Trump Drains Paper Towel Buzzer Beater in Puerto Rico

In the wake of the Las Vegas massacre, Donald Trump was tthhiiissss close to getting out of his planned trip to Puerto Rico, a trip he was really not looking forward to because all the golf courses were destroyed. Unfortunately for him, he was suckered in by someone on his staff who must have left a trail of those little strawberry candies you get at the dentist to get him onto Air Force One. Let’s just say his trip went “amazing” and everybody “had a good time.”

Besides telling a Puerto Rican to “have a good time” after speaking with him — ignoring the fact that most of the island is still without power, fresh water, and thousands are without food and shelter — Trump also had some other highlights that prove he really, truly doesn’t give two shits in a golden toilet about them. Here are some more highlights:

Trump (who has spent over $71 million in taxpayer money on golf trips) told a room full of Puerto Rican officials that they “threw his budget out of wack” and their storm was nothing compared to Katrina…

Look, we all know that Hurricane Maria hitting Puerto Rico wasn’t “a real tragedy” like Katrina or even Harvey because San Juan doesn’t even have a football team with horrible ratings. Now the Saints and Texans… sons of bitches.

Trump also “technically” met the mayor of San Juan… You know, the one who was out on the streets in waders pulling people from flooded houses and expecting the federal government to “do everything for them.” Yes. He said that. I use quotes around “technically” because even she said the whole 17-minute interaction was fucking bullshit and a slap in the face.

“This was a PR, 17-minute meeting. There was no exchange with anybody, with none of the mayors,” the mayor said. “And in fact, this terrible and abominable view of him throwing paper towels and throwing provisions at people, it really — it does not embody the spirit of the American nation, you know?”

Particularly egregious, according to the mayor, was Trump’s remark during the briefing with Puerto Rican officials that they should “be very proud” because the death toll on the island has not spiked as it did in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina, which the president said was “a real catastrophe.”

“He kind of minimized our suffering here by saying that Katrina was a real disaster, sort of implying that this was not a real disaster because not many people have died here,” Cruz said. “Well you know what? They’re dying. They don’t have the medical resources.” (from Politico)

Want more proof that Donald Trump sucks at his job and has about as much empathy as a bowl of spaghetti-o’s? Let’s check out how he tosses bargain brand paper towel rolls into this crowd of people who are definitely not photo-op plants because LOOK HOW MUCH FUN THEY’RE HAVING!! #SPORTS!!

Yuck. I’m somehow grossed out. I’ve been emotionally numb since Monday, yet somehow this miraculously still manages to irk me, so I’m going to start drinking early today. Expect a post about how cheese-nips are an abomination to mankind and how my left hand is somehow bigger than my right hand by 2 p.m.