Uma Thurman is single again

March 19th, 2007 // 38 Comments

Not that anybody cares, but Uma Thurman and hotelier Andre Balazs have ended their three-year, on-again, off-again, relationship. Exciting news, isn’t it? Did you wet your pants? Because I know I did. It’s almost as exciting as watching competitive fishing. And NASCAR. At the same time.

And because it makes total sense, I included a shot of Uma Thurman spraying herself down with a hose.


  1. sikofdis

    Hey Mr Fish, can you give her my number?


  2. Troller

    she’s got giant man-hands – just like Bill FRIST.

  3. Viola

    Uma is great! She’ll find someone else soon enough… :o)

  4. jrzmommy

    So what’s with the garden hose?

  5. She is an acquired taste looks-wise. And I don’t think she’s aging all that well.

  6. IFuckingHateYou

    She is fucking UGLY.
    Always has been, always will be.

  7. waitnotyetdamnu

    Her super hot days (Dangerous Liaisons was almost 20 years ago) are long gone. But if you’re a dude who loves to get the assfinger just before you cum, she’s your dreamgirl.

  8. rrd

    I think she always looks like she’s smelling something bad. She’s classy though.

  9. NotTheMomma

    I love Uma. She’s just hot, hot hot. I disagree with the people who say she’s ugly. she’s tall, like, 6 foot, and hot. Did anyone see her with Di Niro in that movie? Can’t think of the name of it. Uma is a goddess.

  10. Binky

    If I ever have her over – I’m going to get someone else to wash my car. She doesn’t seem very accurate with that thing.

  11. mmmBitch

    She still looks good. See her in “The Producers”

    She should get with Quentin Tarantino!!! He’s had the hots for her since PULP FICTION! She’s his muse. He’d love to pork the hell out of her and I would be happy for them.


  12. GooniesNeverSayDie

    I have always thought Uma was pleasing to look at.

    If it wasnt for the close up of her toes in Kill Bill Vol 1., I would have no complaints about her physical appearance.

  13. Gum Dumpster

    That lady is pretty mannish, guess Andre must have found something unexpected.

  14. guymorgan

    She looks classicaly good looking (the cheekbones and all)

  15. elizabeththewellread

    I think Uma is gorgeous, but I do admit that Dangerous Liaisons was her finest hour. Too bad we can’t all be eighteen forever.

  16. wronghole

    2-car garage nostrils, baggy eyes (now), flat ass, toes that make Baby Jesus nauseous. But I think she’s still gorgeous, somehow. Definitely much more attractive than a generic dime-a-dozen pretty-blond pixie, like Reese “Piledriver Chin” Witheringpoon.

  17. Shanipie

    She is only pretty from certian angles…like she has good days and bad days.

    To me she mostly looks manly, more and more now with age.

    Her body I guess is always pretty nice…but her face I think is pretty fugly

  18. lambman

    I agree with #11, she should totally hook up with Quintin, its so obvious that he’s in love with her. Plus she’s never better as an actress than she is with him, and that would encourage them to work together more.

  19. mmmBitch

    Yeah lambman!

    Quentin has no kids and has never been married – he’s in love with Umes, just waiting for the right chance. Hope he gets his balls up and goes style on her. That would be hot. Then they could make awesome movies for the next 10 years instead of the shit that’s been pouring out of theatres for the last 5 years, save for the odd oscar. SAVE AMERICAN CINEMA!!

  20. Does Bill get another chance now?

  21. fame is funny

    She seems to be a really interesting chick, plus her dad is Robert Thurman and him and I could talk all day. I find her attractive, I can’t hate.

  22. Thomas the Wrapper

    I heard she has a huge cock. Thomas Russell told me.

  23. HughJorganthethird

    Uma is the bomb. She was in Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill(s), thus placing her in sexyville for all eternity.

    So those who think she fug should put down the keyboard and go back to masturbating to the View.

  24. IFuckingHateYou

    #23 – Good movies, I’ll agree there.
    Most of us prefer our women to not have testicles and large cocks though. I understand if you think she’s hot because you’re into she-males, otherwise she is just fucking ugly.

  25. whackjob

    Dad always said, “marry a girl with small hands; it’ll make your dick look bigger”.

    In Uma’s case, with those manhands it’d just look queer.

  26. cayana

    A-ha, so that’s how she got to be 6 feet tall. Miracle Gro.

  27. Truthseeker013

    I’m single, and 6’6″. Tall works for me…

  28. ponk

    at first i thought that said “competitive fisting” and I was going to respond with “Kill Bill vol III”

  29. N@ughty

    @24 shemales? hahahahahaha! good one. but really…uma has a cock?

  30. imran karim

    definitely has good and bad days

    imran karim

  31. missbecki

    i think the garden hose thing is her getting ready to film an advert for Virgin which airs over here in the UK – in it she is soaked through from being caught in the rain and *having a really bad day*. thus the garden hose.

  32. Sheva

    She’s a nice lady. But no woman is going to be the in thing forever. It’s a tough world for actresses even good ones who have had great runs like Uma.

    Even rich hotel dudes will see something come along and well, that’s that.

    And when there’s hot chicks around and you have access to any number of beds in the building….

  33. LeShapeShifter

    She is so FUGLY! But at least she’s thin. In this day and age a thin girl is a rare comodity. That’s why she’s like a ruby to me. She’s also like a ruby because I would only hit it from the back. Quentin Tarantino needs to stop filming her huge feet. Ewww, I just looked at her picture, she looks like Madonna’s less attractive sister. Madonna is another body-hottie who is over-rated. And J-LO. Gaaaaa! It’s like the emperor’s new clothes!! Why am I the only one with taste. Uma=ugly. Jessica Biel= ugly. Jennifer Lopez=ugly. Jessica Alba=pretty. Take note, people.

  34. BarbadoSlim

    She’s got like size 15 feet. I guess I’d hit it, if I was drunk enough and really, really, had to.

  35. HughJorganthethird

    # 24 I stopped dating she-males after your mom refused to pay for the pizza. Not only ugly but cheap too. u must be proud.

  36. 15PiecesOfFlare

    Sigh. Scandinavian girls don’t seem to age well.

  37. The kill bill movies were shit. Uma Thurman is the fugliest bitch I ever saw. You couldn’t get me drunk enough to slam that flat pasty ass. Fuck, I would rather eat a out an orangutan with pussy filled with buffalo shit before I touch Uma. That bitch be nasty.

  38. I like…so beautiful and sexy,good!

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