‘We’re Getting Sued. Put Some Damn Pants On Her.’
“I never worn a law suit ‘fore, y’all! Hot dawg!”
Here’s an almost cleaned-up Britney Spears being paraded in front of the paparazzi yesterday in what I can only assume is a concentrated effort to convince people she’s not an abusive vagina monster despite recent litigation suggesting otherwise. Now, while I admire the fact someone actually got her into a pair of pants, allow me to make some quick suggestions:
1. Buy her a bra that, oh I dunno, actually fits over her breasts. It might seem strange at first, but trust me, nothing says deranged mommy like rogue nipples. Fact.
2. Wait until after you shove her in front of the cameras to have that morning frap. Granted, you’re risking a hostage situation, it’s a small price to pay so people don’t think she murdered an entire Starbucks all over her pants because they were out of caramel sauce.
(That last part actually happened, didn’t it? See? This is what I’m talking about.)