We Get It, Kim Kardashian, You’re Lactating

October 2nd, 2013 // 69 Comments
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Kim Kardashian could be home taking care of her three-month-old daughter, but then who’s going to walk around Paris with their tits out for the cameras to distract from their post-pregnancy weight? You gotta have priorities. Also, it’s not like Kim left the kid with the worst possible person imaginable except, just kidding, she did. Via Hollywood Life:

Kris Jenner has been babysitting her granddaughter North West while Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are away in France at Paris Fashion Week. VH1′s Gossip Table revealed that Kim left strict instructions for the care of her baby with her momager — including that Kris was not allowed to take snaps of the baby or share her pictures online!

“Everything’s going to be fine, sweetie. I raised six kids, and what horrible things did I ever do to you?”
“Sex tape.”
“Ohmygod, you do that one time. One time! And you never hear the end of it.”
“I’m just going to take all the cameras just in case.”
“Fine, you do that. Gramma and Northie don’t need them. Isn’t that right?” *slips iPhone into baby blanket*

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Jack Ketch

    Ewwwww. A great big greasy kow. MOO. Care to tell us again that they’re real? Don’t.

  2. what’s up with the new bronze color? Spray tans cause autism.

  3. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m thinking she had some plastic surgery while the nannies took care of the newborn. She looks different.

  4. So, is she just intensely constipated since she popped out the kid, or has she already had a super-facelift (on top of all the botox and other shit)? Mahgah, make a damned facial expression already.

  5. Oh yes, this is exactly what Kate Middleton wore when she stepped out in public after her baby was born, wasn’t it? And I think I have a photo of my mother in a nearly identical dress.

    What a desperate, sad tramp. And I’ll second USDA Prime Beef: something looks different (the hair bleach, maybe? I think that’s a distraction for something else).

  6. Jane Doe

    .. And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with greasy boobs, and fake hair…

  7. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Dr. Doctor
    Commented on this photo:

    Mademoiselle C? You can’t make this shit up.

  8. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Ginger Failed
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a Jonas Brother peeking his impish head out?

  9. She wants to be Beyonce this bad, huh?

  10. Cock Dr

    MOOOOOOOO
    Needs more botox….there might still be some mobility left in her face somewhere.

  11. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim, hon. Yes, they say black is slimming but you’ve got to meet it halfway.

  12. oh i know

    what.the.hell.?? where is Randal when we need him????

    • Randal's proxy

      Motherhood suits the stunning Kim Kardashian well! She is resplendent here in all her greasy glory, showing off a fantastic new ‘do that has the look and texture of hay. Her dress is the stunning creation of one of her assistants, who sewed together an army-navy surplus tent and two hammocks that fit her like a sausage casing! We all look forward to seeing her radiance when she soon tips the scales at 300 lbs!

      • Lemme try.
        ========================

        You can see Kris’ eyes in this stunning blonde! And a curvaceous body evoking the golden days of Hollywood to boot. I expect to see more provocative and progressive fashion not only from Kim but her on the edge and extraordinary boyfriend Kanye in the coming years.

        Congratulations Ms. Kardashian, you are a beautiful flame of wonderfulness. Thank you!

      • oh i know

        *clapping* NICE job, thank you!! :)

    • Fresco

      I don’t think Randal’s coming back…

  13. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    something tells me that tomorrow we’ll see photos of her wearing a neckline well above the “whisker burn motorboat” level.

  14. She gets more disgusting with each passing day.

  15. ace11

    Why does she want to be black?

  16. dunkydoo

    why is her skin such a weird color? who told her blonde would be a good thing? givenchy rolled over in his grave when he saw this schmata on this cow. what happened to her face? why is she at all?

  17. Fresco

    I’m confused. Is Kanye a fashion designer? Or just a tyrant. Either way, his woman’s outfits suck.

  18. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    I shall call her… “Burnt Sienna”.

  19. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a fucked-up jack-o-lantern.

  20. I’d rather fuck her mom.

  21. cc

    Seeing something that looks like it’s been basted for several hours reminds me…isn’t Canadian Thanksgiving coming up?

  22. Robb7

    This, I guess, is Kanye’s grand plan to re-brand this dumb heffer into an A-lister. It ain’t working!

  23. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    IF she could act (and she seems to have trouble playing herself on TMZ), I would suggest that Princess Vanellope start a Kickstarter campaign to make an updated Mother, Jugs & Speed (trailer: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi245171737?ref_=tt_pv_vi_1 )

  24. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Get out there and hustle bitch, those leather jogging pants aren’t going to sell themselves.”

  25. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Dead inside, slowly dying outside.

