We Lost The Ultimate Warrior (1959 – 2014)

April 9th, 2014 // 67 Comments
Ultimate Warrior

I may not have posted about the deaths of Peaches Geldof, John Pinette or even Mickey Rooney, but in my defense, none of those people were day-glo embodiments of 1980s American exceptionalism that’s doomed as a nation ever since, but now’s not the time for that. Now’s where we pay tribute to a fake fallen warrior:

WWE is shocked and deeply saddened to learn of the passing of one of the most iconic WWE Superstars ever, The Ultimate Warrior.
Warrior began his WWE career in 1987 and quickly went on to become one of the biggest stars in WWE history. Warrior became WWE Champion at WrestleMania VI, defeating Hulk Hogan in an epic encounter.
We are grateful that just days ago, Warrior had the opportunity to take his rightful place in the WWE Hall of Fame and was also able to appear at WrestleMania 30 and Monday Night Raw to address his legions of fans.
WWE sends its sincere condolences to Warrior’s family, friends and fans.
Warrior was 54 and is survived by his wife Dana and his two daughters.

TMZ reports The Ultimate Warrior collapsed while walking to his car outside of an Arizona hotel. I prefer to believe he was bodyslammed by God and went up to Heaven for revenge. It’s been done before:

Macho Man Jesus

Rest in Peace [Edit: Or not. Preferably not. This is what I get for being nostalgic. - SW]

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  1. Holy shit. This is tragic. He just got inducted into the Hall Of Fame last Saturday. Looks like he had just enough time left to put all old grudges to bed before death took him.

    R.I.P. Ultimate Warrior.

  2. j/k

    And Justin Beiber still roams the Earth.

  3. Rip Warrior. I don’t care if you were an asshole in real life. On my TV growing up you were a god.

    • MudButt

      This. A million times this.

    • I third this. I mourn Warrior, not James.

    • Johnny Barbells

      …i once heard Patrice O’Neal do a bit in which he said; “as black folks, we mourn michael jackson differently…we mourn the michael from about 1970 to 1988, you know, when he was still black, and before all that touchin’ kids shit” [paraphrase] …so i hear what you’re saying, but still; fuck that guy.

  4. Sam

    Even now he stands at the right hand of the Macho Man Randy Savage…

  5. Homophobic piece of shit bully who, by all accounts, was a giant pain in the ass prima donna that no one liked to work with and had a habit of flaking out on gigs (and got shit canned as a result)…but, hey, he used to grab the ropes and shake them, so RIP.

  6. Shemp

    What a way to learn that Peaches Geldof died. I thought the lead was just a joke or something at first, then I googled it. Fuck. What a bummer.

  7. Yeah, he was a bigot… but let’s remember the good times, when we were young, and he was just bat-shit crazy.

    RIP, Warrior.

  8. The WWF was a centerpiece of my 13-year old life. Never was a Warrior fan, but sad to see what seems like half of those guys I watched every Saturday dead before their time. RIP Warrior.

  9. He may have been terrible/hilarious with his incoherent on air interviews and really not a great wrestler, but I’ll give him this, no one’s intro was shorter; because he ran as fast as he could, full speed to the ring. And that….that’s something. I loved him, he was awesome.

  10. Meh, he was a roided up piece of shit that paraded around in panties in a fake sport. Who gives a shit if he is dead? What kind of people watch that garbage?

  11. Well, t least the homophobic nutcase The Dingo Warrior is dead from his steroids abuse. Good riddance.

  12. I was much more saddened by the death of John Pinette. Saw him live twice – absolutely hilarious and a consummate performer. But his passing wouldn’t give you an excuse to post a picture of Jesus receiving a flying elbow, and so here we are.

  13. malaka

    all should beware! because when the stars and the planets align, the ultimate warrior will come for the destruction of the enemies who would oppose the ultimate warrior!!

  14. P.T.S. Potential Trouble Source

    R.I.P.

  15. Cat Wolf

    Wrestling is fake, but the spirit of the Warrior is real!!!

    RIP.

  16. I tried reading that link/rant on the Warriors website. That’s some grade A crazy right there. Seemed like he started the rant in his head and then started typing about halfway through.

  17. Don’t take the warrior , take beiber , take the kardashians, we’ll sacrifice a 98 degrees cd , backstreet boys cd. what ever it takes.

  18. Pretty hilarious to be anti-homo when your entire career is based on presenting to homoerotica to the latent masses.

    Or it makes perfect sense.

  19. Why are we reading about this Warrior guy. I mean somewhere right now there is a press conference being held by some no name athlete or other low level personality stating he is gay and black and we need to interview him about it because he likes to stick his cock in other mans assholes and damn it others must know because what he is doing is groundbreaking and truly matters.

  20. who the fuck is this guy

  21. May he RIP while being repeatedly body-slammed by Andre the Giant.

  22. axl

    did they call “the undertaker” ?
    or check to see if it was faked?

  23. Winston

    RIP Warrior, you were a great entertainer.

    ps – give Eddie Guerrero a suplex for me

  24. RIP, UW. You were always one of the most entertaining and fun to watch.

  25. anonym

    helluva drug, cocaine is

  26. *ahem* …fuck that guy.

  27. @Johnnt Barbells ……. he wasn’t the greatest guy on earth but jeeez he’s dead i wonder if you would’ve said any of this to his face, he’d probably chop your head clean off with his hand. Have some respect

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