If you’re in LA this weekend swing by Tori Spelling’s yard sale and buy up all her useless junk. The official listing describes it as:
Tori invites you into her house to shop her dazzling valley home, jewelry & closets contents sale. This represents much of her last 15 years of buying & collecting. Included are antique & vintage items from the 19th, 20th, & 21st centuries! French, Italian, Continental, American white wicker, shabby chic, and traditional furniture, crystal chandeliers & sconces, pictures & paintings, lamps, vanity, Tori’s personal jewelry, bric-a-brac, memorabilia, garden & patio, designer & casual clothes, shoes, accessories, photos, etc.
Although a more accurate description might be: “Buy Tori’s crap so she can eat!” See, I even used an exclamation mark. To show the excitement. That she might get to eat. And sentence fragments? Me. The king of.
libtard | December 8, 2006 at 8:39 am
Ugh. So ugly…….
Wildhoney | December 8, 2006 at 8:40 am
She’s a new one on me.
Elusive Spork | December 8, 2006 at 8:42 am
She looks pregnant… is she? o_0
peopleRweird | December 8, 2006 at 8:44 am
oh 4th bitches!1 yea she’s pregnant
Wildhoney | December 8, 2006 at 8:45 am
#3 – No no, I just believe we need a little ice cream to go with all that jelly.
crabbie | December 8, 2006 at 8:45 am
She’s having a garage sale. Appropriate, since she bought all the stuff at garage sales.
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
lazydays8401 | December 8, 2006 at 8:46 am
She looks sad – so sad. Maybe she’s afraid Dean is going to run off on her the way he did with his first wife.
Oh, and saggy boobs.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | December 8, 2006 at 8:57 am
I wish I had tits like that. Wait, I can have tits like that? For $500? From Mexico? Sweet!
JamesIdaho | December 8, 2006 at 8:57 am
This is the opposite of classy
jrzmommy | December 8, 2006 at 8:58 am
guess she really didn’t get dick from her dad’s will. Don’t fuck with Candy Spelling!
HollywoodSnark | December 8, 2006 at 9:00 am
Yeah, she should probably sell some of her fugly cream she uses…on second thought she should have had this sale right before Holloween! – http://hollywoodsnark.com
wedgeone | December 8, 2006 at 9:00 am
She has some enourmous implants! They remind me of the ones that Chynna and Stephanie McMahon got (seriously low hanging fruits) in the days of their “fame”.
Too bad for Tori that her career isn’t as big as her cans. Good for the rest of us though.
Why do her eyes look like they go down the sides of her face, instead of across to her temples? Is she melting?
ImmaAssClown | December 8, 2006 at 9:06 am
I guess there is no plastic surgery for eyes that are set w a a a y y too far apart?
I thought pregnant chicks “glowed” naturally- she took a fucking bath in glitter.
86 | December 8, 2006 at 9:09 am
Her boobs are big and veiny. Its gonna suck when all the milk is gone and there are nothing but stretch marks left.
helistar | December 8, 2006 at 9:10 am
wow.. I just finished furiously masturbating to miss 30something.. look at her tits.. they are just crying out to be fucked. I also like the belly she has going on.. mmm.. nice cushion effect.. you go girl!
hendero | December 8, 2006 at 9:10 am
She’s selling the garden and patio? You’d need a big U-Haul to take them home. And her vanity. If only Lindsay and Paris were looking to unload theirs as well.
Not sure I like the boobs. Her implants need implants.
NipsyHustle | December 8, 2006 at 9:12 am
i’ve been waiting so patiently for the big end of the year tranny sale. she disgusts me. with every passing day i grow more convinced she has a giant hairy penis.
she’s totally going to give birth to a little RuPaul
86 | December 8, 2006 at 9:21 am
Why is she doing this?
can't help myself | December 8, 2006 at 9:23 am
Oh man! I really suddenly wish I lived in LA. Does ANYONE out there live in LA? Please go. Please please go and come back and tell us all if she was there, her very own self, making change from a little tin cash box on a folding table on the front yard. PLEASE?
jrzmommy | December 8, 2006 at 9:24 am
I have the feeling all of her stuff is really pink and garrish.
fuctheworld | December 8, 2006 at 9:32 am
I really hope she is not selling her bras because her tits look more sorry than Michael Jackson after he got caught touching little boys…
kaerbear | December 8, 2006 at 9:36 am
As if it wasn’t bad enough that you can be a gajillionaire’s daughter and still look like a cross between shrek and a retarded baboon. Now, in addition to having the ugliest boobs and no personality, she’s broke too! Oh the humanity!
chelleann66 | December 8, 2006 at 9:42 am
If you’re going to put your rack on public display like that, you’re open for criticism.
1) Disgusting, highly visible veins
2) Cavernous gap between the breasts
3) Grotesque red zit-like thing on the right breast
4) Saggy, Saggy, Saggy
5) Repulsive object placed approximately 6-8 inches above them (oh, that’s her face…)
LoneWolf | December 8, 2006 at 9:42 am
Hey Tori, why the long face?
RichPort | December 8, 2006 at 9:43 am
What a shame… this may be the best, sexiest, and most fuckable I’ve ever seen her look, and she still looks worse than my unflushed toilet after splattery attack of the runs as the result of the stomach flu. She is one hideous, veiny-titted, corky looking bitch.
enfilade | December 8, 2006 at 9:45 am
She got totally screwed.
http://www.scandalsnappers.com/
Anonymous | December 8, 2006 at 9:50 am
I practically threw up my breakfast. I’m sorry, but Tori’s breasts literally look like cow udders, only longer and more column-shaped. Weird how someone with a horse face has cow udders.
chelleann66 | December 8, 2006 at 9:50 am
Hey – did you guys ever hear of “pony play”? See below. I think Tori’s husband is into that shit and that’s why he married her. His very own horse/pony!!