  26. Kate

    I don’t like shitting on new moms, but for her I’ll make an exception because I hate her so much. I love the jabs at her post-baby figure. Also, what the fuck happened to her face?

    • Myself, I’d like to know what the fuck makes her think we would actually believe those hideous fakers are real. As in, what the fuck is between her ears? She makes me sick.

  27. Yeah

    She used makeup to make herself look whiter before she got pregnant with Kanye’s baby, now she’s trying to look like Beyonce.

  28. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Judd
    Commented on this photo:

    woof woof Kimmie!!! Thank goodness she wears 5 pounds of makeup because a close-up of her face reveals some real nastiness–even with all that make-up…*barfs all over keyboard

  29. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    JO JO
    Commented on this photo:

    Its ridiculous dont wear a revealing dress and wear a hideous jacket over it if you are cold wear something else… if you are uncomfortable wear something else… common sense!! She is Kanyes and Ricardos Guinea pig

  30. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    I have to be honest… I am only accepting that this is Kim Kardashian because you are telling me so. If she wasn’t listed as, “Kim Kardashian” I wouldn’t be able to tell you who this was. I might say she sort of looks like Kim K., but… well, let’s just say it’s pretty obvious she got a lot of work done over the past three months. Despite that, I’m sure she’ll be an excellent mother.

  31. The Dude

    Maybe if we all keep up with the obvious (YOU ARE A FAT NO TALENT WHORE) she will go back into hiding forever.

  32. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    krav
    Commented on this photo:

    Moo!

  33. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    easy on the spray tan

  34. Meshuggah Tits

    Wow, she must have spent so much time pumping and properly storing her milk so her baby could ea—, I mean so Kris could sell it on the (lol) black market.

  35. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Cover your udders Kim,nobody wants to see them.

  36. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Yup
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s hot and I would so do her. But I don’t care what ANYBODY says, on her right breast, that is an implant outline pushed out because she’s leaning into that dude. And she is NOT lactating. Her boobs would be twice that size if she was. Her boobs are the same size they’ve always been which means she got that shot or whatever women get after childbirth who aren’t going to breastfeed. And her kid is in Cali with her “mom”, there is no way in hell she is dedicated enough to pump the entire time she’s away from that kid to keep the milk flowing.

  37. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Ugh
    Commented on this photo:

    That new nose is a tragedy.

  38. If she breast feeds her baby, does the milk come in plastic bags?

  39. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Bahah
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim Kardashian is so desperately trying to be Beyoncé….From dying her hair blonde-ish to dying her skin near black…

  40. blerg

    Rhianna should not get fat.

  41. Seriously Get a Life or a Hobby

    God – you people are completely insane & obsessed. I rarely comment on these things, but reading all of these truly despicable comments is really discouraging. She just had a baby 3 months ago. Of course she still has weight to lose! I’d LOVE to see how some of you heffas look 3 months after you have a child (if you can find anyone to reproduce with you, that is).

    I absolutely agree that the entire family is comprised of fame whores – what else would you expect after watching their mother? If you hate Kim Kardashian (and her family, and her boyfriend, and her body, and her hair, and her actions, and her parental skills, and her tits, and her face, and her skin, and her… You get the picture…) Then why do you upset yourselves SO VERY MUCH by reading and commenting on EVERY SINGLE STORY that she’s mentioned in? Surely you have something better to do with your time?

    I’m well aware that I’m commenting myself, but this is literally the only time I’ve commented on a gossip story in months – if not years. I get on these sites to read the articles – and then I move on with my life! I have a job, a family, friends and a generally active lifestyle that prevents me from trolling every single article’s comment section about a celebrity that I don’t care for. It’s actually kind of scary and creepy that the internet is so full of trolls who have literally nothing better to do than to spew batshit insane hatred online all day, every day. Wow. It truly shocks me every single time – and will never cease to amaze me.

  42. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    airjordan23bb@hotmail.com
    Commented on this photo:

    This chick spends more time on wardrobe than playing moter-boat with her kid…mom of the year right there.

  43. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    molyn
    Commented on this photo:

    those boobs must be killing her with pain

  44. Reggie

    WHORE
    Still slept and let a guy pee on her
    Whore

  45. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    FUCKING DISGUSTING BLOB THING CREATURE!

  46. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    heysamjo
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s called “sunkissed” honey, not Dorito raped.

  47. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Riccardo Tisci Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Dox
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that black lipstick, or have lips finally started to rot?

  48. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Twink
    Commented on this photo:

    Quick get me the wide angle lense or I will not get her all in the pic . . . .

  49. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    jive
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s what she looks like nowadays?

    What the fuck happened to her?

  50. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Mademoiselle C Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Pre-nups aren’t tacky. That dress on the other hand……

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