Victoria Beckham is Useless Spice

Victoria_Vuitton.jpgVictoria Beckham has topped a viewer poll conducted by the television program, The Death of Celebrity, when it asked the question, Who are the UK’s top ten most pointless celebrities? The former Posh Spice (“posh” being British slang for “sits around and squeezes her breasts together in music videos but does suspiciously little singing”), effectively dragged her hubby, David Beckham, down with her to the number two spot.

Go ahead and laugh at her, you snooty Englishmen. Laugh all you want! Because, as this picture clearly shows, Victoria’s got some plans. Big plans. That leathery hide of hers is obviously a move to land a prestigious spokeswoman position that’ll launch her back into legitimate stardom. No, she won’t be the new face of Nat’s Salted Cured Meats. Even better! She’ll soon re-emerge to the awe and admiration of all as the new face of Louis Vuitton. Literally, she’ll have the LV pattern tattooed on her greasy bronzed skin and be lauded as the greatest, most beautiful, and so-not-pointless star and fashion icon of our time! Then the world’s most powerful women shall walk around with the year’s must-have accessory, Victoria Beckham, under their arms. And they shall put their keys and day planners in her mouth, and will attest to how Purse Spice has so greatly enhanced their lives.

Then who’ll have egg on their face? Not Victoria. No, sir. She’ll have 150 years of style and sophistication on hers.