Tori Spelling is single, fellahs. Come and get ‘er!

September 19th, 2005 // 26 Comments

Tori_Single.jpg(Oh, I’m sorry. Did that headline make you throw up in your mouth a little?)

“Actress” Tori Spelling, daughter of billionaire producer Aaron Spelling, and her filthy non-billionaire husband Charlie Shanian have reportedly split after a year of marriage.

From what I understand, it seems pretty clear that every time Spelling’s husband looked at her, he saw a giant talking bag of money. So I’m going to go ahead and assume that he’s finally become suspicious of how a bag of money could drink so much booze and have given him herpes. Because last I checked, money should buy happiness, not cold sores on your man-junk.


  1. Sydney

    Well I’m not suprised, who’d stay with her for any amount of money.
    Or maybe someone would.
    But who am I to judge?

  2. Stacylynnrs

    I want my gravy bowl back!!!

  3. Sydney

    Ooo. Yay, first comment, how awesome.

  4. Xibalba

    *quote*Because last I checked, money should buy happiness, not cold sores on your man-junk.*/quote*

    I guess it depends on what you spend your money on… I get cold sores on my mangina all the time… Thanks mom, i want my $50 back!

  5. usuckbananas

    What a nasty whore.

  6. Gophergutz

    Guess there’s not much difference between moneybags and dirtbags when you get right down to it.

  7. Clance-man

    If it wasn’t for daddy’s money and a buttload of plastic surgery, no one would go near her. Personally, I think she was orginally a dude. I wouldn’t touch her with your man-junk!

  8. gracieo

    maybe k-fed is interested?

  9. goldilocks

    Who even is tori spelling? i swear no-one in the UK has heard of her. and by no-one, i mean me.

  10. K-dawg

    She is the worst actress we have and what we would call the first Paris Hilton. The only reason she is in movies or anything is because her dad is a producer genius and filthy rich. Tori is just filthy.

  11. WTFweretheythinking?

    Thanks, I needed to throw up today.

  12. seminole

    well I’m sure there are lots of guys out there looking for a girl with a face like a horse, or a border collie.

  13. sugarplum

    It’s all well known, when a rich girl has neither good looks nor brains, there’s alcohol, the best pal she can get.

  14. sparkydingle

    Jesus H. Christ that bitch is ugly. Has anyone told her? Someone find out her number and spring the news on her.

  15. mac2048

    My God. She is an ugly land-beast isn’t she?

    A year is even too much. The poor fellow deserves a fortune in alimony just for waking up next to that face every morning.

  16. maetl

    she is creepy.
    creepy like walking down a back alley late at night creepy.

  17. Ms. Dilligaff

    Aw, I was really hoping Horseface and some guy could be the one couple to make it work. Between her breakup and Renee’s breakup with some other guy, I feel empty inside.

  18. stinkypinky

    I just don’t understand. If my Dad was as rich as hers I would have had complete reconstructive plastic surgery on my face a long time ago. She looks like a grasshopper.

  19. jfive

    why cant she die like the rest of the 90210 cast?lol atleast i assume they all died lol or ended up on the sureal life

  20. Lord Helmet

    I’d fuck her and tell her to call me Brandon

  21. Juliette

    She has had tons of plastic surgery- there is nothing real about her. I don’t know what was worse the before or the after.

  22. debisis

    wow. those are some pretty harsh comments. usually posts like these are from jealous assholes or ugly people.

    i don’t think she’s gorgeous, but she looks like a woman and is at least cute. and you’re not. author.

  23. http://www.freehomepages.com/celebzone13/ToriSpelling/tori6.jpg

    ya know guys and ugly gals, i can admit that i slam baseball wives out of 99 percent jealousy.

  24. mutterhals

    Tori Spelling is ugly as sin, this is true no matter what the poster looks like

  25. Queen LaQueefah

    She’s funny looking and all that, but dude, what the hell is up with her lumpy boob? U ever notice that shit? It’s like her titty is unhooking from her chest

  26. darylbn

    Its’ all good even if you think it’s not. What I want to know is, can Tori safely operate common household apliances such as dish washers, toasters, chainsaws and backhoes?………

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