VMAS: All This Should’ve Died In The Hurricane, But Noooooooo

August 28th, 2011 // 119 Comments

To further emphasize the fact it hasn’t showed music videos in over a decade yet still give out awards for them because its viewers just want to stare at moving pictures of anything, literally anything, MTV not only invited the cast of Jersey Shore (Minus The Situation who’s apparently going to shit into the hand that feeds him now.) to the VMAs, they actually flew them out of Jersey on a private jet to make sure they didn’t die in the goddamn hurricane even though, at minimum, these kids genitals would’ve at least got a powerwash. Now I have to make trails of calzones leading into car washes and/or trick them into thinking fire hydrants are really big penises which, in hindsight, probably won’t be that hard.

DEENA: Wait. Is this really a penis?
ME: Does it matter?

Photos: Getty


  1. somethingoriginal

    Looks like a hurricane threw up on them though

    • obz

      i think i just threw up a bit my mouth, it looks like the leftovers from the local brothel after the navy has come ashore. the only slags 5000 horny sailors wouldn’t touch

    • ugh it was an F1 on friday, so sick of the news calling it ‘hurricane’. between this and the ridic coverage over that 5.9, and they wonder why no one left nawlins before katrina. cry wolf 24/7 on the stupid news channels and people just stop listening..

  2. TaT

    Oh nooo, Jwow doesn’t look like she’s friggin hyped, or trilppin balls. Nasty, the only one that looks good is Sammi

  3. Ms. Poodle

    The one on the left almost looks human. Yay spray tan!

  4. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    nice lips/face, when will these bitches learn

  5. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    What did she do to her face?

    • jesus_christ

      you tell me, look at some pics from last season and tell me she doesn’t look 10x worse (not talking about her body)

  6. Nocturnia

    Dude, what the hell is Snooki’s dress made out of, puff paint? Deena looks like the crackhead version of Rainbow Brite.

    • Jillia

      God I CAN’T STAND Deena!!! The other 3 I can put up with looking at compared to her but holy mother fuck is she nasty. And her attitude is the worst. She is the very definition of putting lipstick on a pig. And don’t even get me started with that dress and hairstyle…

      Sad thing is, it took a lot of money to look that cheap.

  7. Venom

    VMA’s were just terrible this year.
    These fucking pieces of trash were there along with Kim Kardashian.
    Lil Wayne was running around on stage with his pants almost around his ankles and no shirt on looking like a fucking monkey.
    Chris Brown there.
    Lady GaGa looking and acting like a retard and dressed like a creepy guy the whole night.
    Katy Perry looked retarded as did Nicki Minaj, but Katy Perry is painfully stupid. Her I.Q. has got to be about 85.

    In summary, a clusterfuck.

    • Jillia

      Couldn’t agree more. Watched a little bit of it and couldn’t take it anymore, it was filled to the brim with stupid.

      Lil Wayne was what made me run for the remote.

      Runner up for for running for the remote like it was the anctedote was Best New Artist: Tyler the Creator’s and his whole entourage running around on stage like a bunch of fucking monkeys, as you said (couldn’t have said it better myself) and the stream of curse words that came out of his mouth was the icing on the cake and I turned it off. Way to show you can’t function above a 5th grade level and be a positive influence to the young people watching this show.

      And his mom looked like she was about to keel over she was so excited and crying. Bet she did nothing to curb her little cash cow’s repulsive behavior.

      “To all the kids watching, you can do this shit.” Well I think that says it all. You’re right. Anyone can be famous these days. Way to raise the bar and let the kiddies know how “easy” it is in the entertainment industry.

      • Venom

        I had forgotten about him because I have no idea who the hell he is, but that was flat out embarrassing.
        Why the hell did 30 guys need to rush the stage?
        I think 5th grade vocabulary might be generous.

      • kimmykimkim

        You mean Lil Wayne at the very end of the show? So you turned it off once the show was over? It’s ok to admit that you watched it you know. How else are you supposed to properly make fun of something if you haven’t seen all of it?

      • Jillia

        Haha. Was that the end? I don’t know. I caught it right around when Adele was performing. Perhaps I watched more than I thought.

