Welcome to Clusterf@ck! Mode

October 10th, 2011 // 58 Comments
Johnny Airplane

Starring STEPHEN STUCKER as JOHNNY. “Muahahahahaha!”

Alright, folks, I’m not going to pussyfoot around this one: Photo Boy’s on vacation until Saturday – *curls up in fetal position, sucks thumb for five hours, returns* – and I’m still deeply embroiled in a shitty, shit-shit family situation, so posts might be a tad scattered this week. Or they might not, but just in case, I felt it my duty to inform you I’m self-medicating – *pours anti-freeze into coffee, sips* Santa Maria! – and I may not get to be my usual anal retentive self regarding site functions, so hope you like spam! On that note, Most Important People, and possibly even Crap We Missed, are probably going to be the first ones shoved out of the plane and told to flap like a butterfly.

Whiningly bitchingly yours,

- The Superficial

Photo: Paramount Pictures


  1. fetal position? hah fish i bet you’re like j jonah jameson around photoboy, “where’s that damn upskirt!! teenagers….” grow a hitler mustache and man up :)

  2. sc4play

    Clusterf@uck mode must be catching this week. I get my gall bladder taken out tomorrow……maybe the meds will help things seem like normal around here!

    • Dr.J Fever

      As someone who has had this done my advice is ice packs. Those and the vics got me thru it and in 6 weeks you’ll feel MUCH better.

    • My advice is to drink heavily. That’s always my advice and it seldom fails. Don’t let all that damn ice go to waste.

    • Had mine out a few years back. Are they doing yours laparoscopically? If so, it’s not that big a deal and it shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks to rehab.

      That being said, I can give you one word to help you through it: drugs. Take the pain meds.

  3. “Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue.”

  4. The Brown Streak

    Striker? Striker? Striker! Damn, where’s Lindsay Lohan when you need her?

  5. Haven’t been on too much lately (fuck work..) so I’m not up to speed. But here’s hoping for a speedy and solid resolve for whatever situation you’re in with the fam, Fishmanz. Hang in there :)

  6. Janice

    Hope whatever is going on is resolved soon for you. In the meantime, brush up on your Jive.

    • Amen, and fish: blood is thicker than water. Whatever it is hang in there and keep your decisions long term smart. Family, marriage, and friendship can always survive the worst of bullshit.

  7. HDTV’s, 1500 bucks. This week only. Bring your Mom.


  8. Holland

    Man I feel you. My family situation is completely crap right now, without signs of it getting better any time soon.

    The fact that you got b
    ehind your keyboard, has given me my first real (and much needed) laugh. Thanx so much for that, hope your problems are over soon!

    SC4Play: good luck on your surgery

  9. farting old man's wife

    Hi, Mr. Fish, I can totally sympathize with the family situation!!! I have have got a situation that is leaving me so guilt ridden, that it is affecting everything I do!! I feel for you!! Now that being said!! Take your mind off of the problem and ya know distract yourself by hmmmmm….I don’t know…how about WORKING!!!

    • Why do I feel that situation that affects everything you do is the overuse of exclamation points? Let the man handle his family shit without your trying to get him to keep you amused.

  10. Fletch's Ghost

    I just couldn’t take not having the Most Important People so I did it. Hope things work out quickly Fish.

    Just make sure to throw up a couple Kelly Brook pics here and there and I’ll be satisfied until you get things straightened out.

  11. Frank Burns

    If you’ve got a family situation to look after, then do it, and without hesitation or regret about us. We’re just a bunch of internet chodes who should probably be doing something else (like our boring jobs) anyway. Best of luck to you.

  12. forrest gump

    if you should ask the man polite if he can push it into your anus, he will just do that!!

  13. KWDragon

    Hang in there, man. We’re thinking of you.

  14. maggs

    Sorry to hear things are a mess. That always fucking blows.

  15. Snack pack

    “Now the sh!t has really hit the fan!”

