Yesterday, the Internet was captivated by the raccoon-like antics of a topless Florida woman who smashed her way through a McDonald’s before stopping to guzzle soft-serve right out of the machine and calling it a night. Turns out she wasn’t high or drunk or drunk and high, but was simply angered by an employee who refused to let her blow him the parking lot. There’s a logical explanation for everything. FOX 13 reports:
PPPD identified the woman as Sandra Suarez, 41. Officers say the tirade came after a McDonald’s employee turned down Suarez’s offer of oral sex in the parking lot.
Suarez was taken to Northside Hospital as a precaution, but police said doctors determined she wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
She was charged with criminal mischief and resisting arrest, then was released on $7,000 bond.
Reached by FOX 13′s Steve Nichols on Tuesday, the mother of two blamed the tirade on bipolar disorder and she does not remember much of it.
When asked how she even knows if she’s bipolar, the woman replied, “I made a decision to move to Florida. That pretty much cinched it.” As for the employees who uploaded the video to LiveLeak, they’ve all been fired because McDonald’s hates joy and laughter. For God’s sake, their mascot’s a pedophile clown. I’M ONTO YOU!
WARNING: Video is NSFW unless your workplace is surprisingly cool with naked, sloppy titties going apeshit on food service equipment.