Tyra’s breasts real; only semi-spectacular

Tyra_Breasts.jpgI swear I tried to avoid this story all week, mostly because I’ve been attempting to suppress the revelation that the once hot Tyra Banks has more or less become a borderline plus-size model with a God complex and bits of honey-glazed ribs stuck in her teeth. But your outpouring of e-mails has backed me up into a corner, now hasn’t it?

Tyrant (as America’s Next Top Model viewers have dubbed her) managed to almost ruin breasts for us all when she made them the theme of Tuesday’s episode of The Tyra Banks Show. First, Extreme Makeover’s Dr. Garth Fisher was brought in to perform a sonogram on a braless Tyra Banks, both proving that her breasts are real, and that time makes fools of us all. Then Anna Nicole Smith was brought in to prove that some of us don’t need time’s help.

And, well, I would continue, but I can’t concentrate over the sound of my genitals weeping.