cancer Prevention Combo.

  42. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Misspelled Nipple Label of Dumbassius.

  43. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    I wish Dreg’s balls were here.
    (I’m on nearly fucking dial-up speeds here, so you can be sure your patience will outlast my wit.)

  44. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Mother-Daughter Sandwich, with Might Cigar Staff of Clinton.

  45. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    “If I let these pants fall, Dreg can kiss my ass!”

  46. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Airing of the Trouser Dragon.

  47. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Sodomy_Is_For_Girls
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    I would hold Dreg’s ear up against…
    nah, you nailed it.

  48. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Menu Item:
    Delicious Wife Orbs in a Translucent Cradle.

  49. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Samdu on a Shaven Chest.

  50. Weston Cage Karate Tattoo Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Move:
    Howdy Doody Arms of Death.

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