    Echoing all the other well-wishers here wishing you well. At least you aren’t Andy Reid. You aren’t, are you? Oh how I wish you were. That’d be hilarious!

  16. tlmck

    Most Important People and Crap We Missed are the best part of the site. The rest can be dumped.

  17. TVisme

    Wishing you well with your family situation. But have to say that Most Important People and Crap We missed will not be missed by me. They are just ways for you to throw stuff up without putting any effort into it and very hard to scroll through.

    • Deryn

      Not that I want Fish to do them until he can, but *I* will miss them. The first, because I keep hope alive that someday, maybe, I will be bad enough. The second, because it’s where the commenters shine. I’m usually choking with laughter by the end.

  18. Clusterf@ck! mode? Well, NOW the ball’s in McFeely’s court! I specialize in Clusterf@ck! 24×7…as illustrated by my being here all day instead of doing my job (or at least, instead of doing it very well).

    Game on!

    • Cock Dr

      Counting on you Smackup, since others have deserted the snark outpost.
      Ya know, my sympathies might be engaged more on the blogger’s behalf if some details of the family emergency were shared.
      Yes, I want to see Grandma’s CAT scan.

    • McFeely, I think your little statement there applies to more than a few of us who post here. I’m a walking clusterf@ck!

      • Richard McBeef

        I literally engage in fornication with clusters of various size and shape.

      • I used to be a walking clusterf@ck but anymore I’m just too damn inert to walk.

        Hang tough, Fish. And since your blog time will be limited, remember the key to blogging success: TITS! Lots and lots of naked (preferrably natural), nice-sized, beautiful, pendulous milkduds with erect nipples, attached to lovely young starlets who want me to do unspeakable things to them with my…oops. Got carried away. You get the drift.

    • Jeez, ya sure those weren’t hemorrhoids, McBeef?

    • Frank Burns

      + 1 Wait, we’re supposed to do our jobs well? When the hell did that happen? But my indifference to quality is all that makes me cool!

  19. Satan's bitch

    Good luck, Fish. Miss ya, hope to see you back kickin’ ass and calling names real soon!

  20. random commenter/fish buttlicker

    Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for your man’s balls

  21. Dr.J Fever

    Fish just remember at least you’re not a Lohan.

  22. josh

    Fish come back soon. To fix that stupid scrolling thumbnail gallery preview I mean :-)

  23. Hope the shit doesn’t get too deep, Fish – family stuff can be brutal. Wear boots and survive the best you can. Good luck, dude.

  24. Deryn

    I, too, wilt into a quivering heap at the thought of our dear Fish in a crisis. Face it. We’re all just balls of mush with a thin crusty shell. Like hush puppies.

    It’ll be a rough week for us without you (regularly), but screw us. Take care of you and yours.

  25. GuidotheRed

    Be well, Fish.

  26. SuperficialFan

    I’ve been an avid reader since 2006 and haven’t commented until now. I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your family situation. That sucks. Take as much time as you need, your audience will be here when you resume regular posting.

  27. Winston Smith

    Long time listener, first time caller. Good luck with the family, Fish. The loss of snark in my life will be palpable until you’re fully back!

  28. If it’s anything like my shitbag of a situation, I can’t imagine how you’re getting anything done. All I can manage is making coffee, making phone calls, and reading The Superficial. And porn. Lots and lots of porn.

  29. dewyprincess

    I hope your family situation resolves with the best outcome. It sucks having to deal with that shit. Will look forward to regular influx of snark asap.

  30. ella

    thinking of you!

  31. ethermonk

    Let me guess … your whole family is gay, but you turned out self-loathing straight. Last weekend you decided to come “into the closet” and your family has rejected your hetero-ass.

  32. Lorren

    Most help articles on the web are incuarcate or incoherent. Not this!

  33. bblriyvisy

    92mFKu mbbumxdzqjhe

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