Wahlburgers Needs to Ketchup on Rent Payments

“Yea, we lost another location and it’s probably more my kid brotha Paulie’s fault. I don’t give a shit though, did you see me eat a Wahlburger in the new Transformers movie? I did my part.”

Mark Wahlberg and his flying Bostonian burger brothers closed another Wahlburgers this past month, this time in Coney Island. According to sources, they were behind on their rent and making half-assed burgers for idiot tourists who don’t know what real food tastes like. Markey, Donnie, and their kid brotha Paul have also been unsuccessful in opening their Times Square location since 2015.

Really what’s going on here is that the initial draw of eating a burger that may have been fingered by Marky Mark has faded the longer that these restaurants stay open. The gimmick has died. He’s never coming by to ask you if you got enough ketchup and offer to refill your Mr. Pibb. He’s a busy guy.

“Wahlburgers required its Coney Island restaurant to close due to a number of factors. The same franchise group was in the process of developing a space in Times Square. In both cases the franchisee was not operating in compliance with Wahlburgers business practices and brand standards.”

The rep added, “Ownership is in the process of restructuring their business and bringing in new management to ensure that Wahlburgers Coney Island maintains the brand’s values and high criteria as both a restaurant and a workplace. We are committed to the revitalization of Coney Island and reopening there, in addition to bringing Wahlburgers to Times Square, when we’re confident the leadership, staff, and resources are in place to uphold Wahlburgers’ commitment to excellence in all regards. We have no further comment.” (From PageSix)

This is the problem with jumping right into a franchise with a celebrity endorsement and I don’t feel sorry for them at all. Hype drives the numbers up for the promotional periods, but when it comes to day-to-day operations… well… just check out their Yelp profile. It sounds like a bus stop that serves soggy tater tots.