  8. I’ll take “Alien bitches nailed by Shatner in Star Trek” for $600, Alex.

  9. Offendo

    Does anyone actually find any of these 4 to be attractive? I’d sooner stick it in a turd.

  10. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Only me
    Commented on this photo:

    She is so ugly!

  11. holymoly

    rupaul’s drag race reveals its cast for next season.

  12. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    If a gay anaconda tried to swallow a hippo, I think this is what it would look like.

  13. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    DEAR GOD WHY do they put this beast on TV??? I can’t even think of anything nice to say & understand. MTV – PLEASE STOP SIGNING THIS BEAST AND ASSutling people.

  14. forrest gump

    I’m happy to see Snooki is still on board, folks!!

  15. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Huh, Snookie cleans up somewhat nice.

  16. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Not enough tits and ass showing, we can still see her face.

  17. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Nope. Just ugly trash no matter what is done to it.

  18. p00p

    ELEVENTH!!! *fist pumps*

  19. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    somehow green contacts and extensions don’t make this any better…

  20. rm

    what’s that old saying…’you can put lipstick on a snookie..’?

  21. Tootles

    So hard to decide who’s the ugliest of them all, but that man faced wrinkled old looking bitch with the freaky green contacts takes the cake. You know Snookie and that other oompa loompa need a booster seat to drive a car

  22. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is she dressed in skittles?

  23. I can actually smell them. It’s a picture. On my computer screen. And yet, I swear to God, I can smell them. ‘taint roses either people.

  24. Trista Icari

    What happens when you mix a bag of skittles, heroine and Paris Hilton?
    - Deena

  25. dontkillthemessenger

    Did they get these outfits separately, then show up looking like an orchestrated clusterfuck?

    Oh, I see that someone lifted the restraining order against Ronnie.

  26. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    As much as I hate to admit it, the wookie looks pretty decent in these pictures. looks like she lost weight.

  27. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:


  28. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    shit, he’s gone super saiyan

  29. tlmck

    Baha Men have a new hit song. “Who let the dogs in! “

  30. Ismoss

    Some trailer park somewhere is missing 4 hoes.

  31. Lamarr Latrell

    MMMM, herpes , syphilis, gonorrhea,genital warts! Who wants some?

  32. I can’t blame these retards. i blame any retard who watches them on TV or points a camera at them.

  33. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Like when they tried to bring back the dinosaurs with incomplete DNA in Jurassic Park, they had to fill it in w/ frog DNA, which led to the females becoming capable of getting each other pregnant: I imagine this would be the result of similar efforts to bring back Fruit Stripe gum.

  34. Jersey Shore VMAs
    a powers
    Commented on this photo:

    does anyone think his hair looks good?

  35. Jersey Shore VMAs
    a powers
    Commented on this photo:


  36. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Commented on this photo:

    Women can hate on J-W all they want but the she is still hot !!

  37. BigDaddy

    They look like they would be able to take the hole fire hydrant. I would have to tie a 2 by 4 too my ass to keep from falling in.

  38. Leland Jones

    Better not catch any brothers with these white bitches !

  39. Butch Coolidge

    Buy and get a free disease with every purchase

  40. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Ricky G
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this the sewage that Hurricane Irene washed up on the “Shore”?

  41. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Ricky G
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’d a thunk it? – Snookie cleans up somewhat nice.

  42. Travis Bickel

    I’m getting genital warts looking at this picture

  43. Marcellus Wallace

    Standard challenge : start drinking until they look good

  44. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    The Four Horsewomen of the A-crotch-a-lips: Crabs, the Clap, Hurp, and Death.

  45. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Pocket Hulk. I could fit this midget in my back pocket and walk around all day not knowing he’s still in there.

  46. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    If someone would leave every door at the lion house of the San Diego zoo unlocked, there still wouldn’t be as much loose pussy as what you have in this pic.

  47. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does he look a lot older than his age posted online?

  48. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Still rotted looking to me.

  49. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    Why does the one on the left look like her cross eyed face was just involved in a massive auto collision?

  50. Jersey Shore VMAs
    Dave Mustaine
    Commented on this photo:

    My lord! Who’s the dude in drag?

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