With a Kidnapping Video on Facebook, Tyrese Has Officially Gone Batshit Crazy
Tyrese posted a kidnapping video to Facebook around 3 a.m. on Monday, Nov. 20. Cops immediately showed up at his house because showing a bound and gagged man wrapped in a tarp on your couch without any context is obviously going to scare the shit out of people — especially when you’re already having a very public breakdown. It turned out to be a publicity stunt to show off Tyrese’s unemployable acting skills and remind us all that he’s fucking out of his gourd.
You’ve probably noticed that Tyrese has been riding the crazy train right into Bonkersville since about August. First he went out of his way to involve the public in his then-ongoing custody/child abuse case, letting everyone know how much he loved his daughter (who is supposedly terrified of him for seemingly logical reasons). This included his disturbing (and fiendishly hilarious) Instagram breakdown where he whined about how his rich friends in Dubai won’t help out with his legal expenses. It didn’t work because beating your kid is not that big of a deal over there.
Simultaneously, Tyrese has been going on a side-quest to wage war against The Rock, who is literally the only dude who can probably help him get more money by appearing in the next 82 scheduled Fast and Furious installments. Top it all off with his claim that Will Smith promised to bail him out with a $5 million Scientology dowery in a hushed exchange for his eternal alien soul and it’s safe to say that he’s having an umbrella-to-the-windshield of a 2017.
The kidnapping video was fake of course, and the man in the tarp turned out to be comedian Michael Blackson (who mocked Tyrese’s breakdown video). This faux-revenge was Tyrese’s way of “celebrating” the fact that he just won 50/50 custody of his daughter. Let’s just hope she was staying with her mom this past weekend, because I’d imagine walking downstairs to find your dad reenacting a scene from a bootleg mob movie in the living room would be a little traumatizing.
Considering the fact that Tyrese is broke and has nothing better to do but make himself look more unemployable on social media, he spent a shit ton of money to rent a private bus and bring his captive to Mr. Chow for another publicity stunt.
I’ve seen more convincing performances out of a sandwich artisté at Subway who tries to tell me he is out of sweet onion teriaki sauce, when he is really just too lazy to go get more from the back (still livid about yesterday’s lunch, obviously). It’s becoming evident that this is some meta-performance art attempt at making people realize how wrong they were about Tyrese. Unfortunately for him, it’s only confirming what everyone is thinking and somebody needs to tell this dude to take a few months off like every other celebrity who has a public breakdown… before someone gets rolled up in a tarp for real next time…