Sometimes literal headlines are the best headlines.
Here’s Vanessa Hudgens posing for the latest Candie’s ad campaign which is supposed to be a clothing line for teen girls, yet the marketing is aimed entirely at my penis. Seriously, they’ve nailed all four dude quadrants because we make all the money and want our daughters to iron clothes in their underwear? (Easy, Billy Ray Cyrus.) I have no clue, yet here’s each demographic perfectly catered to:
1. Misogynists who still think it’s 1955. “I forgot the starch. Please don’t punch me per your legal rights that old white people will look fondly back on as the pinnacle of American exceptionalism!”
2. Pedophiles. Try and fit that photo into any other category. You can’t.
3. Bukakke enthusiasts. “Oh, no, two percent, you’re spilling everywhere.”
4. Chubby-chasers. “Yeah, that’s right, eat ALL the frost- Wait, who keeps buying all this soda? You’re seeing a psychiatrist.”
Did I miss anybody? Because I’m pretty sure every single guy is at least one of those. For example, I’m half a four with a dash of one because I can’t fold a shirt to save my life.
Photos: Splash News