Taking a page from Mel Gibson’s Guide to Crazy Fighting – “Remember, your opponent might be invisible, and that’s where they hide the blowjobs.” – Weston Cage and his freshly shaven-head put on a karate show for the paparazzi last night because he really needs people to believe he’s a skilled martial artist who can win at fights provided you’re not his babysitter or a pregnant woman. Outside of those two categories he will ruthlessly dismember you with precision moves just as soon as he gets his mascara on. It’ll just be a sec. “Does this look too Moulin Rouge? Because I’m going for more of a Captain Jack Sparrow. I shall not lie to you, his piratery amuses me so. CRANE KICK!”
Photos: GSI Media, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Jealous of such a good-looking young buck? You bet I am.
bald head, painted toes, barefoot, bat shit crazy…you sure its not nic cage, not his son.
Like father, like son = crazier than a shit-house rat.
The cigarette in his hand is the finishing touch. LOL
that and the black wingtips :)
Wow! No socks!!!
What martial arts skills, everyone keeps kicking is poser-loser ass. He is such a loser because he will never live up to his daddy’s image, looks or money.
Is that what Randy Jackson does between American Idol seasons?
Dad-A-Chack? Dum-A-Chum? Did-A-Chick? Dod-A-Chock, right?
Fish makes one Dark Tower reference, and now we have to put up with this shit after every post?
Indubitably.
Into the West with you!
He looks like a cross between Capt. Jack Sparrow and a homeless mental patient.
remind of the pink power ranger after shes had her suit stolen
Hey Weston…Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
You guys can make fun of him if you want but I fought him before.. When I came to I had pissed all over myself when I was unconscious… He’s a tough guy…
Pussy.
I’m not a pussy!
Pussy.
A pussy named Weston Cage. Assuming he can type.
One time at band camp…
Lol
You sure it was YOUR piss? I mean, he could’ve pissed on you while you were knocked out. He seems like the kinda guy that would do that.
I guess it had to be only my pants were soaked..
What would have made this hilarious is the guy busing the tables come out and kick this douche’s ass.
Needs more Andy Dick
Karateeeeee CHOP!
JUDO CHOP!
HASSAN CHOP!
His kung fu skill level falls somewhere in between the Pink Ranger & Hong Kong Phooey. Hadogan!!!
I’m finding it hard to believe anyone gives a crap about this guy. He doesn’t deserve as many posts as Lindsay used to get, that’s for sure.
A disgrace to all practitioners of Rex Kwan Do.
Yes!
“Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! “
The reason he got fuct up before was because he did not bow to his sensei…BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!!
I took lessons from Westin for a while. He told me “before you can truly master karate, you must snatch the herpes sore from my elbow”. So I never went back and just bought a gun.
The Karate Skid
Nothing says “I’m a bad ass, stealth Ninja” like the smell of cigarettes.
Nothing says bad ass, stealthy ninja like a Virginia Slim!
why is he gray?
Dignity shot. Also- he can’t fake kick with his shoes on? Chuck Norris can. I rest my case.
It’s pronounced kah-rah-tay. And if you don’t say it that way then you’re not a true badass.
Karate. The Dane Cook of the martial arts.
Archer would kick this guy’s ass
And drink 12 year old scotch at the same time!
I like the lit cigarette/spinning jump kick combo
it’s revenge of the pathetic panther
Those are Green Belt moves…a little sloppy
To quote Bruce Lee: “Boards do not strike back.” Neither does the empty air, Wes.
Someone needs to photoshop a banana peel on the ground.
Decompensation is never pretty no matter how much mascara is slathered on it.
This guy needs treatment. He needs help.
Looks creepily like his dad here.
That is so cheesy.
The dude actually took off his shoes? Damn.
Ridiculous dumbshit.
hey he can do the splits, which is more than most of you stripmall ninjas. imagine he’ll also has a career in ballet if this doesn’t work out. ki-yaaah, fuckface!
NOT BAD SWEETIE NOW DO IT WITH A SMILE ON UR FACE.
Move:
Shoe-Gum Removal of Fury
Worthless Diva Emo Fucktard.
Move:
Shoe-Gum Removal of Fury.
AA BB UP Down A
Move:
Zorba the Eliminator
Hey look, it’s Bruce Lee’s cousin, Ug Lee.
Move:
Crispin Glover on Letterman.
Move:
Testicle Root Blossom.
Move:
Angry Fart Helper.
Move:
Bolshevic Death Squad.
Move:
Wrath of the Turd on the Doorstep.
Move:
The Hillbilly Cornhole. Of Fury.
Move:
Toy Robot of Death.
Move:
Tiptoe Through the Tulips of the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
Move:
Dual Orifice Entrail Removal Service.
Move:
Cement Jockstrap.
Move:
Lit Cigarette to the Flipcam Man Urethra.
Move:
Your Mother’s Vagina, Your Daddy’s Anus: The Aftermath.
Move:
Man Breaks Water.
Move:
Chest Impaling Foot Removal of the Raven
Move:
Vanilla Ice’s Eyebrow of Agony.
Move:
The To-go Box of Devastation.