Victoria Beckham uses protection

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Victoria Beckham posed outside the Louvre in Paris wearing what appear to be shoulder pads and a hoochie outfit complete with hard nips. And when I say shoulder pads, I don’t mean like the shoulder inserts from the 80’s, I mean like the ones they use in the NFL. My penis and I are confused. Is she making a statement that says she’s into hard lovin’ but is responsible and wears proper safety gear? Or did I miss some sort of weird, slutty European football game? I don’t know whether to be turned on or throw a tailgate party. I got it! I’ll make some nachos and hire a stripper. Wow, I’m like MacGyver!