Government officials in Malawi announced today that Madonna has already gone through with her adoption, choosing a one-year-old orphan from among 12 children specially chosen prior to her arrival.
“She asked us to identify boys only, which we have done after visiting four orphanages in Lilongwe,” government spokeswoman Adrina Michiela said. Michiela said Madonna had wanted to adopt a girl but changed her mind two weeks ago.
I figure in a couple months when adopting African babies is no longer the thing to do, that child will never see Madonna ever again. In a few years nobody will even remember she did this. She probably won’t even remember she did this. She’ll come home one day, see the kid, and then call the police to report a break in and robbery. And then she’ll request special reinforcements because “he’s black.”
UPDATE: Despite a statement by a goverment official, Madonna’s rep says she has not adopted an African child. So basically Malawi is a nation of liars and tricksters who lie and trick. And me? I make broad generalizations. That’s what I do.
CelebSlam.com | October 4, 2006 at 12:18 pm
This Madonna news is coming in fast today!
http://www.celebslam.com
CelebSlam.com | October 4, 2006 at 12:20 pm
black stereotypes are the funniest
http://www.celebslam.com
shmoody | October 4, 2006 at 12:23 pm
How come nobody adopts kids from this country? I mean are the kids in this country that worthless?
replicunt | October 4, 2006 at 12:23 pm
I’m sooo over adopting foreign babies.
Actually, I’m so over babies in general.
replicunt | October 4, 2006 at 12:23 pm
I’m sooo over adopting foreign babies.
Actually, I’m so over babies in general.
Brain Embolism | October 4, 2006 at 12:29 pm
She adopted that baby quicker than Italian Stallion cums…
…just ask pinky-nip.
Guy-Pierre | October 4, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Hurray for Madonna!!!
She’s such a diva.
Wampoon.com | October 4, 2006 at 12:32 pm
Adopt me! Adopt me!
http://wampoon.com
johnq | October 4, 2006 at 12:32 pm
leave her alone, she needed an african baby for her world music album cover. it’s not like they’re expensive or anything.
serial snarkalec | October 4, 2006 at 12:33 pm
It is every black African boy’s dream to be adopted by a white middle-aged bisexual cunt who is a fake Jew, speaks in a fake English accent and has fake musical talent.
pinky_nip | October 4, 2006 at 12:34 pm
@6, Brain, you have Stallion & my name reversed….
mrs.t | October 4, 2006 at 12:34 pm
I would have pegged her for an Asian-adopter. You know, because of Shanghai Surprise. She got mad love for the Chinese.
thebor | October 4, 2006 at 12:34 pm
You know Madonna is going to eat that baby in some kind of bizarre ritual. She is acutally 441 years old, but every 21 years she has to eat an african baby to regain her powers of producing shit at alarming speed. Just so happens its a really trendy thing to do, right now.
Fuck I’m bored.
UNWASHEDMASSES | October 4, 2006 at 12:35 pm
Guy Ritchie has to be the greatest pussywhipped motherfucker in history. I’m sure when Madge told him they were going to pull an Angelina he nodded politely then went back to blowing Jason Statham.
BigJim | October 4, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Too bad Britney and KFAG didn’t choose the adoption route. Now we’ve got to put up with their shallow gene pool demon spawn.
mrs.t | October 4, 2006 at 12:37 pm
#15: WORD. And we all could have avoided witnessing Britney’s de-evolution.
shell | October 4, 2006 at 12:38 pm
She had a personal shopper pick out black babies and have them lined up ready for her like they were dresses for the Oscars.
Brain Embolism | October 4, 2006 at 12:47 pm
#11 – Fuck pinky, I’ve always been told I was bass-akwards.
RichPort | October 4, 2006 at 1:00 pm
#14 – HA!!!
I wonder if she’s gonna cut off any toes to prevent it from running away?
Eye-Dish Lass | October 4, 2006 at 1:00 pm
She was determined to have Rodman’s baby….one way or another.
CooterPunch | October 4, 2006 at 1:08 pm
I’m sure her husband was ALL about this idea!
/sarcasm
http://www.cooterpunch.com
Eye-Dish Lass | October 4, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Place your bets. What will Hymen-Trevor Ciccone’s first words be: 1. Oy Vey! 2.Sup Dawwwwwg?
Eye-Dish Lass | October 4, 2006 at 1:10 pm
…..and Madge furiously writes the English Roses Part II – “Kill Whitey!”
Eye-Dish Lass | October 4, 2006 at 1:12 pm
At diaper changing time, Mr. Ritchie will quickly figure out why she dated Rodman.
Italian Stallion | October 4, 2006 at 1:13 pm
About the robbery thing, she could just knock him out and sprinkle a little crack on him. Then the cop’s wouldn’t even ask questions, they would just take him away…………..
@11 that’s my girl………
PunjabPete | October 4, 2006 at 1:13 pm
From: Malawi Child Services
To: Madonna
Message as follows:
Mollasses and Rum received. Media release sent to CNN as requested…
Eye-Dish Lass | October 4, 2006 at 1:15 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Celebs are SO funny! If I had all that money, I’d pick something up from Barney’s; not Lilongwe!
Amy3000 | October 4, 2006 at 1:17 pm
@ number 14, you just made me choke on my milk!…an interesting mental image to say the least.
eatsbabies.
