Tyra’s breasts real; only semi-spectacular

September 22nd, 2005 // 18 Comments

Tyra_Breasts.jpgI swear I tried to avoid this story all week, mostly because I’ve been attempting to suppress the revelation that the once hot Tyra Banks has more or less become a borderline plus-size model with a God complex and bits of honey-glazed ribs stuck in her teeth. But your outpouring of e-mails has backed me up into a corner, now hasn’t it?

Tyrant (as America’s Next Top Model viewers have dubbed her) managed to almost ruin breasts for us all when she made them the theme of Tuesday’s episode of The Tyra Banks Show. First, Extreme Makeover‘s Dr. Garth Fisher was brought in to perform a sonogram on a braless Tyra Banks, both proving that her breasts are real, and that time makes fools of us all. Then Anna Nicole Smith was brought in to prove that some of us don’t need time’s help.

And, well, I would continue, but I can’t concentrate over the sound of my genitals weeping.


  1. Horace H. Kempster

    Weeping genitals is better than Seeping Genitals. Only by a smidge, though.

  2. Horace H. Kempster

    You know, the band..Seeping Genitals.

    Spank me!

  3. I didn’t think much of Tyra before she revealed herself as the secret love child of Oprah and Ru Paul, but NOW, I can’t get enough of her! Bring on this season’s circus freaks, Tyrant! And then slowly suck their will to live until they collapse in a sobbing, starving heap. Now THAT’s good television!

  4. haggardtrish

    What made me laugh, is that she thinks people care. Now that the great tyra-boob question is answered, wtf am I supposed to do with my life? And all these sausages?!?!

  5. Proteon

    It’s all about that clip of her screaming at that girl on her model show this spring. Screaming. At her.

    She had a doctor give her a sonogram to prove her breasts were real? Well vanity leads to insanity, who is surprised? Cut to the picture of doped up Brooke Sheilds.

  6. Ms. Dilligaff

    Don’t watch the show, but I remember Sofia Loren saying,”Beauty is 50% what you have and 50% what you make people think you have.” Why is Tyra givin’ it up? Good for her to show women she’s “real,” but if I were a supermodel I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about other women. I’d just roll around naked in my supermodel money, laughing about how other women weren’t me. Yeah, I’ve thought about it.

  7. Tommy Cruise

    My idol, Dr. Fisher. Who else could talk a supermodel into letting you feel her up on TV in front of an audience? Of course, I bet he ran out screaming when Anna Nicole was brought in.

  8. Juliette

    Why does she think we care?? Big deal, you have big, saggy breasts..

  9. Plastic

    like omg!

  10. hautecouture18

    i didnt see it but i saw her show once and had to turn it off. She is overly over dramatic and everyone is crying and she is always crying and it just gets me so sick. If her tits are fake or not… i dont really care… she is pretty though… fuckable. I dont like her high forhead… but she is fuckable.

  11. I love Tyra! I think she’s great, and as beautiful as ever.

  12. mac2048

    Ms. Dilligaff! You and I have the same fantasies! Let’s have a civil union! No? Ok, can we at least roll around naked on our bed full of imaginary supermodel money?

  13. Starshine

    I love Tyra and her large forehead and her saggy breasts because she is REAL and she’s not afraid to show the world.

    Rock on.

  14. mutterhals

    Tyra is a contrived uninteresting ex- supermodel, the only real thing about her is her obvious mental collapse

  15. Hester Prynne

    She looks like an alien.

  16. Dawn7

    yeah she’s really pretty- and with a bajillion dollars, a makeup artist, extensions that don’t move, and pretty contacts that contrast to your body’s natural color- You can be too.
    By the way..I think her body is bangin. I didn’t see the whole man handling incident though.

  17. tg8

    Yeah, I agree with Tommy … the whole thing was a ploy to get Dr. Garth to feel her up. Though with her money she should probably just buy him.

    However, in the end I can relate with Tyra’s situation. To this day people still think my penis isn’t real … but it totally is … at least 80% of it is real after my three tours in ‘nam.

  18. I was a supermodel I would not give a rat's ass other women. I just wanted to ride naked mannequin in my money laughing about how other women are not me.

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