UPDATE: Madonna adopts babies at lightning speed

October 4th, 2006 // 70 Comments

Government officials in Malawi announced today that Madonna has already gone through with her adoption, choosing a one-year-old orphan from among 12 children specially chosen prior to her arrival.

“She asked us to identify boys only, which we have done after visiting four orphanages in Lilongwe,” government spokeswoman Adrina Michiela said. Michiela said Madonna had wanted to adopt a girl but changed her mind two weeks ago.

I figure in a couple months when adopting African babies is no longer the thing to do, that child will never see Madonna ever again. In a few years nobody will even remember she did this. She probably won’t even remember she did this. She’ll come home one day, see the kid, and then call the police to report a break in and robbery. And then she’ll request special reinforcements because “he’s black.”

UPDATE: Despite a statement by a goverment official, Madonna’s rep says she has not adopted an African child. So basically Malawi is a nation of liars and tricksters who lie and trick. And me? I make broad generalizations. That’s what I do.


  1. Nortcliff

    Who will be the first to get their hands on an authentic Inuit baby – Madge or Angelina? Can I get an Arapaho?

  2. Haystacks

    Oh Madonna, Always desperately trying to stay current……….Does this mean Africa will start adopting celebrity babies?

  3. Binky

    Madge is likely finally aware that having adopted an African baby will increase her worth ‘as an artist.’
    Well…ok…that and the Cone-bra.
    (We’re not really talkin’ Beethoven here)

  4. What happened to adopting children right here in the U.S.? There are certainly plenty that need it… I guess it is not as chic since Angelina Jolie adopted abroad.


  5. biatcho

    please lord jesus, mine saviore, let her contract malaria then make her tits rot off and her vagina ooze with maggot-infested puss until she inevitably blows her head off.
    the lord does stuff like that if you pray hard enough for it to happen to some dirty slut who reenacts a crucifixion scene at her own concert, right?

  6. NotANiceGirl

    Why bother legally adopting a child when she can just smuggle them out in that giant gap in her teeth?????

  7. LilRach

    This Madonna adopting shit is everywhere! and confusing. She is adopting – she has adopted – she hasn’t quite adopted – she hasn’t adopted!

    That must be one confused African baby! Welcome to America child!

  8. Binky

    #43 Well the kid should be safe – at least she’s not a Republican congressman. Well – so far.

  9. Steeno

    and how much does life suck for the last mr richie who adopted?

    no, just kidding

    celebs spreading their wealth is nice, but inducting an innocent child to their whacked out elitist lifestyle is not so nice.

    better idea: spread some influence toward normal people adopting local babies

  10. Binky

    #44 Good point.
    I often wondered why Congress didn’t have a few more questions about Iraq, or seem to care that Osama was still free – years after he killed thousands of innocent people.
    They were too busy trying to get laid by the teenage Congressional pages !

  11. thebor

    See that bitch ate the baby already and the cover up begins. I guess my kids kids kids, will still have the deal with Madonna. By then she will be heavy into Voodoo.

  12. Nuke L.A.

    Pretty soon all these dopes will be sporting indigenous babies in their handbags instead of those gay little Chihuahuas.

  13. Morticia

    LMAO @ #10!

  14. No_Angel

    We have adopted a child from a foreign country, and we considered American adoptions also.

    Most domestic adoptions require some sort of visitation or communication with the birth parents. It is also incredibly expensive, not guareenteed, and completely unpredictable.

    It isn’t easy to walk into a foreign orphanage and walk out with just one child. You want to take them all.

    If it isn’t so glaringly obvious that this a complete media stunt you’d think that this selfish bitch would do something just for the good of mankind, not just your ‘image’.

    Go back to secretly screwing the upstairs maid and donate some of your cash to villages that really need it. Build schools, hospitals, send medications in Africa. Because she got the wrong country for ‘no child left behind’.

  15. Binky

    Re #46
    Checks and Balances ? – ‘My Ass’ !
    (Ok I’m done)

  16. RichPort

    #50 – Amen. I guess you really are an Angel. We have adopted kids in the family too, both foreign and domestic. Fuck, I just made them sound like cars…

  17. commissioner


    Everyone should own a few foreign and domestic children. They are deductible expenses. I’m always looking to cheat Uncle Sam.

  18. biatcho

    #52 – you can be like those hoochie momma chicks and name your kids after cars. Elantra if said adopted kid is black, Chevette if the kid is PR, Hyundai if the kid is Asian, Land Rover if a white rich kid.

  19. justme

    Why can’t negroes take care of themselves?

  20. Ya know, I’m glad that Hollywood-types feel that it is hip and cool to adopt little African (or African-looking) children.

    It makes you forget that whole slavery thing where people of color are exploited for FAME and PROFIT. Yeah, those days are gone…



  21. Did anyone see Roger Friedman’s article on Madge today? Her “charitable” (tax-free) foundation gave hundreds of thousands to Kabbalah, and only a couple of $10ks to AIDS-related causes.

