VMAS: All This Should’ve Died In The Hurricane, But Noooooooo

To further emphasize the fact it hasn’t showed music videos in over a decade yet still give out awards for them because its viewers just want to stare at moving pictures of anything, literally anything, MTV not only invited the cast of Jersey Shore (Minus The Situation who’s apparently going to shit into the hand that feeds him now.) to the VMAs, they actually flew them out of Jersey on a private jet to make sure they didn’t die in the goddamn hurricane even though, at minimum, these kids genitals would’ve at least got a powerwash. Now I have to make trails of calzones leading into car washes and/or trick them into thinking fire hydrants are really big penises which, in hindsight, probably won’t be that hard.

DEENA: Wait. Is this really a penis?
ME: Does it matter?

Photos: Getty