The Police Caught War Machine Without Dog The Bounty Hunter? Impossible

You can shoot an unarmed black kid six times in this country without most people batting an eye, but you’ll be goddamned if you beat the shit out of a porn star because we need them to jerk off. So after an intensive manhunt, US Marshals have finally arrested MMA fighter War Machine who’s apparently not that hard to find. Just look for the trail of women he keeps smacking around. KTLA reports:

“And they were like banging on the door, trying to get it open, and they’re like, ‘Open the door, open the door,” Nicolle Blankenship said. “Finally when they got it open they yelled, ‘Gun,’ and then all of a sudden you see them shoot him with a Taser. And he got shot with a Taser and he went down to the floor, and then they handcuffed him.”
Once officers were inside the room, they discovered “a small quantity of cash and some pizza,” a police news release stated.
Hotel guest Mary Casamento said she called police to the hotel after seeing a “big dude” yelling at and pushing a petite woman who was trying to calm him down. He grabbed her by the hair, Casamento said.

Of course the real question on everyone’s mind is where the hell was Dog The Bounty Hunter? Would you believe WRESTLING SNAKES?

Cops went to War Machine’s home in the San Diego area this morning to remove two of his exotic snakes. According to an officer … Dog the Bounty Hunter was also there.

That’s right. When Dog comes for you, he comes for your snakes, brah. And then gets on Facebook:

We got Dog at LAX Saturday when he talked about his manhunt for the MMA fighter, who cops caught Friday. Dog says he’s never used social media before, but he’ll never be without it again, after his troops mobilized in an incredible way.

“At first there was a lot of confusion and people pouring ice over their heads – probably some drug thing, brah, you know how it is – but, listen to me closely, when the Dog’s army gets mobilized, they’re an unstoppable force for telling me the guy I’ve been hunting was already arrested four hours ago. I got like 25 messages on my phone here, brah. Now I don’t know how to respond to them, or hell, even open them. But they’re there, brah, lying, waiting. So you better ask yourself: Where you gonna be when the Dog friend requests you?”

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