    Roger says, “For all of her preaching about AIDS, Madonna lists nothing on her Ray of Light return for groups like amfAR, Elton John’s AIDS Foundation or dozens of other organizations trying to stamp out the disease in Africa.”

    You guys are hilarious! I like the one about the fake robbery.

  22. Do Freebird

    So what’s the big deal? This has been going on in Hollywood for almost 75 years. Have we all forgotten that messy Miss Crabtree/Stymie/Buckwheat love triangle from the mid 30′s.

    And now a Little Rascals joke.

    Miss Crabtree: “Alfafa, could you spell ‘Dictate’ for us?

    Alfafa: Ummm D i k t….

    Miss Crabtree: No Alfafa, that’s not right. How about you Spanky?

    Spanky: D e t a e ……

    Miss Crabtree: No Spanky, that’s not correct either. Can you try now Buckwheat?

    Buckwheeet: Yes’m Miss Crabtree. D i c … t a t e.

    Miss Crabtree: Excelent Buckwheat. Do you think you can put the word in a sentence for us?

    Buckwheat: Yes’m Miss Crabtree…..

    Darla, how do my Dic tate?

  23. Jenny

    Only boys? She said that and no Daddy Warbucks/Annie reference? Come on Mr. Superficial!

  24. rachel

    at least madonna is trying to make a difference. even if it just is a publicity stunt, she’s trying to raise awareness of an epidemic which doesn’t recieve much media coverage.

    #57 – elton john himself said on jay leno just a few nights ago that madonna donated $25,000 to his aids foundation.

    of course roger friedman is going to try to make madonna look bad. look where he works. fox news. rupublican HQ. what’s madonna? a democrat 100%. fox is such a biased network, they have such an obvious republican agenda.

  25. commissioner


    Madonna’s not a Democrat, she’s British. Seriously, though, she might be a registered Democrat, but she lives very much like a Republican. Only giving 25K to Elton’s cause? That’s chump change.

    Roger doesn’t have to try too hard to make Mrs. Ritchie look bad. She manages to do very well on her own.

    FOX news came about to counter all the left-wing newscasts out there. NBC’s “Today” show, “Imus”, MSNBC, CNN and others. To get “fair and balanced” news, one could take a little bit of info from each source and decide for one’s self what to believe and what to disregard.

  26. RichPort

    #61 – I’ve been listening to/ watching Imus for years. He’s a cantankerous old fool, but he kills me. FoxNews eats blonkey dick, as do all cable news channels. That said, I’ll watch any channel religiously that allows me actually (nails, Roman guards, and vinegar included) allows me to crucify Shallow Madge the wannabe Jew.

  27. jrzmommy

    Kid: “Mummy, can I watch the telly for a bit?”

    Madonna: “NO! We don’t watch television in this family, Engoogoo. Now run along and read your Kaballah for Kids.

    Kid: “Mummy…..I’d like to return to the orphanage now.”

  28. RichPort

    If I ever adopt a kid from Africa I’m naming him Mogadishu.

  29. rachel

    # 61
    “british” isn’t a political party and madonna was born and reared in detroit, michigan. she might live in the UK but that doesn’t mean she’s british. she might even use that irritating british accent but unfortunately for her, she’s not a brit.

    that’s chump change? then why don’t you go empty 25 grand from your bank account to the cause? yeah madonna is worth millions but you people won’t be satisfied until everyone gives away all their money. 25 grand is a hell of a lot better than nothing. who are you to decided how much she should give away? her accountant? i’m only defending her because SOME celebrities sit on their mounds of money and donate absolutely nothing. i’m SURE madonna could afford to give away lots more but at least she’s donated something. not to mention all the aids charity events she attends, using her celebrity to raise more awareness and in her being there, more money.

  30. commissioner


    I just hate Katie Couric. Makes me want to vomit with her condescending commentary.

    Dearest Rachel:

    I am well aware “British” is not a political party, you simp. Because you feel compelled to defend Madonna’s miserly ways, bite me real hard.

    jrz: glad you’ve shown up.

  31. RichPort

    Commish – I hate all orange people. That’s right, I said it. I’m an orange people fucking racist.

  32. commissioner

    Rich – I hate orange people because you hate orange people.

  33. Nikoda

    Stunned? You should understand Madonna has had her ups and downs in life just like many people.
    You perfect pple are not perfect. You good at criticizing other ppl only. You covering up yourself?

    Madonna has done a great thing. I am sure this will even make her a better person.
    You have no idea of what life is like out there in Africa. It is HELL mostly caused by the kind of you “perfect” ppl
    with you dirty money.

    I wish many ppl would learn from this gesture.
    May this example set by Madonna teach you to learn to share that little change in your purses and pockets.
    Share to those in need.

    Do you know how much a donation of 1 dollar or even just a cent would do to the many unpreviledged. It may even save lives.

    Please please help out. Its a beautiful thing to do.

  34. she’s going for the record – looks like feud with brangelina

Leave A Comment