Valderrama talks about sex

March 28th, 2006 // 143 Comments

*wilmer_valderramma_girls.jpgWilmer Valderrama talked about his Hollywood conquests during an appearance on Howard Stern yesterday. Among his revelations were that Lindsay Lohan was one of the best girl’s he’s ever had slept with, Ashlee Simpson was loud in bed and Jennifer Love Hewitt rated an “eight” out of ten when it came to sex. He also claimed that he’s been with two women at once and engaged in anal sex with a famous actress, who he refused to name. Valderrama claims his penis is “slightly bigger” than eight inches, and that he’s videotaped his sexual escapades on numerous occasions, but erased the tapes to keep them from being linked on the internet.

Reading about Wilmer Valderramma’s sex life is like murdering a clown – you don’t really want to do it, but in the end you can’t help yourself. I simply don’t understand how in God’s name this guy gets all this – oh wait, the eight inch penis. Yeah, that might explain it.

superficial

  1. PandoraKnight

    Well I used to think he was a cutie, now he’s just a jerk. Way to be the man!

  2. Jayne

    #37 has been raiding my middle school email account.
    Take those chain letters somewhere else sir.

    I like Wilmer.
    Not in a sexual way.
    But in the way that I love seeing jerks like him stick it to other females.
    It just goes to show that women are idiots and would spread for ANYONE regardless of any thought process.

    I don’t know if he’s smart or stupid with erasing those tapes though.
    I mean, in like.. 3 years his career will be down the toilet. Why not hold on to a few recordings in order to keep them $$$ flow?

  3. Bridget Jonesing

    I heard the interview and it made me totally like this guy! Howard Stern does the best interviews on the planet, and I LOVE Wilmer for being down-to-earth and honest. IT WAS A GREAT INTERVIEW!

  4. frangly

    “#45 In general, women prefer vaginal penetration above oral stimulation.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA… keep dreaming”

    No, that is true. At least for me and my friends that I’ve discussed it with.

    Of course, if more men knew how to give good oral, might be different.

    And I hate to admit it, but much (not all) of #37′s post is correct.

  5. What I read out of this story was that even at 17, when he started dating her she already F****d like a pro. At 17!?!??

    Man what a whore this girl is….even then. As for his penis, yeah, I get the feeling that that was 8 “RADIO INCHES” knock 3 inches off whatever anybody doing an interview on the radio claims.

  6. biggutonenut

    Unfortunately for Fez,despite his 8+, he’ll always be standing in my shadow. Hollywood isnt the only place for superstars.

  7. lalaland

    He is such a whore. I cannot believe someone has not said that yet! Double standards suck. Had this been a woman rating all of her sex partners w/o their consent “Whore” “Slut” and “Skank” would have been all over this board.

    But regardless….he is just nasty and used now. Yuck.

  8. LindsaysLeftLabia

    I think some of us are missing the point; Fez had sex with Lohan and J Love Hewitt and didn’t really give us that much detail on what their cans looked like.
    I’ve been waiting for Hewitt to pop those babies for years and Howard doesn’t even press him on the details.
    I want to know how Lohan tasted. How she smelled. How those giant cans of hers felt. And then I wanted to know what it was like doing a line of coke off her tight ass.
    Lohan was in her prime when the Fezdispenser soiled her. Too bad she looks like a Etheopian crack whore now.

  9. Manderoni

    #50 – YEAH, SIRIUS IS AWESOME….everyone should get it!! Howard’s show has been unbelieveable these past few months – so GODDAM funny!! I barely watch TV anymore!!

  10. You know, there was a time I used to take this seriously:

    “Comments will be moderated and obnoxious or promotional comments may be removed. If your comments are excessively inappropriate or you question why a comment was removed, you will be banned.”

    But you have all shown me the error of my ways.

  11. gogoboots

    Lilo must have put coke on his dick, maybe that’s why she was the best girl he’s ever slept with. I really don’t want to know about this shit EVER again, thank you very much!

  12. Rochford

    “No, that is true. At least for me and my friends that I’ve discussed it with.”

    Hmm, different strokes for different folks, I guess. I haven’t found that to be the case with most of my friends. I guess my BF is just super skilled :)

  13. #57 lalaland.

    My comment on her being a whore and a skank weren’t because she has had sex, it was because she apparently fucked like a pro, to the point where an older man who had dated lots of starlets, said that she was the best he’d had. The fact that she was THAT experienced at the age of 17 makes her a whore and a skank, while he is merely a douchebag.

