TURN IT BACK AROUND!

May 26th, 2010 // 96 Comments

Let’s just get this out of the way: Jessica Simpson is a goddamn beast. Unless Ken Paves knows some secret to success that involves five years of steak and ribs, she should probably hire a stylist that doesn’t openly hate her. I know jackshit about fashion, but I’m pretty sure fancy outfits aren’t supposed to get you drafted in the NFL. Or maybe that’s her way of being with Tony Romo again. *strokes beard* Of course. It all makes sense now….

Photos: Splash News, WENN
superficial

  1. Maomao

    Dude, Ken Paves is only her HAIR stylist. Getcha fact straight, supafish!

  2. havoc

    Beefy…….

    .

  3. Ed

    To be honest. She doesn’t look that bad. I’d rather have some meat on a girl than looking at a skeleton.

    Oh yeah, Jessica Simpsons rack looks pretty damn nice.

  4. josh

    a SEXY beast

  5. arealcad

    Thar she blows!

  6. Amanda

    The lady’s expression to the left is priceless.

  7. amanda

    looks fine from the front, that scarf thing makes her look chubby from the side tho.
    shes got a pretty awesome body if you ask me, i think she needs a better mirror sometimes tho

  8. JR

    Huh. I do believe Miss Simpson is afflicted with No-ass-at-all syndrome. The recommended cure? Show more boob. There, I fixed it.

  9. Frank

    Damn she thick. I like those front tits. The back ones, not so much.

  10. Fucking Frank

    This bitch is fucking sexy as fuck.

  11. Frank

    I like those front tits. The ones in the back, not so much.

  12. alex

    Know how I know Fish is gay?

    …He thinks THAT is a beast.

    Seriously dude, you must be gay.

  13. Courageous

    Idiots! She is a Woman, a form of human that most of you virgins may not be aware of. She is curvy, soft and sexy. Try to remember that all the cartoon girls that you fantasize about are NOT REAL, and are not proportional to real, live, human females. Now step away from the computer and go out and meet some real people!

  14. Deacon Jones

    Her face is getting disproportionately fatter than her body.

    If I only saw her head I’d guess she was 300 pounds.

  15. Unchocolate Ice

    @ Ed
    Word up. This is a real sexy woman. She can dress, she’s got the curves and a pretty face. I’m a real man. A man that makes little Hollywood actor boys look like the need to hit puberty.
    I’ve dated little waif-y woman and they just can’t take all I have to offer (in the pants). If you don’t like this or think this is fat, you’re a fancy boy go read your Playgirl.

  16. Courageous

    Idiots! She is a Woman, a form of human that most of you virgins may not be aware of. She is curvy, soft and sexy. Try to remember that all the cartoon girls that you fantasize about are NOT REAL, and are not proportional to real, live, human females. Now step away from the computer and go out and meet some real people!

  17. Courageous

    Idiots! She is a Woman, a form of human that most of you virgins may not be aware of. She is curvy, soft and sexy. Try to remember that all the cartoon girls that you fantasize about are NOT REAL, and are not proportional to real, live, human females. Now step away from the computer and go out and meet some real people!

  18. lol What the hell happened to her, she’s huge!!!

    At least she shouldn’t wear those kind of dresses…

  19. Frequently Masturbates to Roadhouse

    It’s safe to say that if you think this is attractive, you have no standards at all.

  20. Screwin Off

    I do not believe she is lacking in the ass department and I see no back boobs… She is fucking hot and sometimes has pictures snapped while making odd faces. I wouldn’t doing the motorboat on those bad boys

  21. Jim

    She looks like a moose.

  22. Nikki

    FAT GIRL FACE PIC #12

  23. jenny

    Woman in background in picture 1: “Damn -that white girl is fat!

  24. damn she is cock diesel

  25. Chubby and beautiful :)

  26. Taz

    Mix in a salad!

  27. Gerfunkel

    Courageous:

    Good looking women are indeed real and this woman isn’t one of them. She doesn’t have “curves”, not even in the fat girl sense. She is more boy-shaped then any “skeleton” or skinny girl you’re liable to bitch about. Her waist is straight with no feminine waistline to speak of. Being fat isn’t her problem, because she really isn’t that fat. Having the most unwomanly figure ever is her problem. No ass and stomach fat that gives her no waist ( not to mention an increased risk for diabetes). Healthy women are real and people who want healthy women are not “fantasizing”.

