Vin Diesel Growled Incoherently On A Selena Gomez Song. Neat.

“Sombings brong, by bicrobombe bisn’t bon.”
“Weird, everything sounds great on our end.”

I don’t know if this unholy Selena Gomez and Vin Diesel collaboration was what he was mumbling about last week, but if it was, I’ll be the first to admit that I was wrong to not get excited. I want you to experience this before I say anything else, and seriously just give this a shot for a few seconds. I swear it will be worth it.

Fucking horrific, right? I didn’t think it was possible to make Vin Diesel’s voice sound worse, but it seems if you layer it on top of yourself farting into AutoTune, it exponentially can. But there’s a bright side to this if you’re a jaded, cynical asshole like me whose job it is exploit what really are innocuous things about celebrities into big scandals, and it’s this: What we all just heard is garbage. That is objectively true. And yet, if you look on Vin’s page there’s praise streaming in to the point where someone actually wrote “Can’t stop listening… it’s the way your soul peeks through.” Then there’s this quote from a producer in a behind-the-scenes video:

You put so much passion into it,” one guy can be heard saying. “You step into something new and you put everything into it, and it was, like, your take on what his world is like, that’s just amazing. … It’s original — no one is doing it. So it’s f–king badass. You just came here. You killed it. This is not what you do. You just came here to sing and it’s cool, and it’s your own take on it. You don’t sound like every other f–king songwriter that comes in here and sounds the same and has a good voice. This is just different I don’t know what else to tell you. This is fresh.

He literally says “You don’t have a good voice,” mixed in with his stream of fake compliment diarrhea. If cynicism is the opposite of that kind of bullshit Hollywood earnestness, then I’ll take being a miserable keyboard cunt all day. Oh, shit, you thought I was going to go with a “I didn’t know Lupus damaged your brain joke” didn’t you? Don’t worry, it’s in my back pocket for when she bangs Bieber again. Plus, I didn’t forget the bikini pics. Good talk, guys.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Facebook