It’s Victoria’s Secret Angels in Spandex

July 13th, 2011 // 74 Comments

Alright, who showed them my penis?

After a long day of delicately exploring such controversial topics as race riots, chloroforming your kid to death, Down babies and naming your son after your ex because Orlando Bloom is a wee little vagina-man, I thought it’d be nice to post something we all can agree on. Namely that Victoria’s Secret models are gorgeous examples of what every woman’s body should look like or forever be shunned by society. That’s about as incendiary as oatmeal.

Photo: Getty, INFdaily, WENN


  1. Scott


  2. Ah Victorias Secret…where would we be without your catalog of fully clothed women with all traces of nipple or pubes airbrushed sterile lest we be overly titillated. We’d be on the internet looking at real porn…because this is 2011

    • TomFrank

      Or scanning through American Apparel’s website.

      • TomFrank

        “No, honey, it’s not porn! I’m, uh…shopping online! For you!”

      • Dr. Derp

        I work in promotions, and American Apparel are generally ignored by 95% of my clients simply because of the use of porn stars, and their ads being done in rather bad taste for most circumstances (no really, they have a sock promo ad that is literally a porn star banging herself). Even when I go to trade shows, the American Apparel booths are almost always empty outside the few young males that attend :P

        While I’m personally pro-slut (love dem sluts), but from a professional standpoint, their ad campaigns and imagery are rather unacceptable unless their target audiences are whores. When a major clothing brands website is NSFW, a red flag should go up.

        Just ranting. Disregard.

      • Richard McBeef

        Intercepted VS catalogs were a mainstay of my masturbatory fodder in my early teens so I will always have a soft spot for airbrushed away nipples.

      • ana

        @ dr. derp
        not only that, but their clothes are also absurdly expensive while looking totally cheap. their materials are all synthetic and u end up looking like some cheap pseudo hipster who is constantly sweating and hitching everywhere!

      • Deacon Jones

        @ Dr. Derp,

        I havent had the balls yet to go on it from work, but I’m assuming it would be blocked?

        Their founder is in a slew of legal issues for fondling/harassing the underage models they use.

        Apparently the marketing is working though, American Apparel is blowing the fuck up worldwide.

  3. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    I see some camel toe!

    She’s the best Angel! Candice FTW! Babe!

  4. Fletch

    Meh, I actually like women who eat.

    And someone please hit Candice with the ugly bat again; maybe that will fix her eyes.

  5. Deacon Jones

    Man, Candice has some major cameltoe going on in every pic of her.

    Isn’t that why the fat assistants are with them to QA that shit?

  6. Dan

    I’m not going with everyone should look like these women… but they sure are yummy looking.

  7. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:


  8. Jter

    I like how VS adds the brunette on the far left who looks 17. ‘Cause that what every woman, and man wants – the body of a 17 year old.

    • No Kidding

      Almost Right! Actually studies have shown that men prefer women of the age of 16.87 years old. And let’s be honest for once. Guys on this site and elsewhere often pretend that they are not attracted to “underage” girls but mostly that’s just social conditioning and an attempt to project a conformist viewpoint. In our society, the idea and consequences of being labeled a pedophile are terrifying. With men, the truth is whispered among good friends and can seen in their eyes as they wander any shopping mall with their wives and children. The high school and college girls are the main attraction. It’s just natural, and with more men than will ever admit it, even younger girls are not off limits for fantasy. Men are not pigs or dogs, but we are the sexually aggressive gender and subject to doses of testosterone, brain chemistry, and conditioning which spawn thoughts and ideas that we have no control over, and which women can not ever hope to relate to. We are civilized and moral because we have learned to harness control over these impulses and most of us accept society’s imposed limitations and even champion them, lest our own daughters become victims of god forbid, a pedophile.

  9. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    what a beautiful camel toe!! candence toe!

  10. Wait…I’m seeing feather pillows, chocolate sauce, shaving gel and razors…OK…proceed

  11. Richard McBeef

    looks like homegirl is into having a exercise bike wheel spin in her ass crack. Whateva works, I suppose.

  12. Artofwar

    ….So, this is what’s being pawned off as the epitome of beauty these days??? If so, it would explain why I’m such a staunch supporter extra-planetary exploration….Artofwar

  13. Cock Dr

    “what every woman’s body should look like or forever be shunned by society”
    Huh. This from someone who not too long ago was crushing hard on midget Hayden P. Go figure.