Eye-Dish Lass | October 4, 2006 at 1:20 pm
I’m just embarrassed for her. Foreign adoptions are so played out. Couldn’t she find a rotted-out toothed Brit to adopt? Oh, wait…that’s the ONLY kind there are….
Italian Stallion | October 4, 2006 at 1:34 pm
@29 RnR didn’t scare you into changing your name, did it?
dFotze | October 4, 2006 at 2:10 pm
It doesn’t really matter if it’s a publicity stunt or not… that’s one lucky baby! Anything beats growing up starving in africa!
I do agree that there’s lots of abondoned kids and problems in our own country, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to draw attention to the inhuman circumstances in underdeveloped nations. I think it’s great that she’s building an orphanage, too. I wish all celebs donated some of their gazillions to good causes instead of buying clothes and $5,000 purses and other useless scheisse and getting wasted at ‘Hyde’.
EazyE | October 4, 2006 at 2:17 pm
Some day she can pose naked with him on the cover of Vanity Fair. Since they’re not related, she can train him to be her boy-toy manchild.
Jenna | October 4, 2006 at 2:35 pm
#32 – Ew. Plausible, but ew.
#26 – I’m thinkin’ it did go down a little something like that….
My question is, how is she going to explain all this to the little bugger when he askes who his real mommy and daddy are. Anybody have any suggestions as to how Ms. M should explain this?
PunjabPete | October 4, 2006 at 2:41 pm
33 – Can you imagine how lovely it will be for this child in that household?
Because the Brits have been so wonderful in their treatment of all things from the dark continent….
Her kids will surely be no exception…
“Kitu, another wine spritzer or it’s back to the poor country for you!!”
skilzaw | October 4, 2006 at 3:21 pm
#3 celebs cannot adopt American babies because some clever fuck from the Enquirer will dig up the real white trash, po black, greasy brown; car jacking wife beating dope smoking birth parents & convince them to sue for some sort of open adoption or make a plea to the bleeding heart hag mag readers to harrass the adopted parents to let them into their lives.
no fucking way their adopting American babies. and I don’t blame them.
RichPort | October 4, 2006 at 3:35 pm
#26 – HA!!!
#31 – Access Hollywood is like the fucking bible to you, huh?
Nortcliff | October 4, 2006 at 5:34 pm
Who will be the first to get their hands on an authentic Inuit baby – Madge or Angelina? Can I get an Arapaho?
Haystacks | October 4, 2006 at 6:08 pm
Oh Madonna, Always desperately trying to stay current……….Does this mean Africa will start adopting celebrity babies?
Binky | October 4, 2006 at 6:12 pm
Madge is likely finally aware that having adopted an African baby will increase her worth ‘as an artist.’
Well…ok…that and the Cone-bra.
(We’re not really talkin’ Beethoven here)
HolisticWisdomcom | October 4, 2006 at 6:18 pm
What happened to adopting children right here in the U.S.? There are certainly plenty that need it… I guess it is not as chic since Angelina Jolie adopted abroad.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
biatcho | October 4, 2006 at 6:40 pm
please lord jesus, mine saviore, let her contract malaria then make her tits rot off and her vagina ooze with maggot-infested puss until she inevitably blows her head off.
the lord does stuff like that if you pray hard enough for it to happen to some dirty slut who reenacts a crucifixion scene at her own concert, right?
NotANiceGirl | October 4, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Why bother legally adopting a child when she can just smuggle them out in that giant gap in her teeth?????
LilRach | October 4, 2006 at 7:22 pm
This Madonna adopting shit is everywhere! and confusing. She is adopting – she has adopted – she hasn’t quite adopted – she hasn’t adopted!
That must be one confused African baby! Welcome to America child!
Binky | October 4, 2006 at 7:41 pm
#43 Well the kid should be safe – at least she’s not a Republican congressman. Well – so far.
Steeno | October 4, 2006 at 8:37 pm
and how much does life suck for the last mr richie who adopted?
no, just kidding
celebs spreading their wealth is nice, but inducting an innocent child to their whacked out elitist lifestyle is not so nice.
better idea: spread some influence toward normal people adopting local babies
Binky | October 4, 2006 at 9:20 pm
#44 Good point.
I often wondered why Congress didn’t have a few more questions about Iraq, or seem to care that Osama was still free – years after he killed thousands of innocent people.
They were too busy trying to get laid by the teenage Congressional pages !
thebor | October 5, 2006 at 6:01 am
See that bitch ate the baby already and the cover up begins. I guess my kids kids kids, will still have the deal with Madonna. By then she will be heavy into Voodoo.
Nuke L.A. | October 5, 2006 at 6:35 am
Pretty soon all these dopes will be sporting indigenous babies in their handbags instead of those gay little Chihuahuas.
Morticia | October 5, 2006 at 7:29 am
LMAO @ #10!
No_Angel | October 5, 2006 at 7:30 am
We have adopted a child from a foreign country, and we considered American adoptions also.
Most domestic adoptions require some sort of visitation or communication with the birth parents. It is also incredibly expensive, not guareenteed, and completely unpredictable.
It isn’t easy to walk into a foreign orphanage and walk out with just one child. You want to take them all.
If it isn’t so glaringly obvious that this a complete media stunt you’d think that this selfish bitch would do something just for the good of mankind, not just your ‘image’.
Go back to secretly screwing the upstairs maid and donate some of your cash to villages that really need it. Build schools, hospitals, send medications in Africa. Because she got the wrong country for ‘no child left behind’.