There’s A $10,000 Reward For This Douche

August 12th, 2014 // 89 Comments
War Machine
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While I try to make it a point not to write posts that give Chris Brown an erection, MMA fighter War Machine is currently on the run after allegedly beating and attempting to rape porn star Christy Mack. TMZ reports:

Porn star Christy Mack says War Machine broke up with her in May but for some reason showed up at her house at 2 AM Friday. She says he walked in, didn’t say a word but unleashed a beating on her friend.
War Machine threw the friend out of the house and then she says he allegedly made her strip and shower in front of him. Then she says the beating began … resulting in 18 broken bones around her eyes, a broken nose, missing teeth, a fractured rib and ruptured liver.
Mack says War Machine also “sawed much of my hair off with [a] dull knife.”
She says he threatened to rape her but was unable to perform.

Except if you ask War Machine this was all just a simple romantic proposal that had a little hiccup he can easily explain. After he flees the country:

I’m not a bad guy, I went to surprise my gf, help her set up her show and to give her an engagement ring and ended up fighting for my life.
The cops will never give me fair play, never believe me. Still deciding what to do but at the end of the day it’s all just heart breaking.
I only wish that man hadn’t been there and that Christy & I would behappily engaged.I don’t know y I’m so cursed.One day truth will come out

Okay, so say you really had to fight some dude for your life. How did that involve pummeling a woman until you broke her eye, nose, ribs and ruptured her liver? Was the knife haircut because she’s Samson? Was she being mind-controlled? Is this guy Doctor Strange and had Christy been alone she would’ve accepted your marriage proposal without his demon influence forcing her to reject your love? Tell me more believable, sensitive man who does alpha male shit. Your logic is sound.

In the meantime, here are Christy’s injuries along with her side of the story which apparently War Machine feels is the stuff of romantic comedies. I hear Gerard Butler was even looking to option, but backed out when they couldn’t work a Porta-potty into the plot. Hollywood, right?

For real though, if anyone sees this guy, stand your fucking ground in the most George Zimmerman sense of the term.

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  1. Flithy Mauricio

    remember when 4chan made him punch himself in the face? that was pretty funny

  2. Looks like a real winner. Way to make Mr. and Mrs. Machine proud.

  3. JC

    His story makes complete sense if you assume that he and the mystery man chose “porn stars” as their dueling weapons instead of, say, a pistol or sword.

  4. Dox

    I am trying… sort of… to conceive of a world in which a trained MMA fighter is forced to fight for his life against a 100 lbs woman.

    Unless she turns green and grows six feet, and gains about seven hundred pounds of muscle…. Im not seeing it. Ever. And neither will a jury. Enjoy prison. You belong there.

  5. I hope they catch his guy. Sounds like the typical obsessed ex. He came over unannounced, saw his ex with another man and flew into a rage.

    • And what stopped the “friend” from immediately calling the cops once out of the house??

      • Could be the “friend” was someone she picked up, and when Roid Boy came charging in claiming he was her boyfriend and beat the crap out of him, he just ran.

      • Hmm

        Are you really shocked that this tattooed piece of trash mess of a pornstar’s friend was the type of quality individual that would not call the cops after an altercation like that? Judging by her excellent taste in men and life choices in general, I am going to assume it was another bro, roid doichebag like War Machine. This country needs a good dose of genocide to get rid of the fucking pieces of garbage it has infested society with in the last few decades.

      • KeepinItReal

        Exactly.

      • Hmm masturbates to porn, but all the people that make it are terrible humans. How does that work?

      • It was her Drug Dealer or John.

    • dennis

      If you go back on his Twitter feed, those two were hanging (and probably fucking) as recently as the end of July. So it’s not like he just showed up again out of the blue like she’s making it out to be.

      Based on his posts, WM is also a fucking psychopath. He was joking about how he scared his UPS driver so bad the guy threatened to call the cops.

      x2 On the guy she was hanging out with wanting to avoid the cops himself since he didn’t call them once he got clear and left her to die. Drug Dealer or someone just as shady….

  6. Short Round

    Bitches be crazy. He seems such a well balanced, rounded, eloquent individual.

  7. Jason

    This asshole is no alpha male.

  8. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    He thinks the cops will never give him fair play. I don’t think he understands what fair play is. If he does, why did he beat a woman so badly?

    Note to all police: Just blow this turd off the face of the earth. We’ll all thank you.

    • NutSlut

      Yeah, he’s not wrong. If he doesn’t hand himself in, I get the distinct impression he’s going to be “committing suicide” as the police move to “take him into custody”.

    • “Fair play” in this scenario would be him with a knife or bullet wound, him pushing her to escape and call the cops…not beating her senseless. Horrible human being.

  9. “I do Alpha Male Shit” aka Eat Steroids, Beat Women, Flex, Howl at the Moon, Run Away

    • Steroids

      Hey Guys. You know, I’ve been catching a lot of flak in these comments for this douchebag’s behavior, and I just wanna say; nothing MAKES you into an asshole, your natural assholey-ness can only be unleashed and/or intensified. So don’t blame me, blame this piece-of-shit’s parents for raising a retarded monster.

