Vanessa Paradis Really Hates Johnny Depp

January 24th, 2012 // 118 Comments

Adding… AHHH!

Seen here at last night’s premiere of her new movie, Croissants: The Musical Cafe De Flore, Vanessa Paradis at some point clearly laughed in Johnny Depp‘s face when he suggested they stay together because they’re “soulmates” which is really the only way to interpret this quote. Via RadarOnline:

“Cafe De Flore speaks of love, its joys, its pains and its dramas – to love and to lose. This story upset me, I was upside-down, in the depths of myself,” said Paradis, who is staying in France while Depp is living thousands of miles away in Los Angeles.
“The idea of a soulmate is beautiful and very romantic to talk about it in a movie or a song, but in reality I find it scary.”

To hear this kind of a candor from a woman is pretty refreshing considering movies and television have conditioned them to believe relationships are a whimsical, fancy-free time filled with Adele songs and sex with your bra still on. When in reality, they’re a goddamn prison of emotions where sometimes Johnny Depp does heroin and agrees to looking like Michael Jackson or Gerard Way or whatever the hell’s giving Tim Burton an erection these days. But, noooo, they don’t show that in the movies.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Richard McBeef

    lets just say that capt sparrow and ms swan had kids and that kid was a girl and she was 46 years old. she’s up there. in that picture.

  2. V

    Yeah but at the same time these Hollywood people are all emotionally retarded and think they’re better than anybody, which shows why they fall in and out of love so easily, and never really try to stay together.

    her argument is invalid. she should be lucky anyone paid attention to her. you can fit a giant clit between that tooth gap. gross.

    • Tiffany

      What? It isn’t just “hollywood people” that have issues with staying together. 50% of ALL marriages end in divorce.

    • I know, right, what’s up with that damn canyon between her incisors?

      How’s that free French healthcare working for ya, honey? What, couldn’t spring a couple grand on some braces?


        Cash, that was retarded.

        What does socialized medicine have to do with any of this? Considering she’s worth millions upon millions, she doesn’t need to use the social system, nor is she even entitled to use it.

        Therefore yes, if she wanted to, she could easily spring a couple grand on dental work (it would definitely take more than braces to fix that). But apparently she just couldn’t give a shit, so shut the fuck up you ignorant hillbilly.

      • individual

        You’re sticking up for socialized medicine? “BLAH BLAH BLAH” indeed.

      • LPG

        Maybe French healthcare is not that free after all! Or at least not as free as USA want to make its people to believe (and apparently it works for some ;-)) -anyway having your teeth appart is esthetism nothing to do with health- and if here in USA you have an easy time to fix up everything that is not “perfect” French have a tendency to be more natural – as you can see she does not have breast implant neither and her face is still the imperfect one she had when she started….

  3. Soooooooo anyone else notice she looks eerily like him when he’s in drag?

  4. Star Droppings

    She looks like a bad attempt at Madonna they found in the dumpster behind Madame Tussauds.

  5. Nice chiclet teeth, stringy hair, and a mouthful of thrush.

  6. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Carl T
    Commented on this photo: that Paradis? I think Depp could afford a set of braces.

  7. Dude of Dudes

    Dont be sad Johnny. There are literally thousands of trailer parks across America swarming with gap toothed skanks. You’ll find your soul mate again. I promise. Just as soon as Daddy gets off her.

  8. Who’s her orthodontist, MC Escher?

  9. You know, Johnny once said in an interview that the first time he saw Vanessa was from behind, and that he was very attracted to the line of her back. And now we know why he spoke so fondly of her back! Yeesh. Must have been lots of doggy-style going on in their bedroom.

  10. Wow. She did not age well.

  11. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like the Mad Hatter Depp layed in Alice in Wonderland

  12. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    So Johnny Depp is living in LA now? I guess his “I hate America” scruples only lasted as long as his marriage.

  13. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    And they said Michael Strahan didn’t have a doppleganger.

  14. boing

    rachel bilson has really let herself go…

  15. Mando

    But I am le tired.

  16. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    Ah, good. Finally found a spot to park my bus.

  17. French people need to understand that getting braces is not surrendering.

  18. The Royal Penis

    I wonder, if someone spills water on her will she melt?

  19. Da Cheese

    Further reports claim Ms. Paradish showed her hatred towards Johnny Deep by dating a man who bathes regularly.