  28. Chris

    What are you talking about Willace, she’s hot

  29. digdoug

    Looks like Markie Post’s face meets Kirstie Alley’s body.

  30. mafme

    She might be biggish, but she carries it really well.

  31. SO RIGHT

    It seems she went on Oprah and confessed her weight issues (and how everyone judges her), and then said SCREW IT. I think talking about it made her feel more free, which is good in a sense. But across the board, Americans eat WAY too much crap, eat way too much, and don’t exercise their bodies enough, and SHE is no exception. At 5’2 or 5’3, she should not weigh that much. She looks about 10 to 15 pounds overweight here. Sorry — just the truth.

  32. Hmm

    She looks a lot like my ex. If she is anything like my ex (or even what Mayer claimed she was) in bed, any man should be a happy camper. Outside of bed, my ex was a friggin nightmare crazy bitch. Hmm.

  33. Cardinal Ximenez

    In all honesty, she’s about the same size as Marilyn Monroe was (at her curviest) and people threw themselves at her feet.

    Times have changed obviously. Now only the brothers and skinny ass white dudes want a white girl with a whole lotta booty.

    She needs to go black like the Cardashians… get herself a supa fast NFL nigga, pop out some nigletts and retire in the kitchen makin corn bread and greens.

  34. Cap'n Ahab

    Are you gonna finish that?

    Nom, Nom, Nom…

    Pass the gravy please.

  35. cc

    She used to be a fairly shapely no talent shit. Now she is an overweight shit whose lack of talent is even more obvious now. Jessica, just do a Kendra, score the cash, and fuck off.

  36. CodiacBear

    If she lost even 5 pounds it would do her good. She’s absolutely beautiful, but just a little bit of extra weight isn’t the best for her face.

  37. Jenny

    So sad. Remember when she used to be hot?

  38. Give her a break

    She looks great. It’s clear she puts in effort to look nice: nice hair, nice makeup, nice clothes. She’s not a slob like Britney. Yeah, she’s heavier now but I don’t think the extra weight makes her unattractive at all and she is a long way from being in the FAT category. It’s nice to see a woman look like a woman and NOT a prepubescent girl. Jessica it totally doable.

  39. Salad Face

    If she hadn’t been so hot at one point, we probably wouldn’t notice how far she’s fallen. It’s unfortunate that some of the hottest chicks (in the face anyway- step back Hilary Duff) eat their emotions.

  40. Rodham

    Oh, so that’s where my tarp went.

    I need that for the back of my pickup.

  41. joe doe

    Shit, I would much rather have that than the skeletons of hollywood. Super thin is nasty. I think she looks normal….sexy.

  42. Anonymous

    Tony Romo looks to the heavens and says “Thank you God, for saving my life”.

  43. dude

    judging by #10 and a host of other comments on this site, I believe too many commenters here are 13 year old boys from Compton/comparable minority laden shithole

  44. Tek

    OK… it can no longer be denied. I’m usually the one to stand up for girls who aren’t a size 0, but god damn this bitch got fat. You can even see it in her face. Quit denying it. No, you can’t say it’s a bad angle or a bad dress anymore because her gut is almost as big as her tits, and her tits are huge so try to figure that out. To make matters worst, she has the noassatall disease! So #33, your theory FAILED.

  45. wow

    that’s not Jessica Simpson, it’s Vanna White

  46. wow

    that’s not Jessica Simpson, it’s Vanna White

  47. gunt

    I bet she has a hot gunt!

  48. Rogue

    She used to have a killer bod.

    She’s overweight.

    … would still nail her

    … and still want her back to the weight when I used to see her and go, “damn, that shit looks good.”

    I love when chicks (like Kirstie and now seemingly Jessica) give up and then (lie and) say they’re happy with themselves and their new (bleh) body image … that is, until Jenny Craig offers them a fat (pun intended) contract to lose weight. Do they ever say, “No, I don’t WANT YOUR MONEY! I’m happy with my overweight ass. I loooooooove the way I feel. I”m staying the way I am. No thanks!!!!”

    No they don’t.

  49. fugoverdose

    she’s a gorgeous beast !
    wow !

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