Weston Cage Arrested For Kicking His Own Ass Now. Why Not?

July 21st, 2011 // 71 Comments

Weston Cage‘s wife of only four months Nikki Williams has huge breasts so you’d just assume he’d be doing everything in his power to have sex with them as much as possible. Things like, I dunno, not doing karate on the sidewalk every time the paparazzi go, “Hey, look, it’s Nicolas Cage’s batshit son!” Then again, Weston is a proud warrior who’s last two opponents humiliated him in battle, and has now become a man obsessed with finally winning in combat even if it includes fighting himself which apparently they’ll arrest your ass right up for. *presses intercom* Yeah, need you to cancel an appointment. Get a hold of me and tell me not to punch me in the face at 12:30. I’ll probably get testy with you, so be firm, but don’t be afraid to touch me freely about the genitals until I curl into the fetal position. It’s the only way I’ll learn. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, Weston was arrested at 5AM in Hollywood — and then taken to a nearby hospital to be treated for cuts … and we’re told, cops believe the injuries were self-inflicted.
TMZ spoke with the mother of Weston’s wife Nikki Williams — who tells us, “Nikki is safe and away from him.”

WESTON: Teach me the ways of the UFC, so I can prove I’m not crazy and become a Jedi Knight like my father.
TRAINER: To become a true fighter, you must first win a battle against your greatest opponent: you. Only then-
WESTON: Done! *wheel kicks self into coffee table*

(How that probably happened.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News (8,000th Post – MR)


  1. Weston Cage Karate Wife Nikki Williams Breasts
    Commented on this photo:

    *Crosses fingers that she will do porn*

  2. Weston Cage Karate Wife Nikki Williams Breasts
    Commented on this photo:


  3. Weirdo

    She does’nt need to buy anymore toilet paper.She can just use my tongue. I’ll keep that pussy and tight asshole sparkling clean.

  4. Allison Wunderlan

    This would all just make more sense if his mother were Chyna. Or that alien dickwad from “Flash Gordon” . Either way, dude is some kind of gender switching alien with the ablity to roundhouse kick an intruder to his lair at 40 feet. Anybody else smelling a remake of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show’?

  5. L

    He looks like Jafar from Aladdin…

  6. wild bill kelso

    hammer pants from the 80′s
    hot topic shirt from the 90′s
    leather wristbands from the mall last week
    old man dress shoes from his future
    that’s the guy’s problem, he’s experiencing time-flux psychosis
    (i think star trek did an episode about it)

  7. The Most Interesting

    Ever notice how in all of these pictures there’s a wife with great tits saying it all with her eyes?

  8. Matt

    Dana White would never let this clown in the UFC when he’s always talking about its reputation and wanting to be taken more seriously. But I love how he always wears those loose fitting hammer pants so he can do his “karate” kicks.. As if anyone in MMA does Karate.

  9. Weston Cage Karate Wife Nikki Williams Breasts
    Commented on this photo:

    he’s twat… she’s got big tits . I’m drunk. I win

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