Weston Cage is Single, Ladies. And Apparently Your Daddy.

November 2nd, 2011 // 37 Comments

“Wait, aren’t you the babysitter who kicked my ass? — Can we go to McDonald’s?”

Despite her awesome, huge breasts, Weston Cage has officially divorced his wife Nikki Williams after six months of marriage which still makes two crazy alcoholics who beat the fuck out of each other more genuinely in love than Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, but I digress. As is his wont, Weston took to Facebook to announce the news:

WELL ITS OFFICAL . THE DIVORCE IS SETTLED! ………………LADIES, DADDY IS BACK ahahahhahahaahh oh god! its on

And by “oh god! its on,” I can only assume that means Weston Cage walked outside and got his ass kicked by a parking meter. “How dare you demand copper coins from a mighty warrior of unparalleled strength and sanity- OHMYGOD! IT’S GOT ME IN A CHOKE HOLD! I’m tapping out! I’m tapping out! DADDDD!

Photos: WENN

superficial

  1. hmna

    He shaved off his hair, the source of his power!

    Oh, wait . . .

  2. he needs to replace those flip flops with some good ol fashioned steel cap docs. then he could kick stuff and not break a nail

    • sam

      Those mandals are a classier version of the footwear worn by inmates at the local jail. The metallic bands make the look. And is that black polish on his toenails, or fungus?

  3. KWDragon

    “And I did not get one ounce of sanity from this marriage. There was no profit.” –Weston Cage

    “Please keep all sharp and blunt objects out of Mr. Cage’s reach.” — Weston Cage’s babysitter

  4. Fester

    Weston: “Hey, you’re a lot smaller than me, think you can whip my ass?”
    Small guy: “Without a doubt.”
    Weston: “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

  5. Buddy the Elf

    No doubt they are lining up now.

  6. stratacat

    those sandals are soooooo metal. \m/

  7. The coffee cup is kicking his ass.

  8. Frank Burns

    Looks like he got custody of the nail polish in the divorce.

  9. ?

    I want to see walking freak show do some street porn.

  10. Deacon Jones

    “I went with Lactaid today, I’ve had some awful digestion probIems, I think I may be lactose intolerant.”

    “…………”

  11. RoboZombie

    Oh man, that guy is just a freaking CLOWN!!

  12. Cock Dr

    I wonder how much that divorce cost the Cage clan.

  13. Snack pack

    This is another one of those “too much going on” scenes. I mean, which of these two are the bigger d-bag (it’s harder to figure than you think)? Where does Weston find such ridiculous clothes? Mini double soy latte-chino with extra gay in one hand and arrowhead in the other? When will some Hollywood or New Jersey apologist come out and proclaim that being a d-bag is a disease beyond control of the afflicted?

  14. This does not bode well for Kal-El.

  15. D-chi

    I lolled.

  16. Wasn’t this guy all like skinny ‘n shit?

  17. VV

    Nothing says ‘it’s on’ like a pair of sporty Adidas flip-flops. How edgy.

  18. Weston Cage Divorce Nikki Williams
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice outfit tool bag

  19. Any Guy

    nice nail polished hands and feet, FLAMER.

  20. forrest gump

    well, SELL YOUR CAR, HOME, MOTHER IN LAW AND………..EMIGRATE!!

  21. Steelerchick

    Oh goody he’s single!!!

  22. cc

    Okay, we get it, you are the coolest Kung Fu celebrity ever Weston.

  23. brittani

    He has the freakiest fingers and toes I have ever seen…

  24. sobrietyisacrutch

    He strikes me as a
    “Ooooh look! A “”Steven Seagal: Lawman”" marathon! It’s ON!!!!”
    kind of loser.

  25. Weston Cage Divorce Nikki Williams
    Rock throwing hipster
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know Hot Topic did mani-pedis

  26. kimmykimkim

    Oh my god, those fucking sandals! What a gooch!

  27. TomFrank

    I don’t see Dreg, so what the hell…

    Move: Sensei’s Starbucks Gofer.

  28. Matthew

    He looks like a Hot Topic store with legs…all that’s missing is an Avenged Sevenfold T-shirt.

  29. Compound9

    Yep looks like they are on their way to do a little buddy buddy beat off to a “roadhouse” marathon.

    The most hardcore thing this guy has ever done was get his ass handed to him by his babysitter.

  30. Chauncy

    This guy is a total freak just like his father. And who is the saw-off burrito bender with the Napoleonic complex?

  31. Oh Lord…”got his ass kicked by a parking meter”..priceless (you know it happened exactly like that)!

  32. blonde

    Ooo, look, someone got a mani pedi!

  33. Weirdo

    What a fool. I’d love to use Nikki Williams asshole as my cum bucket!

Leave A Comment