  10. I Hope he likes doing Alpha Male in prison.

  11. tinfeystaintmole

    chris brown just jizzed his pants

  12. Hmm

    Trashy pornstar dates mental case and mental midget MMA fighter, their favorite types of men, and gets the shit beaten out of her, who would have ever guessed that would happen, in of course the homeland of the trashiest people in America.

  13. zanjoe

    Porn Star? Hello? She looks HIDEOUS in those photos. Doesn’t anybody think anymore? The guy *allegedly* disputed with her probably because he showed up and found out how butt ugly she really is. Bitch. NEXT.

    • you do understand that she probably doesn’ t normally look like a bag of hammered shit, right?

    • Fucken Misogynist Cunt! Apparently you haven’t seen her porn tours de force films?But contrary to your mother who was hookering done LA for 5 bucks. She is quite attractive, part of the Joanna Angel website? Thats before the senseless “Hulk Mad” beating.

  14. NutSlut

    Let’s be honest: Everyone knew that this was coming. As Mauricio mentioned above, this is a guy who roid-rages so hard that having 4chan troll him on Twitter for a few hours caused him to lose his shit and punch himself in the face.And then take pictures. And post them on his Twitter going “OMG LOOK HOW ANGRY I GOT!”.

    So normally, I wouldn’t care. Stupid people do stupid shit all the time.

    But this is a lady who told the internet she would blow whoever was best at LEGO.

    She is a patron of the chaotic arts.

    So I hope someone hits this fuckin’ idiot with their car, then drags him behind it all the way to the police station.

  15. Santiago

    i’d still hit it….oops, i mean i’d still bang her…. wanna fuck her puffy ass face,…and does her pussy still work?

  16. Papi

    And superfish guy, since when do you support dumb whores? damn dude, what happened to you?

    • Dox

      You seriously have no soul.

      Its the only explanation I can come up with, where you think what you posted is either funny, witty, or some how acceptable.
      Nobody deserves to be humiliated and beaten like that. Nobody. Not even Kim Kardashian…

      Whether or not you agree with her chosen profession, she’s a human being. And I thought our society was built around the idea that we don’t treat human being’s like that.

    • Good trolling requires that the trolling be unobvious. This is amature trolling at best. But for the sake of argument, there is a subtle distinction between whore and pornstar. With a few regional exceptions, one practices an illegal activity, while the other does not. As a troll, subtlety is unlikely to be your strong suit, but It’s sort of the difference between pharmacist and drug dealer. Regardless, physical assault is both illegal and generally considered immoral (and I say generally because, well, you and anyone defending War Machine).
      However, given that her ex-boyfriend beats people as a profession (and apparently as a hobby, given his violent criminal history), along with the fact that her “friend” apparently ran off without bothering to contact police, I would question the life choices she is making OUTSIDE of her chosen profession.

    • Aww, what’s wrong Papi? Didn’t your mommy hug you enough as a child. Did she let your step daddy hurt you? Your comments put you on the exact same level as War Douche up there.

  17. WHERE IS TONY STEWART DRIVING WHEN WE REALLY NEED HIM?????

  18. Anyone else get the feeling the next headline with the name “War Machine” in it will also contain the words “suicide by cop”?

  19. I think I will pay tribute to Ms. Mack today with a fap to her best works.

  20. I always assumed “alpha” was synonymous with “impotent.” Looks like I was right.

  21. Kelly

    Uh, why didn’t the guy he threw out of the house call 911?

  22. MZ MIZRY

    that roidturd has a history of severely battering women.
    dont know why he’s still roaming free.

  23. Choey

    He’s really gonna get a chance to do some alpha male shit when he’s locked up for the next twenty years. He’s a professional fighter and psycho so he will probably thrive in prison. Personally I think he’s gonna pull a Robin Williams

  24. buzz

    He is a piece of crap that will be in jail for a long time; that’s if the cops find him alive. Sounds like he was going to escalate things to murder/suicide before she got away.

    On the flip side, some women love dating bad boys. They need to open their eyes that this type of thing can happen.

  25. What a crazy piece of shit douchebag. Odds of this ending with him dead?

  26. KeepinItReal

    What a complete piece of psychotic douche bag garbage. The guy should do the world a favor and kill himself.

  27. Glass

    Porn Stars and MMA Fighters – the Gladiators of today.

    • I kind of suspect his MMA days are over. If he were to climb into the octagon (or the ring) with someone, they might end up beating him to death (Oh, darn!). The ref would just have to take an emergency pee break at the opportune time.

  28. The assholes will come out of the woodwork to blame the victim in this situation because she was in porn and “should have seen it coming”, but NO ONE, especially your “girlfriend/potential fiance”, (seriously? in one second he goes from wanting to marry her to almost beating her to death? Bro, do you even roid rage?) deserves what he did to her.

