Tyra Banks and Jennifer Love Hewitt are desperate

Superficial / September 30, 2005

Wait, what? Tyra Banks and Jennifer Love Hewitt have breasts? Did anyone else know about this? Because I’ve never heard them talk about it. And I’ve been sitting here, fake-admiring their modeling and acting prowess like a schmuck, when all the while I could have been real-admiring their breastigial prowess. Yeah, I know “breastigial” isn’t a word, but I don’t have time to think of not-fake words. I have years of staring to catch up on.