So The Weston Cage Story is Entirely Different Now

June 13th, 2011 // 88 Comments

When the Weston Cage getting his face punched-in 13 times story first broke, initial reports suggested he got into a dispute with his personal trainer who wouldn’t let him order something at a restaurant. Turns out it wasn’t his trainer but a man named Kevin Villegas who’s paid by Nicolas Cage to keep an eye on Little Lord Gotheroy who apparently went missing last week. TMZ reports:

But Tuesday, when Weston went M.I.A — sources tell us Nic dispatched Kevin to track down the 21-year-old and bring him home. Kevin quickly located his target in L.A., but we’re told, Weston was resistant and aggressive — even threatening to rip off Kevin’s “Christian fucking head.”
Sources tell us Kevin immediately reported the situation to Nic … who instructed Kevin to call 911. When Weston realized cops were on the way he flipped out and attacked Kevin with the roundhouse kick.
We’re told Kevin — who served with the U.S. military — feared for his life because Weston is a highly-trained fighter … and attacked Cage with a flurry of punches.

So, basically this story went from Weston Cage getting his ass kicked by his aerobics instructor for not ordering a salad to Weston Cage getting his ass kicked by his babysitter for running away from home. Jesus. How soon until we find out he puts on a blonde wig and becomes Taylor Momsen? Because that’s really the only place left for this to go.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Any Guy

    haha – fuckin’ NERD. his mommy is banging that sellout-hump ‘Shagrath’ from the used-to-be Black Metal band ‘Dimmu Borgir’…. so now Weston thinks he’s gonna be all evil like his new step-daddy. AWWWW.

  2. cait

    what a douche

  3. Johnny Cage

    I knew I’d find Shang Tsung hiding somewhere on this site.

  4. billlabong021

    So that’s a highly trained fighter huh, no wonder we’re losing the war.

    • Who, Weston or his babysitter? His ex-military babysitter must be a 37th dan judo-aikido-jiu-jitsu-wing-chun-hung-ga-capoeira-pencak-silat MASTARRR!, given how easily he subdued a so-called “highly-trained fighter”. In my opinion, if we want to win the war, we should just send Kevin back over.

      • Johnny Cage

        We already WON whatever damn war there was to fight in the first year. Our flaw was there was no exit strategy. Apparently Nick Cage now wishes his Sperm had the same exit strategy before he sired this emo-cunt.

  5. P Dizzle

    Damn, the Undertaker looks good for his age…

  6. adolf hitler

    daddy doesnt love me

  7. Deacon Jones

    “highly trained fighter”…hahaha

    You can tell a woman wrote this, especially the part about him being a military vet and “fearing for his life” by a 20 yr old with eye shadow.

    Give me a fucking break. Try getting in a fight with a Marine. Twice.

    • mupp


      • When I was in the army, the local marines were constantly getting their asses kicked by the local tranny prostitutes. Seems they’d pick up a hot “chick” and when they’d find the desert they didn’t order, fists would fly. Interesting thing to note is apparently after getting their ass beat by a tranny, a marine will insist it was “…about a dozen local dudes”.

      • Deacon Jones

        New Orleans?

      • Nicolas Cage is an overbearing, controlling dick. He sent some punch-happy mercenary out to find him when all he was doing was putting in an application at the mall Hot Topic store. Damn, that would have been a sweet job too…

    • rican

      She misunderstood, they told her that Weston’s trainer was high during the training sessions. Would have loved to see that bent knee-crouching roundhouse prior to the beating.

  8. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:


  9. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently his trainer has instructed him well on the art of pushing your biceps against your knees to make them look bigger.

  10. Bow Chica Wow Wow

    “feared for his life” lmao. The babysitter guy was just silly slapping him, he could have killed him without trying. Isn’t he a grown man? Why has his daddy got him a babysitter? If my dad sent someone to bring me home I might react in the same way! We’re not been told the full story here.

  11. stratacat

    If the voice in your head was Yngwie Malmsteen screaming “UNLEASH THE FURY!!!!” you’d go crazy too.

  12. The Critical Crassness

    When did Khloe Kardashian grow a goatee?

  13. rough

    Typical dialogue between Nic cage and Weston.