  29. He should have picked a hooker to beat. You can legally beat them to death if you want. Pornstars aren’t people, but are protected from cruelty like animals. And like people that beat animals, this meatfucking douche needs to have his fucking skull caved in with a baseball bat.

    • Papi

      lol he did pick a hooker to beat, a famous hooker with lots of instagram followers, which basically makes her a “celebrity” in today’s world. Oh, the laughs.

      +1 for beating hookers though, good times , good times.

  30. mx3

    DONT DO STEROIDS, GUYS.

    what a fucking ASSHOLE. I honestly get wet thinking about him getting his ass beat/raped in jail or having hundreds of women stone him to death or rape him with blunt objects or smash his face in while wearing high heels etc etc etc.

    Lol anyways…needless to say, i hope he gets caught.

  31. Mike Walker

    That’s the guy who caught flak last year for tweeting about “raping” his girlfriend:

    Just raped @ChristyMack She tried to make me wait until “after errands” As if! =p
    — War Machine (@WarMachine170) August 10, 2013

    Real men rape. ( Their GF’s and wives, not strangers, don’t get your panties in a bunch.) — War Machine (@WarMachine170) August 10, 2013

    She responded with :

    To be clear, @WarMachine170 says stupid things at times; we all know this. He did not rape me, nor would he rape any woman (or man).
    — Christy Mack (@ChristyMack) August 10, 2013

    Water finds its own level.

  32. Slash

    Yeah, that looks like true romance. Esp. the black eyes and busted lip.

  33. This is why “Iron Patriot” is testing better.

  34. Steps to help not get yourself pummelled half to death :

    1. Have a career that isn’t porn star, hooker, or pop star
    2. Don’t date guys with IQs in the double digits
    3. Don’t stay with said guys even after they make rape ‘jokes’
    4. If said moron and you split up, move away. Far, far away.

    Seriously, when will women open their eyes? Douchebags like this often give some pretty clear signs of the raging asshole within. Heed them.

    • Bringbackbabalu

      Warning signs? Like what? Not Jon, hes a class act….

      He was released from the UFC after comments made about the death of Evan Tanner and for rejecting a fight offered by UFC matchmaker Joe Silva. War Machine posted on his Myspace that he believed that Tanner had gone to the desert to kill himself after he realized his career might have been over and had basically made no money during it. Medical examiners proved that Tanner’s death was not a suicide but War Machine stood by his statements.[16]

      After a dispute with TNA Wrestling over the use of his nickname, Koppenhaver legally changed his name to “War Machine” in 2008.

      War Machine was signed and then released by Bellator Fighting Championships. His MySpace blog cited disparaging comments about Barack Obama—including his “hopes someone smokes that [expletive] ( Barack Obama) and every president to come”—as the cause for his non-participation in their upcoming tournament.[17][18]

      On October 31, 2009, Koppenhaver announced that he would pursue a career in pornographic films along with fighting mixed martial arts.[31] In his announcement, Koppenhaver revealed that he had signed with LA Direct Models and made his debut scene with pornographic actress Riley Steele.[31]

      Koppenhaver has been arrested and convicted numerous times for violent offences.

      On September 2, 2007, he was found guilty of striking a Las Vegas man in the face and choking him unconscious during a parking lot scuffle.[34] In February, 2008, he was sentenced to three years of probation and 30 days of community service, avoiding the possible felony charge and accompanying prison time.[34]

      On February 22, 2008, Koppenhaver plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge of assualt and battery, and was fine and sentenced to probation.[35]

      A drug addict ufc fighter with a huge ego…ya he is a great find girls!!!

  35. dennis

    Anyone else see Dog the Bounty Hunter’s tweet that he was going after this clown?

  36. Bringbackbabalu

    Fuck this, if she is DUMB ENOUGH to even talk to this dbag…lol she deserved it. Fucking John Koppenheiver or whatever his name was back in the UFC TUF is one of the biggest dbags in the world. And considering she is a porn star makes it even more ironic. Fuck them both, and dog the douche. Throw them all in a black hole.

  37. whatever

    ” I DO ALPHA MALE SHIT.”
    do, as in sex act
    alpha male shit, as in putting his little richard up a dominant male’s backside
    -got it

  38. Crystal's Mom

    Holy shit, who would have guess that dating a roided up guy who fights for a living was a bad idea? Seriously, I am shocked. Who knew? And I always thought that porn stars made such careful life choices.

    • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

      Her choice of where to have a sizable tattoo placed doesn’t exactly speak to her being the sharpest tool in the shed.

  39. HesAnAlphaBottom

    Neck tattoos are classy!!

  40. “ALPHA MALE” should be hyphenated.

    Too bad the grammar police didn’t pick up on this sooner, they could have arrested him and avoided this entire mess.

    *adjusts polka-dot bow tie*

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