Victoria Beckham has hard nipples

July 27th, 2007 // 215 Comments

It sort of defeats the purpose of a bra when your nipples are made from solid diamond. No, wait, not diamond. The stuff they use to cut diamond. And it’s probably not good for Queen Latifah’s self esteem to be running into Victoria Beckham. It’d be like Lindsay Lohan running into Stephen Hawking. Or a NASA scientist. Or a cat pawing at a ball of yarn.


  1. Bite Me!

    @48 I am guessing she just lays there and stares are that ceiling

  2. Is it just me or does someone need some Proactiv on that forehead? Who knew extensions caused such bad acne…?

  3. Wonky

    As much as I like firm little titties, I’d be more than happy to play with these big, albeit fake, titties. In addition to firm titties, I like poky little nipples and I”ve always been clear on this subject.

  4. lapet

    The hair on your back only runs halfway down? Does that mean the hair on your ass only runs halfway up?

  5. LL

    OK, Latifah’s not looking her best, but I’d still take her over the stick (she’d have to lose the cornrows first, though). VC looks like the queen of some alien race of insects or something. Yuck. And one of her nips looks like it’s trying to make a run for her armpit. That’s not pretty. Maybe Beckham has some godawful fetish, like he wants to be diapered or something. That’s my theory, anyway. Either that or it’s just true love.

  6. lapet

    That was for #28 by the way.

  7. Aubree

    Umpa Lumpa dippity dee
    I think she looks like an orange piggy

    I think it’s funny that they drive those Escalades around, clearly she also owns a flying saucer.

    I really like that tank top though!


  8. *56* No… younger girlz like to keep zhaved
    if U muzt know…

  9. Amy

    #33: I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that noticed the lame similarities between this and an old article. At least come up with a new comparison guys.

  10. Bite Me!

    @58 Kelli, When are you going to give us a link to a picture of you?

  11. lapet

    #58. Good job shaving your ass AND back. I didn’t know people with Down’s Syndrome were of such steady hand.

  12. J

    You use DIAMONDS to cut DIAMONDS. Idiot.

  13. i’d let her cut my face with those.

  14. Aubree


    Yes! Yes! waaaa haaa haaaa (evil laugh, rubbing my hands together)

  15. lapet

    Everybody thinks Kelli is a cutter, but it’s only from shaving that baboon body of hers.

  16. Gwen

    Uh, Skeletor called, he wants his rotting corpse back.

    Holy shit. Someone please, PLEASE, make her eat. Something. I don’t care what. As long as it contains calories.

  17. *60* Bite Me……When hell freezez over…..

    One day you’ll zee me on Americaz Top Model…..U know I
    could win that thing if I went on it…no zhit….and in my
    family…lookz come better & better az we age…lucky me…

  18. Aubree

    Queen Latifah looks pained, it’s hilarious.

    bubble that should be coming out of Latifah’s head:

    “I could eat this pork chop for dinner and her little soccer playin hubby too”

    bubble out of Victoria’s head:

    “an image of a turkey”

    too bad it’s only a dream….I think there’s a lettuce leaf calling her name….hear that? yes….

  19. KW

    Is there one picture out there where this starving lady is smiling? She is never ever smiling. Life is so tough for her.

  20. Jennifer

    If you really think this anorexic fake pimpled thing is sexy, then…well, I suppose you’re in luck, now that I think about it. Since it’s Friday night, instead of hassling the singles scene you can just head to Walmart and rub your dick against the Barbie doll display. It’s pretty much the same thing as banging Vic the Stick.

  21. Ooba Gooba

    Does this woman honestly think she’s attractive? Damn…….she is beyond ugly.

  22. jrzmommy

    #67 – actually we’re all hoping you’ll be the first accidental death on next season’s “Zurvivor.”

  23. Victor

    Nice RACK and that is all. Ass is too fuckin small, and uglier than fuck. She is getting OLD LADY skin. Skinny, gross, everywhere else, just tits that I wouldn’t mind shooting my man juice on.

  24. adeliza

    The back of her hair looks like a goddang weed eater got ahold of it, or some fucking Edward Scisor Hands tried to give her a shag cut.

  25. Alayney

    Would any of you men REALLY want to have sex with that? Looks painful!

