Our Shit Is Still Jacked So Here’s Darth Vader Dubbed Over With Arnold Because Why Not?

January 11th, 2013 // 19 Comments
Arnold Schwarzenegger
WATCH: What If Darth Vader Was Arnold? (Your Mind: Blown.)

So, yeah, we’re pulling the chute on this hell of a week because if I look at one more spinning load wheel, I’ll easily purchase an assault rifle and commit mass murder with it per the psychic instructions Obama keeps beaming into my head. We’ll be back Monday (No Most Important People tomorrow because I couldn’t get it up if I wanted to which is something I say to all my dates. I just like the sound of it.) where hopefully things we’ll be working smoothly, and despite my bitching, seem to be improving as of this post. On that note, huge thanks to Chet in our tech department who I’m convinced is a cyborg because he’s spent the past 72 hours without sleep basically trying to empty out a swimming pool with a spoon to keep our dick jokes online. You’re doing the Lord’s work, son. And now some parting gifts:

For the celebrity schadenfreude enthusiasts, here’s audio of Lindsay Lohan screaming at her The Canyons co-star James Deen to do his job, so I’m wondering if that was before or after she cost the micro-budget production thousands of dollars it didn’t have by locking herself in a closet during filming and/or partying with Lady GaGa just to name two of 8,000 examples of why she has no fucking ground to stand on.

For the political junkies, teachers in California stopped a school shooter yesterday by talking to him? That can’t be right. Guns, only guns solve everything! Adding… Keep doing this, gun nuts. This is working great for you.

For the nerds, here’s an awesome profile on Polygon of Bioshock creator Ken Levine.

And for the pervs, Candice Swanepoel posted a photo of her ass to Instagram, so now we can all safely describe what Heaven looks like.

(h/t FilmDrunk for the Arnold mashup)

superficial

  1. USDA Prime McBeef

    If I actually gave a shit about celebs and celeb gossip I would already be at Perez. I just like the shit talking and hating that happens here, or at least used to.

    at least I’ve still got masturbation.

    *sigh*

  2. The Swanepoel link is already broken. Which is a perfect indication of how my year is going so far. There’s a point to living, right?

  3. Cock Dr

    Blogger didn’t offer the ladies any parting gifts.
    Huh.
    Too small a viewing demographic I guess.

  4. JohnnyHildo

    On the plus side, the pop ups NEVER stopped working.

  5. Deacon Jones

    Congrats to CHET?!
    What’s he doing, pouring random shots of brandy onto your hard drive?

    I’d hate to see him on an “off” day. How bout you pay me to come over and tap dance on your keyboard tonight? I’ll bring the Schlitz.

  6. Candi, Candi, Candi (Swanepoel)…I know I’ve told you this before, but one of the things I’ve always loved about you is that you are such a tease…

  7. FUCKBEAST

    OH COME ON SUPERFICIAL, THIS HAS BEEN AN ALL WEEK THING. THIS IS THE ONLY GOSSIP SITE I LOOK FORWARD TO AND YOU’RE RUINING IT FOR ME!

  8. tlmck

    It appears that the “Crap We Missed” is the new and improved site formerly known as “The Superficial”. Kudos to the morons who thought improving the site was a good idea. They have improved it right off the internet. I’ll bet some asshole VP even got a raise!

  9. Beer Baron

    These comment pop ups and page slow downs are just increasing my blood lust.

  10. Fish and Photoboy, I love you guys devotedly and don’t you worry, it’ll all work out! *MWAH!*

  11. jonandkateplushate

    Instead of reporting every time Taylor Swift gets dumped why don’t you report every time Taylor Swift takes a dump. It would be so much more interesting !!!!!

  12. Averse Distraction

    The Superficial is done both technically and creatively. It’s obvious they went full corporate so now it’s just a standardized product without spontaneity. Fish’s comments are not what they used to be. Changes about commenting and Thumbs Up chased away a lot of people. But I guess the suits are happy because now the site fits their unified theory of conformity.

  13. Go screw your fugly maid, Ahnold. He belongs in a trailer park…schmuck.

  14. cc

    Did Celebuzz start hosting The Superficial on a 486?

  15. zomgbie

    always make sure u have a well fed backup hamster just in case u forget to feed the one working the wheel.

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