Victoria Beckham pulls an Angelina Jolie

July 9th, 2007 // 49 Comments
victoria-beckham-sign.jpg

Victoria Beckham’s reps forced reporters last week to sign contracts before interviewing her which stipulated that all interviews would be used for the “sole purpose of publicizing Victoria Beckham: Coming to America.” Last month Angelina Jolie got into some trouble when she pulled the same stunt. The only difference here is that Angelina Jolie is actually famous while Victoria Beckham is, well, I’m still not entirely convinced she’s even human. I’ve built women out of piles of garbage that look more natural than her. I mean, wait, no I haven’t. That would be creepy.

superficial

  1. rach

    Second?

  2. dizzo

    first!

  3. SMEE!

    You were first!”#

  4. Mr. Black

    Okay, am I the only one who thinks this chick is fucking disgusting? I think I’ll have to pass on this skinny British shit eating clown.

  5. I certainly do not find her disgusting. Arousing. Not disgusting. But everybody’s penis tells them different things …

    p.s. BERN’S BOOB SHOT IS UP, ALONG WITH LINKS TO ALL PAST BOOBS SHOTS, SINCE THE FORMAT CHANGE — CLICK THE LINK ABOVE AND FOLLOW THE LINKS IN THE POST PICTURING TWO DUDES IS MASSIVE CLOGS.

  6. James

    @4 I agree with you.. And why would any of these stupid asshole reports sign the contract?

  7. Hill

    Seriously, she reminds me of an albino umpalumpa… what a freak-show.

  8. jrzmommy

    Item 2 of the contract states that no one is allowed to actually speak to her during the interview.

  9. meee

    yeah #4, you’re definitely correct.

    i hate her sick little pig-nose, her unnaturally fake boobs & skeletal boy-frame.

    she’s seriously one of the few celebrities who actually fucking disgusts me. her & the olsen twins.

  10. Guy

    Husband should just leave her, he is actually handsome.

  11. flavio

    she does look like a mantis, and is totally unattractive as far as i’m concerned, but to be fair, she is more famous than most people in the world. she’s way overly well-known just about everywhere but in america, because no one cares about soccer here.

  12. rosie's mustach

    Um are you sure Victoria and Angelina aren’t the same person.

    Same freedom of speech censoring bullshit.

    Same annorexic body.

    Same out of their league hotter than them blond haired manslave.

    Same vomitous upchuck reflex when I see them.

    I have never “Victoria” and “Angelina” together and therefore will assume that they are the same person in disguise.

  13. Sickoooo

    Even though she looks like a pig fetus, i still want to do things to her…i need help…bad!

  14. Mick

    I think she has alot of unreal parts but that she’s still cute.

  15. Tim

    Isn’t she that sexless android who’s married to that closeted gay who’s really good at handling balls that are flying at his head?

  16. A'hem Royd

    “I certainly do not find her disgusting. Arousing. Not disgusting.”

    Bern, every single boob on your web site is crying over that comment (ok, maybe lactating bitterly). Mrs. Fagboy has the worst bolt-on rocks in the history of plastic surgery. They’re much more likely to give you a head injury than a hardon.

  17. #16 – Can’t explain it, man. I dig her. She kind of frightens and arouses me at the same time. My penis would probably actually hide if faced with her, but what can I tell you?

    Anyway, I’m sorry to have shamed my site’s boobs … I have broken an eternal promise I made to them as a child … if I only I can someday repay them …

  18. chimpy

    This skank’s garbage with money.

  19. BlohansDeviatedSeptum

    Oh I might fuck her, but on the way out I’m pluging her toilet

  20. ph7

    There is no doubt she is a collosal pain in the ass.

  21. This is one U-G-L-Y bitch…she’s like a f@cking wart…hard to get rid of…she is the true SCARY Spice.

    http://www.spamfreeforums.com/cootercleavage/

  22. free lily

    i don’t know if it’s just this pic but doesn’t her head look huge in proportion to the rest of her body? i guess that’s where the “mantis” comments come from?

    is there a picture out there in which she is actually smiling?

  23. KP

    WTF is going on with her hair?!? Her hairline looks like it starts on the crown of her head, leaving her with a MEGA FOREHEAD!!

    She looks just like one of those long-haired guinea pigs.

  24. noangel

    She’s disgusting. I hope he her husband is a closeted gay guy (but since they’re English we’ll never really know, right?).

    Her face would crack open and fall off if she actually smiled. We can always hope.

