Sometimes literal headlines are the best headlines.
Here’s Vanessa Hudgens posing for the latest Candie’s ad campaign which is supposed to be a clothing line for teen girls, yet the marketing is aimed entirely at my penis. Seriously, they’ve nailed all four dude quadrants because we make all the money and want our daughters to iron clothes in their underwear? (Easy, Billy Ray Cyrus.) I have no clue, yet here’s each demographic perfectly catered to:
1. Misogynists who still think it’s 1955. “I forgot the starch. Please don’t punch me per your legal rights that old white people will look fondly back on as the pinnacle of American exceptionalism!”
2. Pedophiles. Try and fit that photo into any other category. You can’t.
3. Bukakke enthusiasts. “Oh, no, two percent, you’re spilling everywhere.”
4. Chubby-chasers. “Yeah, that’s right, eat ALL the frost- Wait, who keeps buying all this soda? You’re seeing a psychiatrist.”
Did I miss anybody? Because I’m pretty sure every single guy is at least one of those. For example, I’m half a four with a dash of one because I can’t fold a shirt to save my life.
Photos: Splash News
first biatches
WHO GIVES A FUCK
ooooh, nevermind that, i don’t like this chick……booooooo
I don’t know if I’d call this ironing, so much as singeing.
If the iron were on. And if it were plugged in.
I’ve never seen someone smile so genuinely while mixing plaster for their own death mask in a rape basement.
You are seriously twisted.
Great, now I’ve got “Que Sera, Sera” stuck in my head.
LITERALLY had the same first thought… So, uh, you seeing anybody?
LMAO!
Is it just me, or does her face have significantly more features than is normal?
I won’t mind bending her over that ironing board, ripping off her panties, and pounding her like a jackhammer. Wouldn’t mind a bit.
That’s because you’re a heterosexual male.
And we love heterosexual jackhammer banging around here.
I don’t know, I’d like to think the first instance of arousal from the sight of a woman is not to have intercourse ‘like a jackhammer’ if I’m hetero. I’d like to keep up a good name for my persuasion by not having every other sexual thought linked to force or violent objectifying in some way.
why is she famous?…. she is less than average……. D minus
She is famous because unlike you, she moved out of momma’s basement and got a job!
You forgot to include gay dudes in your list, unless they are covered by bukkake enthusiasts.
Is she appealed to gay dudes, she would still be with her last boyfriend.
ZING!
Works for me.
Awww, that’s cute.
A fashion shoot where the model looks happy and is smiling.
I love it. Who wants to go shoes shopping?
do they make steel toe bike boots? my docs are lookin a little ragged
They have some cute & really inexpensive flip flops. You could air out those toes if they have anything in your size.
lol i can already hear the cat calls on my next poker run
This makes me want to go to where ever girls are going to go to buy shoes.
Not even joking.
Is this that chick that’s dating Justin Beebar???
guess i’m a 3 in that list. can’t think of much else to do with this dummy besides fuck her and come on her face. besides tires peelin as i pretend i’m coming back with lattes. so over this bitch, tho if she ever does playboy i’ll probably buy a copy just to stick up the pages. for old times sake
Why do chicks wear those ridiculous Gene Simmons platform shoes? It’s a buzz kill for me. I like small shoes that make their feet look pretty, not the fucking Exxon Valdez.
I’d buy her underwear.
wonder if hollywood couldn’t solve child poverty from the money they’d raise if the hot ones always sold their undies after a few sweaty days. people used to pay small fortunes for a small cut off a sheet that elvis slept on.. used celebrity underwear–it’s about feeding the children!!!
She can afford her own.
A latino woman doing someone’s laundry. Interesting.
She’s not Latino you racist bastard!
It’s the philippino maid doing what philippino maids are supposed to do
uh., you got the spelling wrong and BTW you got a problem with Filipino domestic helpers?…
Pedophiles? What the fuck is wrong with you americans. She’s twenty-fucking-three, not thirteen. Not only is she old enough to fuck, vote and drink, she makes more money than god.
And yet she has no respect from anyone because that’s the price you pay for whoring yourself out and literally flashing your labia all over the internet.
You mistake us for the Japanese who like them young and wide-eyed, and in submissive poses.
We like them furry and hippy.
Show us that awesome Bush.
This doesn’t even come close to the creative crescendo Candies hit, when their ad featured Jenny McCarthy taking a dump. I mean, who irons jeans? No one. Who goes poo? Everyone. What about an ad, where Vanessa is standing on a toilet shrieking, surrounded by tampons arranged on the floor to look like mice? Now that’s relatable. Girls are afraid of mice and they use tampons. It’s the double whammy. That’s how you write an ad.
You must be in marketing.
