We Lost The Ultimate Warrior (1959 – 2014)

The Superficial | April 9, 2014 - 9:00 am

I may not have posted about the deaths of Peaches Geldof, John Pinette or even Mickey Rooney, but in my defense, none of those people were day-glo embodiments of 1980s American exceptionalism that’s doomed as a nation ever since, but now’s not the time for that. Now’s where we pay tribute to a fake fallen warrior:

WWE is shocked and deeply saddened to learn of the passing of one of the most iconic WWE Superstars ever, The Ultimate Warrior.
Warrior began his WWE career in 1987 and quickly went on to become one of the biggest stars in WWE history. Warrior became WWE Champion at WrestleMania VI, defeating Hulk Hogan in an epic encounter.
We are grateful that just days ago, Warrior had the opportunity to take his rightful place in the WWE Hall of Fame and was also able to appear at WrestleMania 30 and Monday Night Raw to address his legions of fans.
WWE sends its sincere condolences to Warrior’s family, friends and fans.
Warrior was 54 and is survived by his wife Dana and his two daughters.

TMZ reports The Ultimate Warrior collapsed while walking to his car outside of an Arizona hotel. I prefer to believe he was bodyslammed by God and went up to Heaven for revenge. It’s been done before:

Macho Man Jesus

Rest in Peace [Edit: Or not. Preferably not. This is what I get for being nostalgic. – SW]

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