    Nic:you are a greedy, vain, cruel boy
    Weston: You are an old man, and a FOOL
    Kevin Villegas: Nic?
    Nic: shut up!
    Nic: Youre UNWORTHY, Ill Take from you your Power and cast you out…
    Weston: AHHHHHHHHH

    L. A. Residents: Aw shit!

  14. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    You know what’s totally NOT metal? Playing dress-up like Nathan Explosion and posing for pictures like a teenage girl.

  15. RoboZombie

    HA HA HA! What a colossal douche! You know the babysitter dude just went straight to Forever 21 and found him there!!!

  16. Rancid

    I love the Nick Cage school of tough love – make sure my son is okay, and then kick the shit out of him.

    You can’t make a delicious omelett without punching a few eggs.

  17. Dave Mustaine

    Where’s Varg when you need him. Teach this poser what black Metal is all about.

  18. Grasshopper, when you can walk the rice paper without leaving any trail, you will have learned.

  19. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    Momsen looked better blonde.

  20. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder how long he had to practice the “rolling eyes so only whites show” to get it down pat. He can’t use a mirror so I imagine it going like:
    Westin: Ok, look now…am I doing it? am I doing IT???
    Goth buddy: yeah, you’re totally doing it!!
    Westin: Did it look cool?
    Goth buddy: it looked sweet Westin!! You gotta get a picture of that up on facebook!
    Westin: totally!! …and I told you to call me Darkseed.

  21. Drew

    Someone should tell him Dimmu Borgir aren’t even recognized by the metal community anymore outside being washed up losers. Idolizing the has-been Shagrath doesn’t make you metal just because he’s fucking your mom. What a pathetic tool.

  22. Anonymous

    Poser. What a sad little twerp.

  23. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, that trainer gave him two black eyes.

  24. MILF

    He and Criss Angel probably get together in his garage to lisp their way through “Ace of Spades”.

  25. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m still laughing about that Metalocoalypse photo you used before. Cannot be unseen.

  26. rican

    That’s one really fucked up dude.

  27. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Ace of Spades
    Commented on this photo:

    People call it goth. I call it “Can’t live without Hair Metal.”

  28. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Ace of Spades
    Commented on this photo:

    This is where my boyfriend sits.

  29. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    also not metal is doing odd hand gestures that are supposed to be the goat’s head/evil eye, BACKWARDS.

  30. lea

    this guy and taylor momsen should date, they look meant for each other,lol

  31. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    he looks cool!

    • Tracey

      These photos are three years old and he looks like a 19 year old moron with too much of Daddy’s money.

  32. Robert Acquafresca

    Is that Cher or that Morticia lady from the Addams Family?

    Duh Nuh Nuh Nuh click click

  33. Fish, I totally lost it at “Little Lord Gothleroy”. Thanks a bunch, my neighbors now think I have parrots.

  34. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Johnny Cage
    Commented on this photo:


  35. blonde

    Money shot, both eyes. Someone’s a pro.

  36. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe he’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.

  37. metacritic

    Glen Danzig called…he wants his black nailpolish back…and he said you suck

  38. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:

    He cannot be 21. He’s dressing up like kids at my son’s middle school.

  39. I am amazed at Weston’s ability to make that patch of upper arm hair look so gothic and scary.

  40. Shaftzits

    I didn’t know Losing was a fighting style

  41. Deryn

    I don’t know if this was his intent, but all the douchey goth crap on his face brings into focus what a pretty mouth he has.

  42. cc

    Coming soon to The Superficial. A place where readers and/or the celebrities they mock can arrange for cage matches. I’ve got dibs on this guy. Deacon Jones, you get to fight Kim K’s ass.

    • cc

      ETA, remember ‘It’s not the size of the ass in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the man fighting the ass.’

  43. Linzie

    oh look, the rapture is happening afterall

  44. AleisterCrowley

    Kinda makes you wish that the law where you can surrender your kid at a fire station was good up to age 30.

  45. And to think we all scoffed when Nic named the other one after Superman…

  46. Ismoss

    Seriously what the hell can you say about such a F’d up little turd. I give daddy credit for not just letting the shit stain run wild.

  47. Basil Spaulding

    Doesn’t seem like a well – adjusted young lad , not as fine a lad as you might see on a May morn

  48. Satan called…he didn’t want anything back, he just pissed himself laughing looking at this picture.

  49. Nicolas Cage Son Weston Cage
    Commented on this photo:


  50. my daddy’s got money, my daddy’s got money, nanananana……*sticks his tongue out*………

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