Tori Spelling gets knocked up and married

May 9th, 2006 // 67 Comments

spelling-pregnant.jpgTori Spelling got married to Dean McDermott in a private ceremony in Fiji over the weekend, but sources are now saying that Spelling might be pregnant. She was spotted shopping for baby stuff at Petit Tresor, and a source says:

superficial

  1. LickyLicky

    FIRST

  2. Trotter

    Trannys can become pregnant? What is “she” carrying? A pony turd?

  3. Oscar

    Dang it!!!

  4. Mr. Fritz

    4th! Nobody gives credit to number 4.

  5. Tracy

    Poor Dean… when that kid’s born with a horse face and a hook nose, he’ll finally see what his honey looked like BEFORE she met her Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.

  6. PapaHotNuts

    I really can’t believe someone actually fucked her. It should be a crime, and I plan on writing my Congressman today.

  7. Mr. Fritz

    This girl always looked like a tranny, even in her teenage years. I am reminded of that famous quote: “You can’t polish a turd, Beavis”. I wonder how much money was spent on this attempt. Maybe she’ll be the next Jennifer Lopez or Elizabeth Taylor.

  8. Jacq

    That’s definitely a chick you need to bag before you shag.

  9. 86

    Wasn’t she married to someone else a few months ago?

  10. Fuck that. This dude pulled a Zeta-Jones. He was a tool soap actor, got his hooks on a fugly bitch that is heir to a bunch of cash. Get a kid on the whore and you’re in there for life.

  11. Trotter

    @9 Charlie Shanian – he divorced “her” the night after the nuptials. Turns out Charlie isn’ t into horses and cock in any combination.

  12. pinky_nip

    The most FAKE thing I ever saw, was that shitty movie she was in and we were supposed to believe she was some high-priced call girl.

    Nobody would bag this bitch if she didn’t have daddy’s money.

  13. ziggurat

    Who the fuck is Dean McDermott?

  14. sweetcheeks

    Can a fetus gestate in a plastic womb?

  15. sweetcheeks

    Merlin’s beard! I don’t give a tinker’s toot about To-rhee-hee-hee-snort Spelling.

  16. 86

    Now is the time to move to Beverly Hills and open an upscale baby shop and give it a french name, or one of those word association names that make no sense.

  17. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    I’ve never been able to look at her without involuntarily neighing like a horse.
    It’s Mr. Ed!

  18. 86

    Their kids will look like frogs. BUT, this guy will probably be living in the Spelling mansion one day, so I’m sure he’s okay with having ugly kids.

  19. Binky

    Glad I just make small Spelling mistakes. This guy is WAY beyond typo now..

  20. Crafty

    Tori Spelling’s baby is about the best pro-abortion argument I can think of.

  21. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Alexis Arquette is looking hawttt.

  22. BigJim

    This is a sham, right? I mean, chicks that ugly are always dykes, aren’t they? She sure looks like a carpet muncher to me.

    I’m betting she hired this washed up actor to play the role of her husband, and got artificially inseminated by David Crosby.

  23. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    Bravo, Binky. Bravo.

  24. Iambananas

    She’s annoying.

  25. Italian Stallion

    I got a little story about Paul Revere, Just me and my Tori and a quart of Beer, riding across the land, kicking up sand, Taco bell is on our tail, horsemeats in demand…………..

  26. MystressJade

    That’s why I love you Italian Stallion….and of course now I’m hungry.

  27. Jacq

    I need something funnier to work with. All I can muster is to call her ugly and everyone knows that. There is something wrong with a guy who can get hard to looking at her.

    I hope the baby comes out with a little, tiny body and the face and head of her father. *cue the music from the Pshyco shower scene*ree-ree-ree!

    #21 – Where have you been, bitch!? You better not be teasing us with quickie posts today!

  28. andrewthezeppo

    awww, I heart Tori, she’s MY little pony!

    plus, he TV show isn’t half as offensive and annoying as the rest of VH1′s line up. I’d rather chew off my own foot than watch “Hogan Knows Best” look at his daughter, talk about a tranny!

    They don’t shoot Spellings do they?

  29. Those two are just way beyond cheesy. So cheesy in fact, I predict she’ll give birth to a huge wedge of Tillamook Cheddar.

  30. PapaHotNuts

    I heard that “E” wanted her to be the star of a “Donkey Show Girl” reality series, but they could not find one single donkey in Mexico to fuck her. “Too ugly”, one donkey was reported to say. Sad.

  31. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    27 – You like it when I quickie-post, don’t you, you slippery little slut?

  32. Fisher55

    Tori went undercover as “Taria Spooling” or something to get the part on 90210 w/o Dad even knowing about it. She’s a clever and talented chick, that Tori.

    no seriously, but that movie she did w/ Parker Posey was good…

  33. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Goddammit Fisher55, everthing you say makes me want to drop Napalm on MTV for churning out little mind-raped snot balls like yourself.

  34. meat-tulip

    “Tori! I can’t get my cock to fit in the syringe. How the hell are we gonna get you preggers if I can’t ejaculate into this tube?”

  35. Fisher55

    Alexis Arquette is looking hawwtttttt

    dumb bitch

  36. meat-tulip

    Sometimes the line “Posted by Iambananas on May 9, 2006 11:25 AM ” has something profound and witty written beneath it.

  37. krisdylee

    Her and Star Jones have a freaky resemblance to each other.

  38. delicious_dysfunktion

    A Horse is a horse of course of course.Shit.
    I’ve got nothing.Papa,Osh,all you guys are a tough act to follow.

  39. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Touche, Fisher55. Touche.

  40. honey

    why am i daydreaming about an oshkosh/hotnuts orgy with a little big jim thrown in for kicks and where is dr rokter? there are fantastic things happening in my brain….. i’m going to have to step out of my office now

  41. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    #38,
    That pun is already taken. See #17.

  42. Nimuë LaMer

    Why the long face, Tori?

    Sad because Dean double bagged you? (Psst! It was in case his bag fell off!)

  43. sweetcheeks

    #40 — really, fantastic things happening in your brain?

    I think it’s called a hemorrhage. You might be having a stroke.

  44. Just remember, she has had plastic surgery, that doesn’t change your DNA. That poor kid will come out looking like her BEFORE she went under the knife. Poor little Elephant Trunk having no titts little thing.

  45. gogoboots

    Is that why she got married? I didn’t even know you had to get married because you were pregnant. It looks like no one is really doing it that way, I guess marrying went out with hula hoops!

  46. hurley

    where’s sherry-cu? does she just post on the scientology threads?

  47. TrannyGranny

    Jesus Fucking Christ On a Pogo Stick;

    My penis goes into a coma everytime I see a picture of this horse. How is it even possible someone could impregnate her?

  48. hurley

    with her own penis, she self-impregnates. like a beautiful flower.

  49. TrannyGranny

    46 Hurley;

    Today in 1950 is when gay-ron Hubbard published Dianetics. It’s some kind of cult holiday. All the scientology women are required to submit to a bludgeoning with the book, without making a sound, and then help grease up the “men” for some sloppy colon-spelunking. They do it in groups of 100, behind closed doors in a conga line shaped like a double helix. Smells just like a hog-farm after a few hours. I saw the National Geographic Special about this event last week. It’s called the Deep-Cleansing Ritual. Supposed to get all the concentrated evil out of every orifice.

  50. hurley

    trannygranny, that all sounded creepily realistic. well-done. at least i know where sherry-co scampered off to. i was beginning to worry.

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