Our Shit Is Still Jacked So Here’s Darth Vader Dubbed Over With Arnold Because Why Not?

The Superficial / January 11, 2013

So, yeah, we’re pulling the chute on this hell of a week because if I look at one more spinning load wheel, I’ll easily purchase an assault rifle and commit mass murder with it per the psychic instructions Obama keeps beaming into my head. We’ll be back Monday (No Most Important People tomorrow because I couldn’t get it up if I wanted to which is something I say to all my dates. I just like the sound of it.) where hopefully things we’ll be working smoothly, and despite my bitching, seem to be improving as of this post. On that note, huge thanks to Chet in our tech department who I’m convinced is a cyborg because he’s spent the past 72 hours without sleep basically trying to empty out a swimming pool with a spoon to keep our dick jokes online. You’re doing the Lord’s work, son. And now some parting gifts:

For the celebrity schadenfreude enthusiasts, here’s audio of Lindsay Lohan screaming at her The Canyons co-star James Deen to do his job, so I’m wondering if that was before or after she cost the micro-budget production thousands of dollars it didn’t have by locking herself in a closet during filming and/or partying with Lady GaGa just to name two of 8,000 examples of why she has no fucking ground to stand on.

For the political junkies, teachers in California stopped a school shooter yesterday by talking to him? That can’t be right. Guns, only guns solve everything! Adding… Keep doing this, gun nuts. This is working great for you.

For the nerds, here’s an awesome profile on Polygon of Bioshock creator Ken Levine.

And for the pervs, Candice Swanepoel posted a photo of her ass to Instagram, so now we can all safely describe what Heaven looks like.

(h/t FilmDrunk for the Arnold mashup)