Victoria Beckham has very hard nipples

April 30th, 2007 // 76 Comments

Victoria Beckham was spotted in LAX wearing the most see-through shirt possible. She was wearing a bra underneath, but that would only matter if her breasts weren’t the hardest substance on earth. I read in a science journal once that if you take her nipple and rub it against diamond, the diamond gets scratched. Although it was less of a science journal, and more of a post-it note with “Victoria Beckham’s nipples > diamond” scribbled on it. By me. With crayon. So really, even more scientific than a science journal.

Most of these are slightly NSFW.

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  1. daguz


  2. JoBOO



  3. She is a bit of a poser, isn’t she?

  4. Nsomniac

    I love the bottom right picture. The nip on the right is pointing up and right, and is 3 inches from center. It’s like a lazy eye, only it probably doesn’t move. Ever. Because when you’re packed inside a balloon and have an extra 10 lbs of saline pressed against you, you’re staying put.

  5. YoungOne

    mmmmm….I don’t care, they’re fun to look at. The cop thinks so too.

  6. drew51

    she could poke someones eye out!!!

    Notice the cop in pic #7 enjoying the view. He seems to be happy that he is close to the twins.

  7. benbadman

    I’d lick and suck the hell out of those diamond cutters, whilst motorboating.

    Don’t lie, you’d love to do the same, even the ladies.

  8. J-Unit

    Err, a message to the Frist-er: you’re a loser.

    PS. These photos are exactly why I prefer the apparently “saggy” boobs of Ms Spears & Ms Simpson.

  9. Fishstick

    shes my least favorite spice girl.

  10. I have a very hard dick.

  11. shanonorato

    i hate this bitch

  12. Fishstick

    I bet she smells like spice farts.

  13. DrPhowstus

    Is anyone in the entire fucking world prouder of their bad boob job than this oinky little pig nose?

  14. TaiTai

    Why is she traveling with Rosie O’Donnell? I am so confused.

  15. DrPhowstus

    Is it normal to have nips the same color as your flesh? I thought only Barbie did that.

  16. Binky

    Judging from her hat the Village People may be reforming. And judging from her purse she’s picked up a part-time job transporting organs. Good on her. Very altruistic.

  17. Negatrice

    Dr Phowstus, you’ve got it all wrong. She’s sporting a Wondernip.

  18. Negatrice

    And speaking of motorboating, she looks more adequate for a Cleveland Steamer.

  19. Jimbo ?

    It is always nice to start the morning off with some perky nipples. Her face my suck and that hat sure helps to cover that mug. But then again, who is looking at her face

  20. meee

    uh isnt a bra, other than for support, supposed to sort of be a barrier so shit like that doesnt happen?

  21. Donkey

    She isn’t going to become OLD SPICE gracefully.

  22. StudsyMcSex

    Good God,this is so wrong. All the parts are there– big tits, nipples, see through shirt.
    Why oh why is my dick frightened and sobbing uncontrollably?
    Oh yeah, it’s scared of grown women so thin they could pass for ten year old boy bodies. And the body topped up with the angrily overinflated implants ready to pop only makes my willy cry harder. FFS, ever seen how the skin on an overcooked hot dog looks ready to burst when it comes out of a microwave?

  23. Sir Mister Guy Man Dude

    I feel jipped!!!! I thought I was gonna see some boobage, but she’s wearing a bra!!! Well, not like it would have been anything good anyway, but it was the principle of it. Jipped!!! I say!!!

  24. Stickman

    She’s so unsexy it makes me cry blood, but I must admit I’d love to spend an hour with those things just to see how hard you can punch them without breaking your hand or something.

    Why’s she bothering carrying that box like some kind of chump? Just hang it over your tit-rivets you daft cow!

  25. fergernauster

    Aside from her bank account, I feel only sympathy for this diminutive mouth-breather.

    Those hardened zoobies must really hurt when accidentally rolled on in bed at night (and we all know she sleeps alone, don’t we? Because hubby is with nanny, making her squeal like a suckling piglet torn from its mama’s teat.)

  26. Ruby

    Somehow I can’t see Beckham having fun with those in bed. “Ouch, ow FUCK! Ouch!”

  27. edamame

    Who picks out her wardrobe? The Village People?

  28. edamame

    I think Hillary Clinton would get more votes if she had a rack like this.

  29. fergernauster

    I’ll bet you $1.0K that her breath stinks, too. Ketosis and perpetual mouth-breathing would inevitably lend to that outcome.

  30. schack

    lets hope beckham doesn’t confuse them for soccer balls when his alzheimers gets worse

  31. fergernauster

    … Her feet and crotch reek, too.

  32. TexasTranny

    I love the outfit, wish i had breasts like that. I’d let her do me with a strap-on. Yummy.

  33. #2….ahem…
    #24…do you enjoy vomit in the morning?
    #33…she would hurt you

    Ok, so, so far this morning I’ve had to go from one extreme to the next-fat cow, skinny pig. Where is the in-between???


  34. TexasTranny

    #34….I know she would hurt me, but I can’t help it, I love it.

  35. ImaCracka

    I bet she likes it in the pooper!!!!

  36. teetee

    She is so sketetal that even her nipples have bones that stick out.

  37. fergernauster

    Actually, teetee, I believe she has gained weight. Look at those gelatinous thighs.

  38. Jimbo ?

    FRIST – Britney is next!!!

    Ruby – I disagree

  39. fergernauster

    … Mmmmm. All the better to wrap around Akon’s neck as they do the nasty puppet dance.


    If she had nonzero bodyfat they might have had a chance at looking real, but as it is they’re like a couple marbles hotglued to a posicle stick, and where’s the fun in that?

  41. schack

    she always looks like a train conductor

  42. schack

    a train conducter with oranges stuffed under her chest…

  43. PunjabPete

    At least the doctor centered the nipples right… Those are the first pictures of her implants I have seen that I actually like…

    Oh, nice hat… “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA…”

  44. FRIST!!!

    Hey Jimbo, schack, fishstick….say it with me….MONDAYS SUCK ASS!!!

    Schack-I know, huh? Choo choo!!!!!

  45. FRIST!!!

    I have WAYYYY cuter hats than her!!! they look better on me too..heehee.
    She needs one that covers her pignose. Like one of those funeral hats with the face veil.

  46. Jimbo ?

    FRIST – Did you see the next post?? It is Britney.


  47. chaunceygardner

    I’d rather nail the fat black lady walking behind her. She looks like she’d be able to cook you a meal after sex. I’m not sure Dogface Beckham has ever actually SEEN a meal.

  48. woodhorse

    #16 Binky – LOL – others are copying your funny remarks. Janet Jackson is so jealous of PigSpice right now. Oh wait! No, Janet likes to pretend she was helpless against the nipple slip….nevermind.

  49. jrzmommy♠

    She looks a lot like…well, a fag.

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