  14. Drew

    The one on the left is most definitely the ugly one all the real angels make fun of behind her back. The rest of the gallery proves my theory.

  15. Billy Barty, Jr

    Box of roofies, bottle of Smirnoff, and that’s a slice of heaven

  16. citylove

    Don’t say shit about Orlando Bloom, you asshole ! He’s a better man than you for sure. No needs of equation when we look a little about your blog. you have the biggest vagina of all idiot

    • MrsWrong

      I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure you are the guy in rags I saw either talking to himself or trying to lick Big Mac(?) sauce off his own ear at the bus stop this afternoon…

  17. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    woah, this chick has negative ass

  18. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    Starting to look like the Mom of the bunch. Time to retire her…maybe be a judge on America’s Top Model or something.

  19. Jake

    I’d love to play match game with this picture. Show close up of each model’s naked, shaved vag, and match the it up with the correct girl. I have a feeling I could go 5 for 5….

  20. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    Now if only they could fix the Down’s Syndrome face of her’s…

  21. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey! My eyes are down HERE, okay?!”

  22. NTT

    The way life should be.

    • Keith

      Agreed. Just think how much better the world would be in there were no overweight women. 10,000x better, at least.

  23. Love it! It’s like the a how-to photo shoot. How do you stay skinny like us? Exercise. I can’t wait for the sequel, where they show use how not to eat. Maybe they can make it a riff on that famous Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving painting. Have them all around this beautiful table, only while everyone else has some turkey and gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, yams with melted marshmallows on top and canned cranberry sauce, the Victoria’s Secret girls each have only a single sprig of parsley on their plates. And they’re like the happiest people there.

  24. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at these babies, NOT at the C section scar, alright?

  25. Keith

    Those are five worthy receptacles for my semen.

  26. Venom

    Sigh, I remember when we used to have real truly hot supermodels.

    Look no further than George Michael’s Freedom video.

    These chicks are just average slags now.

  27. Fundamentals of roughing

    Hey girls? The supermodels I mean (why wouldn’t they read this website, what else do they have to do all day?). I happen to own stocks in Formula One Racing Team.

  28. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    Allesandra is by far the most beautiful one out of all these chicks. where’s adriana lima??????? she was pretty too. all the other girls would get lost in a crowd…but not Allesandra!!!

  29. cc

    Look at pic 2…is their a real anatomical term for the diamond shape formed by the inside of healthy woman’s thighs and her vagina (when seen from the front or back)? And by anatomical I mean other than ‘the magical penis attractor’.

  30. Kyle

    The only people that find these women attractive and think they are healthy are gay, women that are not very physically feminine and men who are in the closet.

    These women are underweight and do not have very feminine bodies. Women like Christina Hendricks are so rare to see in Hollywood because the gay dominated fashion industry has taken over and turned mainstream media into a daily tranny parade.

  31. Kyle

    McFeely Smackup,
    The only porn you look at is tranny porn. The fact you think these women are hot and healthy shows that you are not a 100% straight man.

    These women are NOT healthy. They are underweight and need to be for their job in the fashion industry. That is a fact to anyone who doesn’t let TV and magazines do the thinking for them.

    It’s actually funny reading all these posts talking about these Victoria Secret Models as if they are the best kind of women out there. It’s like watching a gathering of a bunch of men who are in the closet or a bunch of scrawny, flat chested and flat assed women showering praise to these tranny-like models because it makes themselves feel better.

    • TomFrank

      I was going to say that this post would make more sense had you bothered to hit the Reply button under McFeely’s comment, but then I read McFeely’s comment and realized that this post makes no sense at all.

      • Kyle

        I did hit the reply button to McFeely’s comment but this website didn’t place the comment below his. Not my fault.

        And my post does make sense. I’m not some fashion industry fanatic that looks at underweight women and naively thinks they are healthy when they are not and that they look feminine when they clearly don’t.

        Children such as yourself shouldn’t be on the computer so late at night.

    • Dear Fat Girl -er- I mean Kyle,
      Thank you for the scolding.

  32. the captain

    hopefully these women aren’t as lazy as entire hollywood, folks!!

  33. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Felix the Cat
    Commented on this photo:

    Alessandra: “Let’s all pretend to be friends who work out together before we retreat into the powder room so I can point out the flaws on each of your imperfect bodies! CHEESE!”