  20. OK

    Her face is hideous. Those teeth are unspeakable. Her ass is sublime though.

  21. Evil Dick Tater

    Don’t worry Johnny. If you must have a woman who can fit your penis between her teeth there’s still Condi Rice.

  22. Cock Dr

    I’m going to assume that Vanessa here has an overwhelming fear of dentists……she has money to fix that and it has gone far beyond a “cute and distinctive” smile characteristic into gargoyle territory.

  23. Damion

    Taylor Momsen really hasn’t aged all that well

  24. Frenchfries

    Too bad for you, jealous bitches, Vanessa just revealed on French TV that they didn’t break up ! And she is so hotter than all of you. SUCK IT.

    • Awww geez! You mean she’s not back on the market??? Because I’m sure there were about 3 guys lined up, waiting to be with her, who were pretty sure they wouldn’t turn to stone should they look directly at her.

      • I’ve been in that line ever since I saw her in The Girl on the Bridge 12 years ago. But even then I stipulated that she has to keep her lips together at all times.

    • puddleduck

      I’d be jealous of Courtney Love before this skank.

  25. Do_Freebird

    I remember a time long ago with she was young, beautiful, still had flesh on her bones, and could spit a watermelon seed 50 feet through her front teeth. Alas, that time is long past – well, except for the watermelon seed thing.

  26. He Likes em Young

    Say all the bullshit you want about Johnny Depp right now, but really all that he wants is some twenty year old to suck his dick instead of this old hag.

    • Crabby Old Guy

      Hell, ALL Hetero men would rather have some twenty year old suck our respective dicks instead of this old hag. Duh!

  27. Lilly

    She’s 40, I guess she has aged plainly. And I love gaps between teeths! Especially in men! (yes, there are people who likes them)

    • Schmidtler

      there are retarded people too – we just generally don’t pay attention to their opinions, much like yours.

  28. Blech

    She could be Angelina… if she were punched in the face repeatedly.

  29. Fribble

    Damn, Johnny, I didn’t know you had a thing for Gollum!

  30. DeucePickle

    Bizarro Michael Strahan

  31. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:


  32. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:


  33. “…or whatever the hell’s giving Tim Burton an erection these days”

    While I have learned not to drink coffee in the vicinity of my monitor by now, I did need to eat lunch and it included mashed potatoes and gravy. Fucker’s never gonna be the same.

  34. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    Madonna’s ugly sister

  35. With teeth like that, she should have no problem whistling to hail a cab.

  36. HOLY FUCK this woman is ugly!

  37. Phoenixgirl

    Tonight on a French channel, Vanessa officially denied any rumor or her separating from Johnny Depp.
    She claimed that she doesn’t like to deny/confirm a rumor since every winter rumors claim that her couple is falling apart, then the next summer they announce that they are getting married. She is tired of hearing the same s*** over and over, since the last 14 years!

  38. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    She used to be very pretty but time has not been good to her…

  39. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    I just…never understood

  40. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like a face off with her and Dunst.

  41. abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

    Johnny depp is the awesomest actor in the world and anyone who would give him up clearly has a head problem. He is epic!

    • 123456789

      That’s the problem – he can’t get away from her. She’s freakin’ delusional. French Psycho! Too bad for their kids.

      Kudos to the author: Croissants: The Musical!

  42. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    I think this French version of “True Blood” just might work.

  43. patricia

    I am just imagining how beautiful and/or handsome all the people are who are posting here. I’m thinking they all are “perfection.” Actually when people have to be so rude about another person’s looks, they must be so ugly they need to criticize another person to make themselves feel better when they have to actually look at themselves in the mirror.

  44. browny

    Listen, not ALL women believe in this ‘soul mate’ shite. Just because popular culture (and mainstream society, truth be told) think that ALL women are just dying to get down the aisle in a white dress after having found a ‘soul mate’ doesn’t mean REAL women really believe in it. SOME women do but so do SOME MEN.

  45. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    that is one fugly specimen

  46. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks retarded. WTF is up with those jacked up teeth?

  47. tlmck

    The face that sank a thousand ships.

  48. cc

    She looks like hell and sounds like Herbert.

  49. Vanessa Paradis Cafe De Flore
    Commented on this photo:

    she makes Helena Bonham-Carter look good

  50. Locknload

    You mentioned Gerard Way.

    I love you.

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