Vanilla Ice Is A Criminal Mastermind

Thanks to the Internet’s inability to not completely lose its shit over anything 90s-related – Mmm, Kelly Kapowski… – Vanilla Ice’s burglary arrest is still the biggest news story of the moment. And rightfully so because clearly Ice is the Lex Luthor of our generation. Word to your moth- *punches self in face* TMZ reports:

According to the arrest report … Ice lied to cops about owning the vacant Lake Worth, FL house where his “Vanilla Ice Project” TV crew allegedly made off with the pilfered items — but he claims he thought some of the stuff was fair game because it was on the curb.
But that doesn’t jibe with his foreman who says Ice also instructed the production crew to go inside the house … and target specific items like a pool heater, valued at $3000. The foreman says Ice also lied to him about owning the place.

Lying to your foreman is one thing because what’s the guy going to do? Say, “Hold on, let me drive down to the courthouse first.” But the cops? How the fuck did he think that would play out?

“So let me get this straight, Mr… Van Winkle, is it? You’re the rightful owner of the property?”
“That’s correct, sir.”
“Welp, I’m not going to take two seconds to easily verify that. You’re free to go.”
“Yes!”
“Wait a minute, aren’t you some kind of rapper? That’s black people music. *draws gun* We don’t allow that in Florida.”
“Aw, shit…”
“I’m afraid for my life!” *BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*

Photos: Splash News

Tags: Vanilla Ice