Well that was fun

Never made my proper introduction this morning. I’m Nick and I’m managing The Superficial transition until we can rehire Brendon (*fingers crossed*). Despite having a college degree, I’ve been writing dick jokes that masquerade as celebrity gossip over at Celebslam for the past 11 years. Fuck that’s embarrassing. My family thinks I’m in gay porn and I don’t correct them. I’m friends with Mike Redmond. Sucks that he quit, but I’m just here to keep the tits rolling. I may go off on a political rant for nostalgia’s sak–just kidding. I only like tits.

Made the mistake of venturing into the comments earlier. SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT. I was going to respond to some of you, but then I realized that you’re anonymously criticizing someone on a celebrity gossip blog. You’re already at rock bottom. Literally anything I say could drive you to suicide, and then I’d end up with some dipshit misspelling things about me on The Daily Mail. Don’t get me wrong — I’d do it if it drove traffic — but I’d feel a twinge of guilt about it.

Give me a chance. Don’t give me a chance. I honestly don’t care. The fact that you’re reading this means that I’ve already monetized the shit out of  you. Boom. I just paid my cell phone bill without even thinking about it. Okay, half.