We’re Experiencing Technical Difficulties

August 13th, 2014 // 40 Comments
Heroin Jesus

Billy Ray Cyrus shooting heroin into Jesus difficulties.

So here’s our day so far: First, we couldn’t, and still can’t, access one of our largest photo agencies that’s having technical issues of its own. Then, our server decided to epically shit the bed for at least the past two hours and is slowly coming back to life in fits and spurts. So if you’re somehow reading this on The Internet right now, know that I fucking Matrix’d it up there with my mind then had a giant sex orgy with your mom below the earth’s crust. My work is a delicate process.

Photo: Art For God via Cracked


  1. You don’t mess with Rush and get away clean. There are 13 million rabid disciples, and at least 1 knows how the Internet works.

  2. Looks like Matt Walsh sent his people after you. LOL! Who am I kidding? Nobody knows or gives a shit who Matt Walsh is.

  3. VMusicRox

    That picture is pure art. Wish he had a mullet in it.

    • Marketing Mike

      I never realized Hey Zoos had 2 heads, 3 arms,
      a sleeve of shitty tattoos, and he chased the dragon.
      This is very educational.

  4. That Hay-zoos, he’ll do anything to get his fix. *sad shake of head*

  5. Why does Jesus have tattoos? Isn’t that prohibited by Leviticus? And are those his nunchucks?

  6. Is it Billy Ray or Jesus that’s missing their left arm?

  7. In my opinion, this site has crossed the line for me….the line that separates simple joking around from outright blasphemy. I for one will no longer visit this site unless a formal apology is made, and this image is retracted.

    I’m done.

    • What’s funny is this pic is from an actual Christian artist (Maybe try checking the photo credits. I put them there for a reason.) who’s trying to preach to heroin addicts that all they’re doing is shooting up Jesus. Or something.

      My point is you have your own people to blame for it.

      • Ohhhh, I was wondering what happened to that guy’s arm. It’s Jesus’ arm and the addict’s arm! “When you’ve done it unto the least of these you’ve done it unto Me,” as the artist’s website quotes the Bible. So when I jerk off, I’m jerking Jesus off, too? That would mean my penis is his penis, and I gotta say, you’d think your son of god would have a bigger penis.

      • Sharkeisha


      • I don’t have “my own people” to blame for it. I don’t subscribe to false Christianity’s viewpoints. That is who you are referring to correct….”false Christianity?”

        I don’t live like a hypocrite like they do…preaching one thing, living another thing…like a Sunday morning Christian.

      • But you’re here on this titty celebrity web site. K.


      • Some Previous Posts by This So Very Sensitive Christian Commenter ‘John Travolta,’ Courtesy of the Google

        “She looks like a psycho bitch, but I’d still fuck her in the mouth and ass and back to her mouth. Does that make me so bad?” – 7/25/14, on Nina Agdal

        “….someone fucking shoot them already.” – 7/26/14, on the Kardashians

        “Looks like shit now. At least before, she had the young thing goin for her.” – 7/9/14, on Selena Gomez

        “[Katy] Perry seems to have that same mini me bulldyke handling her in many of the pics….I guess that’s who Russell Brand hired to keep her in line with the Illuminati code of ethics.” – 4/29/14

        “Payback’s a bitch. Maybe all the dumb black people shouldn’t have cried wolf. Paula was never a hater of Black people. She was simply comfortable in her own skin about the subject and dumb politically correct idiots went to far in castigating her for it. Good for Paula….her way of saying ‘Fuck you very much.’ ” – 4/3/14, on the occasion of Paula Deen’s closing Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House

        “Quit knocking America. Knock all the fucking illegal aliens pouring over the borders, all the drug pushers and the govt trying to push the man down.” – 7/4/14, to Fish, for posting that Obese Captain America cartoon

      • …wait, so, this guy is a christian, but he frequents THIS site??? how in the holy fuck does THAT shit jibe??? and THIS is what finally puts him over the top??? …i’m calling bullshit.

    • Cock Dr

      Blasphemy is the gasoline for our laughter engines.

    • Oh no, a christian is offended about something. that’s certainly rare enough for the world to stand up and take notice.

      I’d try to help, but I just saw a woman attempting to exercise authority over a man and need to go tell her to remain silent.

    • Forgot who said this before, but it fits now and I love this line:

      “It’s a gossip site, not a marriage. Just go.”

    • Don’t let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

    • Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

  8. You use the moniker of an allegedly gay Scientologist, both of which are an affront to Christians, and you lose it over a picture? What should really piss you off is that Jesus is portrayed as a white guy. Talk about blasphemy.

    • *Supposed to be a reply to John Travolta*

    • Dekker, White Jesus is the identity that false Christinaity has give Jesus, in addition to christmas and easter. Most things false Christianity associates with Jesus are false, just like their personal convictions and the hypocritical way they lead their lives.

      Just food for thought.

      • Also food for thought: didn’t you say you were going away and never coming back unless Fish posts a formal apology?

        I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. You also said, “I don’t live like a hypocrite like they do…preaching one thing, living another thing…like a Sunday morning Christian,” and TomFrank’sGhost already pointed out you were full of shit about that too.

  9. He is the son of God and God is white…see it makes perfect sense.

  10. Dugger

    If your Server has to work as hard as our machines with all the adware or whatnot that loads up when we view I’m not surprised it crashes.

    Cooling fans kick on on notebook computers everytime and iOS devices crash when attempting to view. Not just today but all the time.

  11. Slash

    I’ve seen that illustration before and all I can think is, “Why is Jesus all up in that man’s ass while he’s shooting up? A polite person would wait until the heroin kicks in before commencing the sodomy.”

  12. Slash

    Also, that guy is awfully muscular and healthy-looking for a heroin addict.

    I get the impression that the artist is not terribly familiar with substance abuse.

  13. Slash

    But thanks to the artist for showing us Jesus’ “O face.”

    “Rock me, Sexy Jesus” indeed.

  14. I find this picture pretty F’ing awesome.

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