  34. Eddie

    Candice Swanepoel = Best Angel

    She’s just perfect! Too skinny?? No, too hot!!

  35. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    “You know what has two tits and…points to…um…how does that thing go again?”

  36. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    “Can you hurry it up? Alessandra needs to go to the bathroom.”

  37. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    She has that thing wrapped around her index finger to remind her to eat today.

  38. zyzz

    pay attention fatties, this is what real women look like.

    • Kyle

      If you really think these models who are underweight and very physically masculine are “real women” then you as a man need to do you yourself a favor and come out the closet. It’s only going to hurt more and more as life goes on.

      Totally straight men such as me do not find these underweight, tranny looking creatures attractive in the slightest.

      Besides, it’s ironic seeing as how gay men run the fashion industry. So why do you need to hide being gay?

  39. Tifa

    Every time there’s something about Victoria’s Secret on this site men come and say stupid shit like “Pay attention ladies blah blah blah” I … don’t get this shit. When I walk down the street I sure as fuck don’t see Brad Pitts everywhere so what’s your guys excuse? How about you guys step up your game or lower your standards to the appropriate levels. If you’re a 4 don’t whine and bitch for all women to be 9s or 10s. I never see such delusion as when fat and/or unattractive slobs (I’m sure some of you are average at best) are critiquing women as if any of them would even be caught dead fucking them. I seriously hope you guys don’t let this way of thinking actually spill over to your real lives otherwise you’ll just be a really lonely douchebag who goes on the Internet commenting on models pictures talking about how a woman needs to look like that or you wouldn’t touch it. Wait…

    • fatmoocow

      lol… I totally agree with you … My theory from what I have seen of people in general be they male or female is that its the ones that are insecure about themselves are the ones that feel the need to be overly critical/judgemental of others… To try to deal with their feelings insecurity and lack of worth they try to make themselves feel better by trying to bring down others by finding all sorts of faults with others be they real or imagined and just focusing on these and then constantly berate and criticise … This is also known as levelling… Another factor which I think comes into play for insecure people that tend to be critical of other is the fear of rejection… So in order to protect themselves from any rejection and to help keep their egos unharmed they will tend to be once again overly critical of others and reject them before there can be any chance of them being rejected…

      Personally I think anyone who is secure enough in themselves doesn’t really feel the need to be overly critical of others and can accept that no one is perfect and we all have our faults…

      but still its funny to read the comments here :P lol

    • Kyle

      I feel sorry for you. You are a girl who thinks these women are the epitome of female beauty. They are not.

      The only men who are genuinely attracted to women like this are are gays and bisexuals. These models are underweight and they are not healthy. Plus, they are very masculine. Very little to no hips, tall, flat backsides, broad shoulders, manish/boyish faces, etc… all very masculine features.

      There is nothing that totally straight men would go for unless they are desperate to be accepted into elitist circles since the fashion industry (which is run by gay men) has taken over the mainstream media and pushed its agenda of underweight and non-feminine to the forefront and many have sadly followed.

      Understand these women are not attractive to totally straight men. Also educate yourself from credible sources (meaning actual doctors not crap magazines or TV BS) what healthy is on a woman. It is not these women at all.

    • Elisha

      Well said, Tifa. I am more than happy to point out celebs who are drop dead gorgeous, but it bugs me when I see comments from guys saying “This is what all women should look like! Everyone except Angels are ugly”. But if there is a post of a topless Chris Pine for example, no one says a damn thing. Why is it that every woman must have the body of Megan Fox, but every guy I see on the street is unattractive?

  40. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    DKNY. you sir, are a fucking douche bag.

  41. Kyle

    You would do good to read the reply I left for Tifa.

    Megan Fox is also an example of an underweight women. Most straight men don’t go for underweight women.

  42. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    yuck, she looks like she’s 3 years old, let’s be real.

  43. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hi creepy guy on the internet who is probably masturbating to my photo as we speak!”

  44. Raymond's Sister

    Under wieght may look good in clothes, but all those bones don’t look good naked and bouncing on you. Not that I’m looking for Henrietta Hippo mind you, I’m just saying a little cushion from protruding hip bones and ribs is preferred.

  45. stpnlll

    Women should look like this.

  46. Victorias Secret Angels Spandex Soul Cycle
    Taster's Choice
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d love to taste every one of these women!

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