Valderrama talks about sex

March 28th, 2006 // 142 Comments

*wilmer_valderramma_girls.jpgWilmer Valderrama talked about his Hollywood conquests during an appearance on Howard Stern yesterday. Among his revelations were that Lindsay Lohan was one of the best girl’s he’s ever had slept with, Ashlee Simpson was loud in bed and Jennifer Love Hewitt rated an “eight” out of ten when it came to sex. He also claimed that he’s been with two women at once and engaged in anal sex with a famous actress, who he refused to name. Valderrama claims his penis is “slightly bigger” than eight inches, and that he’s videotaped his sexual escapades on numerous occasions, but erased the tapes to keep them from being linked on the internet.

Reading about Wilmer Valderramma’s sex life is like murdering a clown – you don’t really want to do it, but in the end you can’t help yourself. I simply don’t understand how in God’s name this guy gets all this – oh wait, the eight inch penis. Yeah, that might explain it.

superficial

  1. billabong021

    pfft, like fuk hes 8 inches..

  2. Geno

    This post makes me want to kill myself.

  3. hot_stewie

    More like 8 mm..What a loser! He probably wants attention badly because his 15 min of fame are all used up.

  4. LinguisticAnthro

    Well, I was capable of believing this story until I read that he’s bigger than 8 inches. Now I can’t trust a word he says. Which is good, because I seriously doubt Lindsey Lohan is that great in bed.

  5. krisdylee

    usually when a guy brags like this, he’s compensating for some, er, shortcomings….

  6. Jacq

    We’ve all heard how painful Ashlee sounds when she sings. Can you imagine her in bed? I bet ears were bleeding 2 hotels rooms over.

  7. ElFurbe

    So much jealosy and hate. You guys obviously didn’t get the same thing out of this story as me. What I read was that Lindsay Lohan is a great lay, which is fantastic news in my fantasy world, Ashley Simpson is a screamer which, even if she’s not that good adds several points to her performance, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, though not exceptionally sex-talented, is still pretty good, which is about what I expected.

    Come on guys. You’ve got to forget about Valderrama and focus on what’s important. Getting confirmation of the sexual prowess of several hot, young starlets is never a bad thing. Chalk three more up on the official sex kitten roster!

  8. iheartreznor

    “He also claimed that he’s been with two women at once…”

    So that means…two hands at once?

  9. rivercmb

    I bet Lohan was the one who does anal. She seems to top that list.

    I have to give him a credit though, it’s pretty classy to name and even grade the women you’ve slept with publicly.

  10. Italian Stallion

    I am a Stern listener, and all I have to say, If he is telling the truth he is the fucking shit!!!!
    If I had a chance to be any Mexican I wanted, I think it would be him or maybe Oscar De La Hoya, because he got alot of hot ass and he kicked alot of ass.
    What the hell am I talking about?
    My family in Naples would kill me if they heard me say that……….

  11. slightly disturbing to read this.

  12. Italian Stallion

    I bet it’s not even Ashlee!!! I heard she brings a tape recorder to all her sex sessions…….

  13. he also said that while ashley may be loud in bed, she isn’t very experienced…every time she made a mistake, she’d dance a little hobo jig…plus, when she chokes, she blames acid reflux…

    as for the anal thing..i’m sure it must’ve been with ashton…

  14. blueballs

    What do you expect from a guy named “Wilmer”? He just wants attention. He’ll always be known as the fag sounding lisper mexican from THAT 70′s SHOW, not that makes him a bad person.

    What he has done is kill his chances of getting his 8 inch cock sucked by other actress since he can’t keep his mouth shut. Rule #1 in Hollywood is never talk about your sex life with other actors/esses. Vilmer just fucked himself.

  15. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Oh, Fez!

  16. little_miss_perfect

    *Ponders whether the anal was Mandy Moore….he didn’t name her…..*

    And in other news, EWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

  17. BadassFred

    That guy is sooo gross. And I have to agree with 3 and 5.

  18. TheHappyRobot

    dammit, i wanted to pop ashlee’s cherry. ah well, she probably would have woke my parents up anyway if she’s really that loud.

  19. TaiTai

    What a classy guy. Way to score! And I do mean score. I would have to rate him about a 9 out of 10 on the jerk scale, with 10 being KFed. OK maybe that was a little harsh. I’d give him an 8 — oh yeah, that’s what he gives himself.

  20. playahater101

    Didn’t Ashlee Simpson claim they were “just friends” and “nothing happened between them”? So who’s lying. My bet is Ashlee is lying. And that she took it in the pooper. She is, after all, a minister’s daughter. I bet she’s been around the block 8 or 9 times.

  21. Fisher55

    he’s fucking HOT. and you can totally tell he’s hung…it’s in the eyes

    you can always tell

  22. Not only do we find that is Ashlee a screamer, but think of whose name she was screaming. Methinks she would have sounded like Fred Flintstone:
    “Wilmerrrrrr! Wil-merrrrrrrr”

  23. NaughtyBits74

    If I didn’t hate him before, this article gives me reason to hate him now.

    He kisses-n-tells? And has no problem with it?

    He’s a jackass…and a B-Lister at best, desperate to hang onto his 15 minutes…8 inches my sweet ass.

