VMAS: All This Should’ve Died In The Hurricane, But Noooooooo

August 28th, 2011 // 119 Comments

To further emphasize the fact it hasn’t showed music videos in over a decade yet still give out awards for them because its viewers just want to stare at moving pictures of anything, literally anything, MTV not only invited the cast of Jersey Shore (Minus The Situation who’s apparently going to shit into the hand that feeds him now.) to the VMAs, they actually flew them out of Jersey on a private jet to make sure they didn’t die in the goddamn hurricane even though, at minimum, these kids genitals would’ve at least got a powerwash. Now I have to make trails of calzones leading into car washes and/or trick them into thinking fire hydrants are really big penises which, in hindsight, probably won’t be that hard.

DEENA: Wait. Is this really a penis?
ME: Does it matter?
DEENA: Good point. *SQUUUUAAAAAAAATTTT*

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Plastic face!

  2. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Michael D
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do you wanna know how I got these scars?”

  3. JC

    Not everyone can rock the Vulcan whore look. Kudos, JWoww.

  4. I’m honestly surprised that JWoww knows how to cross her legs.

  5. brit

    A water cannon would repel them sufficiently.

  6. brit

    Spice Girls 2.0 – Sour Cream, Vinegar, Antacid and Bread Yeast

  7. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Jezebel
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’da thunk Mickey Rourke would look so good in a dress?

    • IHatePoopinAtWork

      LOL! Howard the Duck also comes to mind. J-Barf has a bill…and not just the one to her bad plastic surgeon.

  8. Jersey Shore VMAs
    suck it
    Commented on this photo:

    she is trying to hard, and those contacts look cheap

  9. Jersey Shore VMAs
    m
    Commented on this photo:

    In a tacky, whorish kind of way… yeah, I guess.

  10. Jersey Shore VMAs
    m
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it in their contract to look like hookers, or is that just how they are “naturally”. I put naturally in quotations, because there obviously isn’t a natural thing about these broads. Gutter filth.

  11. Jersey Shore VMAs
    lk
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks amazing, love the dress, hair/makeup, sparkly shoes

  12. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Jillia
    Commented on this photo:

    Yea, what’s going on here? She looks almost decent, and …. dare I say it… thin?? Maybe not thin-thin, but there’s seems to be less Snookie here. I’m so confused…

    :(

  13. Jersey Shore VMAs
    bday55
    Commented on this photo:

    is that the “I’m having anal sex” face?

  14. Jersey Shore VMAs
    bday55
    Commented on this photo:

    I think every guy at some point in his life has woken up next to a girl that looks something like her.

  15. alex

    Okay guys, check this out, Snookie looks good. Just look at those toned calves. Don’t look at anything else in the picture, just her calf. That’s a pretty hot calf.

    Everything else should be removed. Especially her face, torso, arms, ass and face. (Yes, face twice)

  16. Satan's bitch

    I don’t think even hurricanes are strong enough to clean up this much skank.

  17. it had to be said

    Wow. Snooki is the second “most attractive” in that crowd. Well played, little troll, well played.

  18. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Cornbread
    Commented on this photo:

    Brooke Hogan.

  19. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Jenn
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess Rainbow Brite and Silver Surfer didn’t get the memo. It was Wear Your Favorite Dress That Looks Like Vaginal Discharge Day at the office.

  20. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Kady
    Commented on this photo:

    She and Demi Lovato are pretty much wearing the same thing. JWow might be a little more covered up.

  21. Jersey Shore VMAs
    ISBN
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeez, with all the money they’re spending on these people, can’t some MTV people teach them how to stand properly and pose? Yeesh.

    • IHatePoopinAtWork

      her balls were sticking together…she was doing this stance in hope of them coming untangled and swinging free. I hear sweaty pinched balls are quite unfavorable.

  22. Jersey Shore VMAs
    ISBN
    Commented on this photo:

    Go Snooks. She is the only one that looks BETTER since this show started. What have the rest of them DONE to themselves? I think Sammi is on some sort of anti-pyschotics that blow her up. But otherwise don’t work…

  23. Where’s that doctor from Human Centipede when you need him?

  24. Stefanie

    Jersey Shore is what Irene vomited after overdosing on coke and crystal Meth, smoking a huge amount of Weed and guzzling cum from a 10,000 gay men infected with HIV, herpes and syphilis.

  25. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Mayana
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? TACKY CREATURES!

  26. Curious Troll

    If I were the man I was 20 years ago, I’D TAKE A FLAMETHROWER TO THIS PLACE!

  27. Annabelle

    Sammi looks beautiful. Id say her and Deena are tied! Deena looks so good! Snooki looks the same as always just doing way too much blah

  28. David Berkowitz

    It’s the STD team!

  29. Jersey Shore VMAs
    IHatePoopinAtWork
    Commented on this photo:

    Silverback. He keeps a steady supply of Band-Aids in his jean pockets from his bloody knuckles constantly dragging on the concrete. Hello Kitty brand too I’m sure.

  30. Jersey Shore VMAs
    IHatePoopinAtWork
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like the obnoxious ass at the mall that sits in the center island booth that sells cheap gold necklaces and prepaid cell phones. That hair is a mess tho- looks like he’s been nailed by Slimer from Ghostbusters.

  31. No, Mr. Scorsese, no. They haven’t seen Good Fellas.

  32. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Pibb
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks great! Lost the weight she needs to lose and isn’t dressing as tacky and fug.

  33. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Pibb
    Commented on this photo:

    Honestlyyyyyy who told her that dress looked good?? Whooooo put that lipstick on her!!! FUCK

  34. Anonymous

    If I had magic powers, I’d give Snookie a makeover. I’d give her a troll face. Oh wait, I wouldn’t have to because her face already looks like a troll face.

    Wow, that was lame.

  35. Jersey Shore VMAs
    foamin' and a frothin'
    Commented on this photo:

    those super-reinforced titanium heels are workin’ overtime

  36. Jersey Shore VMAs
    baccusvd
    Commented on this photo:

    FUCK I’d tap that. Does that make me an Ewok fucker? I don’t care. She looks good for a change.

  37. Audieme

    What are they all standing on? It’s the Hippo Crate

  38. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Audieme
    Commented on this photo:

    The girls need to STOP with the botox already

  39. Jersey Shore VMAs
    somoxie88
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF. Why is that Bratz Doll wearing Rainbow Brite’s dress?

  40. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Rebecca
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a sad day when Snookie is the best looking one in the bunch

  41. I Mean What

    This one from Jersey Shore looks ridiculous. Like a slutty Rainbow Brite http://bit.ly/oGac2f

  42. Royal_T

    They left VD on the stage!! SMH

  43. demetrius

    yaiks! they look used! am no come near anyone of ‘em.

  44. Jersey Shore VMAs
    steve
    Commented on this photo:

    he is sooooooooooooooooo fuckin ugly he and deena would go well together

  45. Jersey Shore VMAs
    steve
    Commented on this photo:

    i feel so sorry 4 her she actually thinks shes attractive! :(

  46. Jersey Shore VMAs
    steve
    Commented on this photo:

    its sad that he is the good looking one of the group

  47. Jersey Shore VMAs
    steve
    Commented on this photo:

    whats that thing next to that blow out douche i think its called a snooki and IT HAS NO SOUL!!!!!

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