Here’s Val Kilmer Shooting That Terrence Malick Movie Where Natalie Portman Looks Crazy Hot

November 6th, 2012 // 21 Comments

Partially because this pic didn’t get nearly enough awesome captions in yesterday’s Crap We Missed and partially because each of these shots are why we have an Internet, here’s Val Kilmer on the set of Untitled Terrence Malick Project that I’m now pretty sure is about Natalie Portman‘s Sookie Stackhouse meeting Jim Morrison who’s back from the grave to do weddings with his new band “Singz 4 Wingz” except it’s all told through three hour long shots of him combing his hair. It’s the kind of cinema we’ve come to expect from Malick only this time with fake breasts, freakishly long Irish penis and Madmartigan belting out “Total Eclipse of the Heart” whenever he’s not mouthing the words, “I said blue cheese, Peck.”

Photos: WENN

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  1. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    And he came to a door…and he looked inside…Father, yes son, I want to kill you…Mother…I want to…WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    Wait, this isn’t a what would it be like if Jim Morrison didn’t die sequel?

  2. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Val Kielbasa.

  3. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    Commented on this photo:

    This is for that Meat Loaf bio pic, right?

  4. Freebie

    What a bitch it is to get old. He used to be so great looking.

  5. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    I have a microphone and you don’t so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!

  6. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    All this for a Flowbee commercial?

  7. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    Frank Castle
    Commented on this photo:

    Shit he looks like Gwildor! (Google it)

  8. Val K.

    Here’s the audio transcript:

    “So Jesus’ wife says “And where have YOU been for the past three days, Mr. Winemaker?” And Jesus say “It’s okay, I’ll tell you…Not that’s important or anything, but I was DEAD!!! I’M IN A FUCKIN’ GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I’M FIGHTIN’ DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE! I’M CHANGIN’ SPIRITUAL FORM, ABOUT TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO “WAIT A SECOND! I GOTTA GO BACK BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE I’VE BEEN!”
    Nah, Jesus could never have been married.”

  9. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Why did they cast Kato Kaelin in the Evil Dead remake?

  10. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    Commented on this photo:

    Terrence Malick is remaking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Do we spend an hour of the movie in a factory watching the chainsaw being painstakingly manufactured from raw material to finished product?

  11. EricLr

    Sing Crazy Train!!!

  12. The Royal Penis

    Poor Val, he peaked when he played Doc Holliday and it’s been downhill ever since.

  13. Dick Hell

    Wow, this post was the third thing I’ve read today containing the phase “freakishly long Irish penis” (Grandma likes to keep me up to date about her friends in the retirement community).

  14. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    It’s so nice to know there are men out ther who make Grigori and me look healthy, sane and almost good-looking. Looks like he’d be happy to have a few dozen drinks with us.

    Come to think of it, he probably did,

  15. whomsoever

    Portman doesn’t look hot. She looks like a dude from below the boobs.

  16. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    “Galileo! Galileo!”

  17. Val Kilmer Double Chin Terrence Malick Movie Fun Fun Fun Fest
    Assbestos
    Commented on this photo:

    Are all those, chins…his?!

  18. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Come on, come on, come on, come on
    Now fed me, babe
    Can’t you see that I am not satiated?
    Where is that sandwich that you made?
    Why won’t you grab me that lemonade?
    What’s that meat called that you flayed?

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