Val Kilmer might be pregnant

August 10th, 2006 // 61 Comments

Looks like Cowboy Kilmer is really letting himself go. How does he expect to round up all the cows on the beach if he can’t even see his feet. I never thought I’d be saying this, but he could learn a thing or two from Matthew McConaughey. Like that steroids really work. Or putting on a headband and growing horrible facial hair can really distract from the body.



  1. Kg

    Maybe it’s some soft of matthew mconuahgehehey protest

  2. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    HOLY SHIT!! LMAO!!!! Finally a picture worth laughing at! Lets hear you ladies say how he is now. Tell me thats some serious prosthetics for a movie. On second thought don’t, I like fatty fat fat Val.

  3. Rayo

    damn I thought I’d be first…

  4. Even cowboys cry.

    I especially like that tuft of hair on his chest. Nummers.

  5. juice_up

    Now that’s the gut I’m talklin’ about! Drink on Val!!!

  6. bigponie

    fat bastards brother

  7. Wanna Pet My Beaver?

    Holy Fucking Fat Ass Batman!

    @2 Meh, I’d still fuck him, cock is cock.

  8. He’s quickly approaching “I can’t see my penis” territory.

  9. Doesn’t he kinda have the Sasquatch pose?

  10. ohmygoodnessgracious

    Black mole on the left elbow, how sexy can you get!?!?

  11. dmarie

    Personally, I never got my jollies off of looking at him anyway. Just another reason not to.

    Say, is “Frank the Tank” back???

  12. ImSuicidal

    “Fatback Mountain”

  13. Berrylicious

    wow his pants are way too low, I am just glad not to see his pubes. Yuk!!

  14. Chantikins

    Wow, I never saw a beer gut I didn’t like…

    except for this one…

  15. Berrylicious

    haha #12 that was funny!!

  16. that can’t be him, can it? can it?!?

  17. freakspeely

    Yeah, and he’s gonna give birth to a huge and greasy dark-skinned baby, looks like. By the looks of his face he’s about to go into labor…

  18. BarbadoSlim

    Hehehehehe…you gotta admire a man who just, DON’T. GIVE. A. FUCK. I bet he’s wearing flip-flops.

  19. jrzpussie

    He ate Willow!!!!!!

  20. ToiletDuck

    Well, there goes tonight’s dinner all over my keyboard…all I can say is thank God his left arm is where it is, otherwise we would be dealing with some serious buttcrack issues here, and I would likely have started self-mutilating…


  21. ToiletDuck

    He’s got Rosie O’Donnell’s belly, but that’s where the resemblance ends -

  22. ToiletDuck

    He is probably now hung like a sparrow…

  23. Andrea

    Dude, first comment was the best.

  24. see, this here is a still from his CELEBRITY FIT CLUB audition tape…

  25. Jolene

    Yep, and Tom Cruise is the father

  26. KatieGoggles

    that looks like its doctored and not even him, am i just high?

  27. biatcho

    “I have not yet begun to defile myself”

  28. KatieA978

    *sigh* I remember when he used to be hot.

    Damn you old age, beer and corn chips. Damn you to hell.

    And damn Paris Hilton as well – she f*cked him, it’s her fault. Sadly it seems the only cure for SuperHerp is becoming and old fat man with no tan.

  29. Oh, so he has a little pot belly. Big deal, the man is known for “hammering a six inch spike through a board with his penis.”

    For those of you who are saying “huh?” That is a movie reference from Real Genius. One of his finest films in my opinion.

  30. ffordegroupie

    What, you guys haven’t heard? He’s planning a sequel to “The Doors,” and has to gut up to play Jim once more.

  31. Cleosneedle

    Christ almighty!

    With that hat and belly, I thought that it was Brittany Spears at first

  32. nc72

    @29, nothing little about that pot belly!
    No wonder he likes to take time out and reflect in his tree house…

  33. here

    Perhaps he’s suffered from a permanent injury that makes it painful to work-out. If not, something in his gut appears ready to break free from its human host, scamper bloodily across the parking lot to its idling F250 Dually, and careen away toward the East while dark legions of flying monkeys fly a low, screeching, overhead escort.

  34. BarbadoSlim

    @29…one of his finest films indeed, if not his finest before he went all serious and shit.
    And let’s not forget Top Secret.

  35. CMonster0125

    Face it, he hasn’t worked for many years now. He’s probably in the “who gives a shit?” mentality right now. Maybe if his agent got him something, he’d work out again. But unless Hell freezes over, this is just the tip of the chubby-Kilmer iceberg.

  36. jrzmommy

    Marlon Brando reincarnated.

  37. spatz

    its about fuckin time a story about a mans ugliness was posted.

  38. knowhere

    looks like he don’t give a crap about living up to preconceived notions of what hollywood stars should always look like. more power to him!

  39. cayana

    #26 I think it’s him. I saw him in a relatively recent movie with Robert Downey Jr and he was looking pretty fat around the face and neck. But thankfully he was fully clothed the entire movie so I never got a view like THIS. My eyes, I’m scarred. ><

  40. GG1000

    He looks spookily like George W. Bush’s separated at birth and taken to live in a trailor park twin brother.

  41. If I looked like that I’d shoot myself

  42. DancingQueen

    Wow, I guess the ICE MAN cometh…

    What would Maverick think? Oh yeah, that’s right, he’s busy LTC!!!

    @12 & 31, HIL-F-ING-LARIOUS!!! Thanks for the laugh!

  43. Bioplant

    Really enjoying the nipple on his left elbow.

  44. Elikapeka

    Mmm. Guntage. I bet we’d find a whole treasure cove of surprises under that overhang.

  45. He’s playing the Marlboro Man trolling for cock in a new biopic produced by good “buddy” Tom Cruise. In the film, the original Marlboro Man, B.J. Cocklove, goes from the glory of billboards and print ads to the wasting horror of AIDS and lung cancer. This pic is obviously of Cocklove in his better days, before the onset of health problems. Tentatively titled “Long and Hard” the film is set for a May release.

  46. Putting up this picture, Great choice #1 Superficial. Putting this picture up right next to the one of Matt Maconnohay (Or however the fuck you spell it) was the cherry on top of my day. Great post!!!

  47. hey you guys got really funny all of a sudden. a sparrow? britney spears? shoot, that’s hilarious.

    my only confusion now is that so far I don’t see anyone mentioning the porn star esque nipular action.

  48. #29 HolisticWisdomcom

    And don’t for get that the girl that said that to him was in another great 80′s film. She played Julie in Valley Girl.

  49. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #29 – Ha!
    “Don’t eat that cheeseburger, it’ll make your breasts huge and… wait! Oh my god, I’m too late!!!”

  50. Now I have to clean vomit off of my keyboard. Thanks.

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