Pony play
schadenfreudelicious | December 8, 2006 at 9:50 am
Dean’s M.O. typically involves dumping the wife shortly after the baby arrives, so I’d say tranny Tori’s days are numbered.
Italian Stallion | December 8, 2006 at 9:52 am
I want to fuck her moles, not her, just her moles……….
Punkin | December 8, 2006 at 9:53 am
Who cares if she has bad skin and a malformed face? She has on body glitter. BODY GLITTER PEOPLE!
CelebSlam.com | December 8, 2006 at 9:58 am
Will she selling her old implants?
http://www.celebslam.com
jrzmommy | December 8, 2006 at 10:12 am
Pony play, weird, why would that turn anybody on…What about “blumpkin”? Anybody know what that’s all about? Last night my husband asked me if I would ever consider trying it and I had no idea what he was talking about…
wedgeone | December 8, 2006 at 10:30 am
jrz – This comes from the Urban Dictionary website:
“To receive fellatio whist defecating. Highly acclaimed for involving two of the most pleasurable bodily release events simultaneously, but very difficult to accomplish. Also called a blumpy.
Also see reverse blumpkin, brother blumpkin, reverse brother blumpkin, and the most dangerous variation of all, the cunnilumpkin.”
Hopefully, your old man is like Lindsay Lohan and his crap doesn’t stink!!
wedgeone | December 8, 2006 at 10:31 am
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blumpkin
Peter Coffin | December 8, 2006 at 10:33 am
I really just want to know why women are wearing those skirts where the waist is directly under the breasts. It makes them look pregnant.
I know it’s not trendy to be pregnant; that is last year’s news. This year is all about adopting foreign babies. And even THAT can’t last much longer.
2007 = clones of foreign crack babies.
Spindoc | December 8, 2006 at 10:36 am
No WONDER Tori’s Mother is pissed.
There is NOBODY more pissed off than a gold digger whos husband actually lives long enough so that your own looks are gone.
UNWASHEDMASSES | December 8, 2006 at 10:36 am
She’s so tacky I suspect she’ll have a wide range of gently used dildos and vibrators, maybe even autograph ‘em for an extra $20.00
MrSemprini | December 8, 2006 at 10:49 am
I don’t care if she eats. I just want her to buy a bra so those things aren’t sagging like a crack house.
leezastudio | December 8, 2006 at 10:54 am
It’s really sad, even after all that surgery she did during the 90210, all those nose jobs and eye jobs or whatever she did, she still looks like a car ran over her face. i don’t know how that dude she’s with can look at her face for more than a couple of minutes without throwing up in her face. maybe he does, and maybe she likes it
mytwocents | December 8, 2006 at 11:00 am
yeah, um, I live here, and I live about 3 mins away from her so THANKS FOR THE TRAFFIC PEOPLE, as if Laurel Cyn needed another reason to fuck up traffic.
My best friend’s sis is her best friend and she already gotten some cute ass stuff from her so make fun all you want but if you like collecting, it’s a good place to go :)
http://www.thespinzone.com
fergernauster | December 8, 2006 at 11:03 am
Behold… Goldfish googly-eyes Tori. Her kid’s eyes will be askew as well, because McDermot’s are as close-set as a shrew’s.
Alas, I dare say there is NOTHING salvageable on this girl’s entire person, save perhaps the eyeballs.
fergernauster | December 8, 2006 at 11:06 am
… But if I lived close enough, I’d brave the throngs of thrill-seekers to simply get a chance to stroke one of her cast-offs; namely, a satin, silicone-stained brassiere.
Just jokin’. She is hideous.
HolisticWisdomcom | December 8, 2006 at 11:39 am
Tori is actually a really nice person, so I am sorry that this is happening to her as it would be so much better to see it happen to Paris.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
jojo | December 8, 2006 at 11:52 am
I wonder if Tori’s garage sale will be like mine was. Do you think people will come up to her constantly saying “Will you take 50 cents for this?” Will she be using a Maxwell House can to hold the change? Or maybe she will use flourescent poster boards throughout the neighborhood with arrows showing the way to the house. Or how about selling bottled water out of a cooler for 1.00 each? See if she knew me i could give her all kinds of marketing tips….
aimatcha | December 8, 2006 at 11:55 am
Dibs on the Swarovski crystal pooper scooper. Bought for Mimi Larue by Grandma Candy before Tori’s shenangins ripped the family apart.
blahblahblah | December 8, 2006 at 11:56 am
So, shes had all this plastic surgery and she looks like ass. What did she look like before? Cause I thought plastic surgery generally made you look better. I bet she had a tail. Sticking out of her forehead.
Fold My Laundry Please | December 8, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Is anyone else wondering about the “antique and vintage items” from the 21st century?
not from the CIA | December 8, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Guys… making fun of her is not nice.
Didn’t you know she has a small colony of refugees living in each of those cavernous nostrils? And that they are currently at WAR with each other? Hence the severely malformed face. Take some time to learn the facts before you criticize.
http://www.papparelli.com/
schadenfreudelicious | December 8, 2006 at 12:21 pm
That fugly nose job is in need of a serious re-do…just look at that close-up..the stuff of nightmares.