  14. Jacq

    I personally think #37′s post is obnoxious. That you call those items facts is misleading – some of them appear to be personal preference and over-generalized.

    One of my exes had an 8-incher. He measured from 2 inches above the tip to 2 inches below the base. Loser.

  15. Bellisima

    Wilmer aside sorry guys sometimes an 8 inch penis just has a voice of it’s own and we can hear nothing else.

  16. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    Who cares if it is 8″? From my personal experience, and I’ll have you know I am a whore, if that is even remotely true than it is just some long skinny fire poker, and no woman likes that. Girth, Wilmer, girth.

  17. LindsaysLeftLabia

    I think it’s hilarious when guys rate chicks in the sack.
    Trust me, if you have a pulse you’re instantly an 8.
    Given the fact that LL was 17, had large firm boobs and a tight body, that would instantly make her a 43.

  18. Ashybkoo

    Hey everyone…check out the transcript of the actual interview, then comment…
    http://marksfriggin.com/news06/3-27.htm#mon

    I think it’s funny that anyone would be seen with this guy…8 inches…dream on Wilmer! I’ll believe it when I see it!

  19. xd

    no matter how big he says his dick is… I’m sure it’s quite smaller than he claims… and still, he’s disgusting. Ashlee Simpson?? Lindsay Lohan?? ewww
    Wilmer Valderrama?? ewwwww
    wouldn’t let any of those touch me with a 10 foot stick.

  20. krisdylee

    Hey, Fez, your show sucks.. kinda like you do.

    And if it isn’t nice and chubby, it don’t matter how long it is… Girth is very important.

  21. lalaland

    #63

    I had not even seen your comment when I posted. I just mean in general somebody that is going to sleep with all these people and brag about it is a skank and a whore. We make fun of Paris Hilton for this same reason. He just needs to be called out on it in my opinion. I wonder what diseases he is spreading to Hollywood’s “Washed Up While Still Young List? Obivously one that makes their careers flop.

  22. InsomniActress

    Actually, in the link that #68 posted, it says Wilmer denied having slept with Ashlee Simpson.

  23. SpiderMomma

    In my opinion, length means absolutely nothing. I have been with guys who have length, no thanks. Thickness is where it’s at. As for Fezzybutt, I would believe it when I see it. If you have to brag about it, chances are high that you are a lying sack of shit. I seriously do not see what chicks see in him. Does he ejaculate cocaine? He shit diamonds..what the hell is it? Because I think he’s a little nothin’.

  24. Jacq

    #66 – Totally with ya’ sister! I’ll opt for a short & fat over long and skinny any day. I’m surprised that no one said girth sooner.

    P.S. It’s not whoring if you do it for free.

  25. #71 lalaland makes a GREAT point. This guy really seems to be a fame vampire. He dates women that are either famous or on their way up and they seem to hit the skids after he dates them.

    DO you think we could get him to Date Paris Hilton? Oh God! Have him date Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, AND Angelina Jolie because I’m sick of all of them.

  26. Overrated. Overrated.

  27. Bellisima

    Ok why would anyone praise 8″ if it did not have girth? “Oh he was 8 inches of pencil! Breathtaking!”
    Think about it! When I think 8 inches it includes girth jeeeeeeeeez!!!!! We can have both you know!It’s out there! Although even I might have to have my eyes sewn shut if it’s attached to Wilmer.

  28. This guy is jerk and these these girls are absolute idiots for messing around with him.

  29. ‘Dude, making out with a chick and telling people you had sex is so not cool’

  30. miadm2002

    Just because he says so, doesn’t make it so. Let’s see if he gets sued!!!!

  31. Evangelia

    lol #37. most of what you said i agree with.
    i started a relationship with a really sweet guy awhile ago, the only problem is, i waited to get it on with him, and i just barely saw his dick, which is on the small side. and now i’m kinda attached to him for his personality.

    any suggestions? i want to try to make it work!

  32. derekd

    “WAH, WAH, WAH, what an asshole to kiss and tell!! WAH!” So what! It makes for great entertainment! Everybody talks shit about him talkin’ but you sure as hell checked it out didn’t you? FUCK YOU!

  33. sundaybl00dysunday

    this is just hilarious!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA now Fez had druggy slut Lindsay, screamer Ashlee and dull Jennifer what a loser!

