Vanessa Bryant Got $75 Million And 3 Mansions

TMZ has just released the details of Kobe and Vanessa Bryant’s divorce settlement, and can we finally start calling marriage the Cadillac of Prostitution? Because, seriously, when the job’s done, a court of law makes you sure get paid 10 times as much for only a quarter of the sex that 90% of the time doesn’t even involve oral or anal. It’s tops!

Vanessa is walking away with $75 million, which we’re told represents close to half of their total assets, estimated at around $150 million.
TMZ previously reported several transfers of property earlier this year between Kobe and Vanessa. It turns out, based on the property settlement, Vanessa scored a clean sweep, snagging ALL THREE of the former couple’s mansions in the Newport Beach area.
Vanessa gets the estate the couple was living in, the estate her mom is living in, and she gets the new estate that had been under construction for 2 years and was just completed.

Somewhere Kris Jenner is reading this and finding herself more moist than the night she lured Khloe’s dad out of the woods with a trail of beef jerky. — Ha! I’m joking. Her vagina’s nothing but space-age polymers and diamond cubbies now. Serious about the Sasquatch shit though.

Photos: Getty