  26. Really jrzmommy? U really wanna Playhate me?
    Whatever….I could win Zurvivor with my eyez
    fuckin clozed..all I need iz a ztring bikini
    and a few dickbrainz fuckerz.

  27. Bite Me!

    @67 Kelli, Why? If you are so hot, show us what you look like!

  28. holy god did they lock her in a glass case she needed to escape from?

    P.S. Diamonds are cut with a laser or a saw with carbon and diamond dust or you can “Brute” diamonds where they use 2 diamonds spinning in opposite directions to cut one another ;)

    Yes, I am Bill Nye

  29. twin peaks

    Kelli, I’m sitting here laughing so hard I’m crying. You could win America’s top model? And yet you are……hmmmmm…..posting on the Superfish all day, taking great care to change all your S’s to Z’s. Wow.

    You must be just so humble, you don’t want to get on the show and make everyone else look bad.

  30. I am never on here all day….check my poztz….U people R
    Zo U think I am,,,,,the only reazon I come here iz becoz
    U people know how to hate…and lazt year…I learn real
    hard how to hate…zo…I releaze my hate on U guyz…zorry…..

    U don’t know how bad I want to zhow my picz…my mom
    thinkz you’ll come to Fla. and kill me or kidnap me..
    fuck..itz not my fault…zhit…I would in a minue
    it took her till I waz 16 to get a freakin myzpace.

  31. minnimeme

    Kelli, is your keyboard missing an “S” key? Check your local thrift store for a replacement. Heck, just swipe one.

  32. DishwaterBrunette

    Victoria: “…and see, when I shift my weight to my RIGHT hip, my nipples even ROTATE!!!”

    Queen Latifah: “OMG! I can do that too! And we’re both wearing grey. We are SO twins!!!!!”

  33. twin peaks

    #80 — how old are you that your mom is keeping you from posting your pic?

  34. jawzxy

    I think our new favorite American celebrity won’t be American at all…

  35. minnimeme

    @83 – she’s “this many” (holds up fingers and toes and tries to count)

  36. I’m 18…but I ztill live with her…and zince theirz zo many
    pervz at the beach…zhez afraid…coz zome guy chazed
    uz into our car once trying to get uz….and I can truzt
    U people…U fuckerz hate my azz…zhit..I’d be dead
    probably the zame day the picz got out…….????

  37. Bite Me!

    HEY!!!! You have mail. See you later I am out of here!!!!!!! It is beer:30

  38. WayOuttaTune

    It is so unreal how different this girl looks from when she was a spice girl. It isn’t the same person. She is not an older version of herself with spice. She is completely different. Michael Jackson should find out who Victoria’s plastic surgeon is and get some. It is so scary what doctors can do.

  39. kuulann

    Those babies look to be 100% grade a plastic. never could understand why anyone could get excited about plastic. Just buy a blow up doll if thats what does it for you.

  40. twin peaks

    Kelli — we don’t hate anyone on this site — we’re all good, lovely people…


  41. heidi

    you have nothing to worry about. nobody here will kill you unless you’re ugly.

  42. allk


  43. Ok, I’m writing you back right now!!!!

  44. Zo….what cha R zayin…iz that I’m zafe….iz that Y Prettybaby
    called my mom in the middle of the nite…when I
    waz fighting with her? Don’t know how the
    bitch got my #..but I know it waz her…
    and it waz like: 3:30 a.m.

  45. I really don’t want u guys having
    zex with my picz…and truzt me …U would….

    maybe gay4girlz…or Bill Clinton….!!

    anyway…going for a late zwim before dark
    don’t wanna get zhark bit…late**********

  46. heidi

    you should be pleaZed for people to have sex with your pics. it’s probably the closest you’ll get to losing your virginity.

  47. name

    what kind of camera was used for victoria-beckham-shopping-nipples-09.jpg?

  48. JrsyGrl

    Why would that hurt Queen Latifah’s self esteem? Do you seriously think she wants to look like Victoria Beckham? I can’t imagine anyone wanting to look like an alien freak. The Queen is gorgeous.

  49. woodhorse

    She’s from the Isle of Dr. Moreaux – she made a break for it when Marlon Brando died.

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