He’s like the next Don Draper…
I like your idea, Dreg, but we should replace the tampons with guys holding their cock. Everything else works.
If by cock you mean rooster, I like the subliminal entendre. Print it!
All we need is a copy of your resume for HR and you got the job, Dreg.
Let’s be honest, she has no goddamn idea what that thing on the ironing board is. I’ll bet that ten minutes before the photoshoot started, she was flying it around the room going “PEW! PEW! PEW!”
I’ll have you know, all girls know what that contraption is; it’s the thing you use to straighten your hair when your flat iron craps out..duh.
I learned something today, in the most unlikely of places. Thanks!
This is the look and posture of a proud whore. Grrl power indeed. Only she won’t look quite so cock-sure of herself in 10 years. Cougars are not cute.
I give this one 5 years before her “cuteness” wears off. Once the baby fat leaves she will look like shit.
Nah, cougars aren’t cute but some of them are damn sexy.
Mmm, deelish.
Tight as a snare drum, I bet.
Get the gettin’ while the gettin’s good. Soon enough, she go from being a latino getting paid to do pretend house chores to being a latino being paid to do real house chores.
Tight as a snare drum? You’re apparently not familiar with Vanessa. She’s a ho!
Aww, isn’t that cute. I love it when kids play dress-up and raid their mother’s makeup case.
MMM…come to Daddy baby.
You remind me of little Kim K. when I molested…errr…TAUGHT her about da birds and da beezzz.
TIme for the good ole cc sturdiness test for that ironing board.
She’s got man legs, just terrible. Always been her downfall in my opinion.
Really? That’s her downfall?? Not the many pictures of her mighty boosh all over the interwebs?
My estimation of her beauty is obviously less than hers
Who would have guessed that the demographic for a Candie’s ad campaign would overlap almost 100% with the demographic of this site?
(splurgh)
“ohh, oh! It’s, its a big cock squirting all over me! OMG!”
What if we qualify for 3.5 out of the 4 demographics? Maybe chubby chaser when I’m hammered. Do i get a prize or something?
Shit, I spent 40 minutes looking at the half naked chciks on American Apparel’s website the other day. They truly have some stunners on there.
This chick is a horrible actress with like 3 bombs in a row. Sucker Punch being the latest. She’ll end up back on the small screen in some slick, forensic/cop show where they solve murders in 53 minutes.
I’ve seen better legs on a fuckin’ coffee table.
For the win!
You guys are all nuts. I’m here to tell you that I would plow this girl so hard,she’d split like a piece of firewood.
I always wear heels and dress like that when I’m doing housework. The thing is, Candies is generally targeted towards women. Does this make any women want to buy underwear? I think Vanessa is gorgeous, but she’s making a strange face in this picture.. I wonder why they chose it.
Maybe they’re trying to subliminally suggest she’s getting “the shocker”?
(lights pipe, leans back in chair)
Like Dreg said earlier Candie’s posted an ad once with Jenny McCarthy sitting on a toilet with her panties pulled down her legs to promote their shoes. That campaign got a lot of negative feedback from women and yet they did another ad with Jenny McCarthy on the toilet and Kelly Clarkson in the bathtub next to her feet dangling outside the tub while she’s wearing shoes.
Their ads are supposed to be targeting women, but they clearly are designed to make men take a look as well.
Do you iron your clothes in your underwear at least? C’mon, Mandy, inquiring minds want to know!
i wouldn’t per say run after this. but i wouldn’t turn her down either.
Fish, I don’t see how Vanessa’s photos could interest any pedophiles. She doesn’t look like any pre-adolescent child to me. That’s ALL WOMAN.
I don’t get the chubby thing either. I like a woman who doesn’t look anorexic or bulimic.
Love the dude quadrants.
LOL, her father is Irish and her mom Asian you idiot.
Damn, that was for Larry @ 1:39 pm
Actually, her father is Irish and Native American. Her mom is Filipino, Spanish, and Chinese.
I would.
Honestly, who buys milk in glass bottles anymore? And where did she even get it from; that fridge is completely full of varied pink fluids.
Underwear shots are useless if there’s an ironing board blocking the fun-half of the underwear.
Who the hell is Vanessa Hudgens?
So she’s ‘the help’?
do her feet look monstrous to anyone else?
If Frankenstein was a cross-dressing stripper, these are the shoes he would wear.
Hi! I’m taking up a sperm collection for charity. Wanna contribute?
“What’s that? Gloria Steinem just had a heart attack? Sweet!”
Yeah, what about the exploiters of cheap Mexican labor market?
when your career need a boost in america.
……….UNDRESS YOURSELF.
alright i can one up this bitch: i iron naked!! com on ‘Nessa step it UP. represent.