    And these women would rather suffer through dealing with at jerk who kisses-n-tells?

    That’s low. You’re low “Valdemar”…and if any of you get that character reference, I’ll be pleased.

  24. mags

    Only one way to put this to rest, Wilmer.

    I’m up for a little male nudity for veracity. Come on.

  25. Captain Awesome

    I’m happy he’s getting this much pussy because he’s going to be “Fez” for the rest of his life.

    Better do it, while the brown guy with a lisp is still hot property.

  26. PapaHotNuts

    Wilmer has 8+ in his pants, fucked at least 3 hot famous chicks (one in the butt), has had a menage-a-trois, and has millions of dollars.

    Today’s score:
    Satan-4, God-0.

    Please God make a late-inning comeback, I can’t deal with much more of this shit.

  27. Fez is gay, right? so that means….LOL

  28. Charlaurz McHall

    HAHAH, Lohan blatantly takes it up the ass! Thats just hysterical. And 8inches???? No way! No guy with a penis that big would be insecure enough to brag about it on Howard Sterns radio show.

    Oh, and isn’t it convenient that he erased his sex tapes?? Now there is no proof for any of this BS. And why would you make a tape just to erase it straight away….?

  29. RhinebeckCowboy

    LOL c;mon! We’ve always known in our heart of hearts that Lindsey is a dirty little girl (in a good way).

    BTW, can someone delete #18 – its a teaser for a download service.

  30. Doc

    he shouldve kept the Ashlee Simpson comment to himself btw… horrendous… Lohan definitely does anal, cant fool me… i knew she was a dirty little slut… at least thats what I used to call her…

  31. LoneWolf

    If there is any justice, karma, irony, truth, or beauty in this world…..then Wilmer Valderrama has contracted or will catch an STD, and his penis will turn black, wither, and fall off.

    Let it be done.

  32. Aimtrue

    I’ve been with hollywood hotties too. I mean a little vasaline and a star magazine and I am a lover to the stars. 8+? I go that beat 10+ over here, and I own a mansion and a yacht. Wilber’s mastrubation fantasies do not give you any insight on how these woman are in bed anymore than mine will. Look in a few years Wilber will be reciting his most famous line, Do you want hot or mild salsa with your quesadilla?

  33. yumyumyum

    he isn’t mexican. he is venezuelan

  34. Sdvora

    For what I am sure will not be the final time: it doesn’t matter if you’re 8″!!! It matters if you are good in bed. A big cock does not necessarily mean a guy is good in bed!! Show me a woman who goes out of her way to say that she likes a big cock, and I’ll show you a woman who’s completely insecure and desperate to *appear* sexy. That is all.

  35. Manderoni

    My favorite line from Howard Stern yesterday….Artie chimed in with “he’s fucked every shitty singer in the business” – HA!!!

  36. Jewbacca

    85 Penis Size facts:

    # If you are a woman and you don’t prefer bigger than average penises, then you are… an exception.

    # Women prefer bigger penises more than men prefer bigger breasts.

    # The average penis measures 6 to 7 inch long and 5 to 5

  37. Penis size aside, the real reason for his success with women is the yayo. Seriously, the guy’s from South America, barely speaks English and is in this country 2 years and lands That 70′s Show? Then proceeds to nail every underage starlet within his zip code. Wilmer is H’wood’s supplier. He gets these girls because of the drugs, certainly not the accent or – judging by the interview – his personality. And as for the anal – you know what they say about redheads….

  38. mags

    #37, those are some great facts.

    Now we know why guys are so screwed up.

    “In general, women prefer vaginal penetration above oral stimulation” Good luck with that!

  39. Cratylus

    I think wittle Wilmer is doing damage control for this photograph:

    http://socialitelife.com/2005/07/29/given_the_evidence_whats_the_appeal.php#more

  40. ESQ

    Com’on it was Lindsay that got banged in the ass AND the threesome he had was with Lindsay and Paris!

    And you know this mannnnnnnnnn!

  41. #37 WTF??!!??

    You seriously have too much time on your hands. And not enough cock.

  42. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Wow, all of that is true. I am so glad I have a vagina and don’t have a care in the world. P.S. What DO they say about redheads?

  43. winstonsalemdude

    i believe him about the inches. as any gay guy will tell you, we constantly monitor guys and their baskets/bulges, esp. actors as they move around and dress in underwear, etc. wilmer is definitely packin’…str8 guys wouldn’t notice such a thing. and you can bet that the str8 guys who have 8 inches or more have no comment on this matter; to them, 8 is normal anyway.

  44. Rochford

    “# In general, women prefer vaginal penetration above oral stimulation.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHA… keep dreaming

    /woman

  45. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    P.S.S. Tom Cruise would LOVE post #37.

  46. Alia

    ummm who is this person?

  47. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    PENIS!!! VAGINA!!! Ok, I’m done.

  48. A Nobody

    He’s gonna be dead soon, isn’t he?

  49. violinguy

    Thanks for the link to the interview! He also mentioned he took Mandy Moore’s virginity? WTF?!

    That may have been the funniest interview I’ve ever heard. Howard Stern show sounds phenomenal uncensored. I think it may be time to sign up for Sirius…

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