  25. miss oblivious

    She’s so nasty and fake. I can’t believe they’re gonna do a show on her life. Why, why, why?! Does anyone really care? I hope it fails miserably and goes off the air immediately. Now “Scott Baio is 45 and single”, on the other hand…it sounds so pathetic and lame…and yet interestink!

  26. she’s doing us a favor! the less we have to know, the better off we are

  27. lambman

    Um, why would anybody want to interview her at all? About the show or anything?

    #11 – Mantis = spot on!

  28. Victoria is like the ugly girl that sat in the back of the room at school, according to Peter Pan. I wouldn’t know, because I grew up in the forest with my horse and family.

  29. wedgeone

    “Victoria Beckham: Coming to America.”?? Wasn’t Coming to America a movie by Eddie Murphy, who now has to pay Scary Spice 18 years of child support.
    Let’s hope that Eddie sues Posh for infringement, and makes her pay her cut of the gross directly over to Scary.
    Now THAT irony would be funnier than hell.

  30. Cam Jansen

    Someone needs to send her off to the forest to snorf for truffles for Catherine Zeta-Jones’ shampoo with that snout of hers.

  31. leelee

    oh it’s hilarious when people become famous for not really being famous and just believing that they are…

    PS Vikki B. is an alien.

  32. Kamihi

    Oh I hate this bitch – FO Victoria, can’t some American psycho killer stalk her and kill her – PLEASE.

  33. Jeffry Dahmer

    Oh sure, you like me now…

  34. Tommy Lee

    Her glasses are huge, like Mandy Moore’s thighs.

  35. IHateAngelinaAndVictoria

    @11 and 12 – I think these two creatures are one and the same. Angelina/Victoria is a mantis. Not only in looks, but in characteristics. Don’t they kill off their mates?

  36. mmh

    ok so here in europe victoria beckham isn’t a nobody. and i really do hope that hollywood doesn’t ruin her and david’s marriage.

  37. MeatSack

    She’s tired… It’s Spice Girl reunion shit that has gotten to her head.

  38. thiz bitch iz the
    weirdezt thing I
    ever zaw..zhe lookz
    like death with fake
    blonde hair and I
    zee herpez on her lipz…

  39. Hollywood Agent

    No talent piece of trash. Send her back across the pond ASAP. She looks like she has fleas.

    I bet her accent is fake too. How can she be English. She looks Filipino to me.

  40. kellis mom

    I for one can’t wait until the mantis and her sad little band get on the road, there is gonna be a shit storm. What I really want to see is a full on psycho punch on, on stage. The series they are making will be the most funny reality show ever, if it gets off the ground. This ego maniac with her obvious lack of talent will explode into flames I hope.

  41. chimpy

    Jackass nose this skank has on her.

  42. lucky7

    THAT’S RIGHT, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT SOCCER IN AMERICA.

    SOCCER IS FOR FUCKING SISSY GIRLS WHO PLAY WITH DOLLS AND DRINK TEA AND SHIT. FUCK THAT!!!!

    (GOES DOWN TO SOCCER FIELD AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF A SOCCER DOUCHEBAG)

  43. Britney'sHotButteredRolls

    I could build a woman out of a couple of 2×4′s, spare lawn mower parts and a wig I got from the Goodwill that would look more natural than her.

    Just thought I’d put that out there.

  44. Paris' godly spirit

    I idsagree, the natural beauty “Posh Spice,” (why do we herald her this name when she has no blud blood in her whatsoever, i mean, good god have you heard her speak???) holds is astounding, she obviously doesnt use an ounce of cosmetic aid, and why shouold she? Her husband is equally humble and not in the least bit hetrosexual (again, have you heard him speak?)

  45. el ces

    I could’ve swore it said ‘Vicky pulls out of Angelina Jolie’

    I was like ‘WTF is going on in L.A. these days?’

  46. emily

    How can you say victoria beckham isn’t even famous? if you American’s ever stuck your heads out of your own all-consuming, country you’d realize she’s far better known. America, there is a whole world out there. take a note sometime

  47. Christ on a Crotch

    Altho Mr. Becks is very good at what he does, one has to wonder how much brains or taste he has to be with and have three kids with this…how should I put it…awful, ugly, marmoset. He’s probably a big dumb jock.

    Can you picture her in 10 years. Even Susan Lucci looks better than that Splosh Spice.

  48. LF

    I love this woman. She has a beautiful man, beautiful children, and now she’s in our country. Finally, some eye candy with a nice accent.

  49. Me

    Let me introduce her again – she’s SOUR SPICE!

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