That Topless Chick Who Destroyed A McDonald’s Just Wanted To Blow A Guy, NBD

April 9th, 2014 // 56 Comments
Sandra Suarez Topless McDonald's Woman
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Yesterday, the Internet was captivated by the raccoon-like antics of a topless Florida woman who smashed her way through a McDonald’s before stopping to guzzle soft-serve right out of the machine and calling it a night. Turns out she wasn’t high or drunk or drunk and high, but was simply angered by an employee who refused to let her blow him the parking lot. There’s a logical explanation for everything. FOX 13 reports:

PPPD identified the woman as Sandra Suarez, 41. Officers say the tirade came after a McDonald’s employee turned down Suarez’s offer of oral sex in the parking lot.
Suarez was taken to Northside Hospital as a precaution, but police said doctors determined she wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
She was charged with criminal mischief and resisting arrest, then was released on $7,000 bond.
Reached by FOX 13′s Steve Nichols on Tuesday, the mother of two blamed the tirade on bipolar disorder and she does not remember much of it.

When asked how she even knows if she’s bipolar, the woman replied, “I made a decision to move to Florida. That pretty much cinched it.” As for the employees who uploaded the video to LiveLeak, they’ve all been fired because McDonald’s hates joy and laughter. For God’s sake, their mascot’s a pedophile clown. I’M ONTO YOU!

WARNING: Video is NSFW unless your workplace is surprisingly cool with naked, sloppy titties going apeshit on food service equipment.

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  1. j/k

    Dude missed out on one hell of a blowjob.

  2. Not sure why anyone would refuse a random Blowjob. Seems like the perfect way to say hello and meet new people.

  3. Jimbo

    That is NSFW? I have seen cows in Chino that had better tits than her

  4. What the fuck, Florida? There are a lot of people with undiagnosed mental disorders running around. A couple of things about this video:

    1) All this over somebody not wanting a BJ? Note to self: never turn down a BJ.

    2) Does this store have no security? Can anybody just get behind the counters like that?

    3) This lady is fucking crazy. In all her rage, she didn’t forget to eat ice cream, though.

    That having been said, would I? Of course I would. I’m Don Zaloog. Those tits didn’t look that bad to me and her body looked passable. And it has recently come to my attention that crazy chicks are the best lays. See my comment on Winona Ryder in yesterday’s TCWM for reference.

  5. meshuggah Tits

    “Did I ever tell you about the worst BJ I ever had? It was awesome.”

  6. this is the weirdest porno i’ve seen in a while. But we can all agree that eating soft serve right out of the machine is a pretty hot happy ending.

  7. Keno

    Refused BJ? I guess that explains her immediate need for soft serve.

  8. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to break into a McDonald’s to steal a couple of McRibs and/or fellate the soft-serve machine.

  9. … Keep on being you, Florida.

  10. Cock Dr

    This isn’t a celebrity, this is a mentally ill private citizen.
    WTF, things are that slow that the blogger has to resort to this?

    • Who has attained instant celebrity, with all its drawbacks, by going off her nut and very dramatically tearing apart a fast food restaurant. FYI, her “bipolarity” appears to be entirely self-diagnosed – if it turns out she really has extremely shitty impulse control on top of lots of anger issues, a la Chris Brown, does that change things?

      Pretty much every domestic newsfeed has reported on it, and it’s that media who identified her by name. All those newsfeeds that are enabled for commentary have input, just like this site. Blame the McDonald’s employees for posting the video to LiveLeak, or blame the ‘net itself for making aberrant behavior of “private citizens” so accessible – hell, blame “America’s Funniest Home Videos” and youtube if you want to start at the source, but Fish isn’t at fault here. It’s legitimate news, and he’s doing no more than reporting on what others have already posted.

  11. WTF? Never fuck full crazy women, it’s that simple.

  12. PassingTrue

    To her credit, she didn’t start bobbing for french fries.

  13. This puts a whole new meaning to Happy Meal.

  14. Jessica

    It’s kinda shitty those employees were fired. Those people aren’t paid enough to deal with this kinda shit and they took it in a humorous way. Hope they find work soon.

    • Agreed, but c’mon, it’s no big surprise that they were canned. What they should do is sue for PTSD due to unsafe working conditions – if they claimed the sight of thongs and unfettered tits now gave them panic attacks and nightmares, who the hell could ever dispute that?

  15. P.T.S. Potential Trouble Source

    NEVER, EVER, put your dick in crazy…………….

  16. whatthe

    That bitch is gross and crazy. The guys on here saying that they would do her have hella low standards.

  17. CK

    Oh god, I hope Ron Jeremy doesn’t parody this video. Or Seth Rogen.

  18. Ack. I had to mute the video, the chick laughing and commenting was annoying as fuck.

    As for this woman, I hope for her kids’ sake she lets it blow over, but I have a feeling she’s going to Octo-milk it for all it’s worth.

  19. What a waste of a pair of big tits.

  20. Why didn’t the manager on duty slam her to the ground and stop her. I know I would have.

    • Not a good idea. There is a possibility that you could injure her and a court of law could possibly find McDonald’s — and you — libel for $erious damages. Fuck it. Fix her a filet of fish and watch the pandemonium.

  21. anonym

    “big chi chis”


    I would refuse a blowjob from her too. Dick could be bitten off in a second.
    However, I wouldn’t mind fucking those tits and jizzing on them

  22. she ended up with cream on her face regardless,he should have let it be his

  23. An air strike heading your way for posting the pic of this sagging knocker factory. Napalm AND HEAT.

  24. tlmck

    Real justice would be that the girl who is talking and laughing would have her picture posted all over the internet with the caption: “Never hire this moron”.

  25. She should totally hook up with Mel Gibson.
    Heard the dude really likes blowjobs…

  26. brian

    Nice tits! She can suck me off any day. She could even have fries with that.

  27. bb9

    “joy and laughter”??? Those jerks SHOULD have been fired for posting that video online! The woman was obviously not in her right mind. It’s sad, NOT funny.

    • Did you or did you not read the fucking article?
      “As for the employees who uploaded the video to LiveLeak, they’ve all been fired because McDonald’s hates joy and laughter.”
      Sound out the big words and eventually it will make sense to you…and one more thing: IT IS TOO FUNNY!

  28. loves2munch

    I definitely would’ve said YES to her and then have her pick me up after work and take me home for more, hahaaa ;)

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