    #1 – saying he did Lohan is not a big deal… EVERYBODY HAS DONE LOHAN.
    #2 – I guess that if he had an 8inch dick he wouldn’t need to talk about it.
    #3 – The three of them ditch him eventhough he “has” an 8 inch dick.

  34. This guy is the Scott Baio of our time. A worthy title.

  35. TowelHead

    His mouth is definitely bigger than his dick. What an asswipe.

    Evangelia: I do sympathize but wouldn’t be caught in the same dilemna (I’m more shallow and would choose dick over personality any day) Not really a toss up for me. However I want to be helpful: maybe he can try one of those much-advertised penile extenders? Surely you’ve heard of them. I get a dozen emails about penis enlargement products daily. If only they’d send me the pics and phone numbers of satisfied customers. *sigh* Anyway, it’s not a big problem (ha!) I’m sure there’s something you can do about it. Good luck!

  36. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    So… what DO they say about redheads? I must have missed that part of gym class…

  37. Sheva

    JLH? Damn I’m freakin jealous of Fez. For heaven’s sake Fez.

  38. TowelHead

    #86 – something about giving oral sex to a redhead being like eating an orange? Now where did I hear that one…

  39. Tracy

    Wilmer had the ruler upside down. If he’d turned it the other way, he’d see he’s only 3 1/2 inches long. Poor stupid Wilmer.

  40. krisdylee

    I haven’t done Lindsey Lohan…yet

  41. Evangelia

    towelhead: “it’s not a big problem”
    omg i almost died laughing! you are verrry funny habib.
    anyways, as for your advice…i can’t just TELL him to take penis enlargement pills. perhaps sneak them into his turkish coffee? i don’t know. this is very depressing.

  42. Evangelia

    p.s. #36
    what they say about redheads is, when they open their legs it looks like they’re giving birth to carrottop.

  43. #84, no way! At least Scott Baio was hot to look at. Wilmer reminds me of the guys that you see flipping hamburgers at your local McDonalds… ew!

    And, why would Wilmer be putting his conquests on blast like this? I mean, when he was doing Lohan, she was 17… isn’t that illegal in this country? Oh, who am I kidding..

  44. Craig & "em"

    The only thing that I got from this interview is that any actress/ singer/ lipsinker interested in having a MEDIORCRE career…should sleep with FEZ and THAT 70′S PENIS!

  45. jonweed

    what a doof! first of all, very few men in the world actually have an 8 inch penis, and anything above 6 is a waste anyway, since you can usually only get about 6 inches deep. Oh and #37, sorry but that is innacurate. The reason most women don’t orgasm during intercourse is because the vagina itself contains the least amount of nerve endings of all the sex organs. Even the G-spot lacks nerve endings and most of the pleasure comes from pressure, which could come from a penis, but as the G-spot is usually 1-3 inches inside, it wouldn’t require much. Any woman who would leave a man for a small penis just hasn’t explored her body enough to know how to get pleasure. And every girlfriend I have had has preferred oral to sex, from every partner they had, whether they were big-dicked or not. This is because the highest concentration of nerve endings on a woman are in the vulva. The pleasure women get during sex comes from pressure of the penis, but mostly from the mans pelvis rubbing against the vulva.

  46. andrewthezeppo

    Um, HE HAD SEX WITH ASHLEE SIMPSON I’m sorry but I’d rather put a bullet in my brain…I’m not jealous of that sorry loser on his has been tv show.

  47. URalllosers

    #84 Fuckin hilarious!

    This guy is so fuckin lucky. Even if only half of what he says is actually true. I have to say though, telling people you have a big dick and then admitting that you erased any possible proof is pretty weak.

    Oh, by the way everybody, I have a huge dick and I lost my virginity at age 12 to this like 22 year old Italian model. I had a bunch of photos but, she like stole em when we broke up.

  48. URalllosers

    #95 aren’t we touchy.

    #37 you are so fascinating!!! no really I mean, wow! You have like, read some books and stuff! I got so bored reading your post I can’t believe anybody actually finished it.

  49. pixie-stix

    I understand he’s going to be in a new show -this interview is publicity stunt aimed squarely at the target market to get attention (regardless whether the info is true or not), and it’s working. So the guy will do anything to be a success…yep, he’s a whore.

  50. #97

    I think “half” of what he said was true (4″)

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